WTF is it with people and “cuddling” new born babies.

[CoffeeNeededorWine]

I’ll start by saying most people annoy me. People in general are annoying. I know I sound so welcoming 😂

But honestly, what is it with family wanting cuddles with the baby. Seriously, Fu*k off. I’ve just squeezed a melon out, my boobs are leaking, I can hardly sit down and let’s not even start on when I need a poo! But at least I now get to hold and feed my baby. Oh wait visitor number 746764 wants to “cuddle” or feed her. Firstly, it’s not cuddling your holding her and secondly go home while I enjoy my baby for a bit.

Seriously, hoisting people is a chore normally but when you’ve just had a baby. Give me a break. Go cuddle a dog or something and leave us the F alone.

And no, I don’t think having to converse with other people, while sleep deprived is needed. As “family just want a cuddle” I want some piece and to relax. You’re going home to a good night sleep I’m on feed 765. Don’t even get me started on family who think they know best when baby cries and won’t give her back.
Edited by MNHQ

You feed, sling the baby at dp and head to bedroom for nap. When baby needs fed then partner can bring baby up. Honestly help u feel a bit sane.

I'm completely with you OP, I refused to have any visitors for more than 24hrs after I got home from the hospital, then it was only parents and siblings. Had a few more across the week, it all got a bit much and I refused to have anyone except parents and siblings for the next fortnight.
I don't like people either!!

I don’t get the wanting to hold (other) people’s newborns thing. When they’re so tiny they need to be in their mum’s arms, surrounded by her scent and hearing her heartbeat. You can see them without holding them.Visiting new parents at that stage is more about seeing how the mum is doing.

When the baby’s a bit older you’ll probably be asked to hold them so their mother can grab a shower or just use the loo in peace!

YANBU, I get it.

It's nice that baby has folks around who care and enjoy her and all, but the last thing you need whilst sleep deprived and enduring a big hormone crash.. is a shit load of visitors and the assumed obligation to host.

Congratulations on your arrival OP, wishing you a smooth recovery 🙂

Oh dear Coffeeneedmorewine. It sounds like you’re having a really, really bad day. How dare family want to cuddle your baby - shame on them. I think you need more wine, to be honest 😂

If you'd not mentioned the name Karen and posted this while pregnant that your MIL would be over multiple times a week and you'd have a constant stream of visitors, everyone would have told you to say you're not having visitors for the first few weeks and put in firm boundaries.

Honestly, the newborn phase is over in the blink of an eye, don't miss it because everyone else is soaking it up. They can fuck off and have their own babies if they desperately want to hold one.

Not sure why you're getting so much hate TBH. It sounds exhausting.

Can you ask your husband to ask them all to give you some space?

You are not being at all unreasonable to want some time alone with your baby to bond and catch up on sleep.

Family visits are all well and good if they're taking your needs into consideration, but it really doesn't sound like they are and you're clearly at the end of your tether.

Have some virtual coffee and cake, sounds like you need it.

☕🍰

Really surprised at the responses on here — l have seen other, similar threads go completely the other way… so sorry people have been unkind OP, particularly when you’re already overwhelmed and exhausted. I felt exactly the same as you when my DD was born - and I’m also a massive introvert. It’s exhausting socialising anyway for us introverts, and you’ve just had a baby so probably one of the most depleting things you’ll ever do. One midwife told me at the time to just stay in bed with the baby for a full two weeks post birth to recover. Visitors can wait!

I think OP is having a hard time. She’s probably knackered and has sore tits and Fanny. So the whole world is pissing her off

Love this. Hahahahaha!

Having said that, have you only just had your baby? If so, then, yes, time to yourself with your baby, without family fussing around is what you need, and this needs pointing out. Once you’ve had a bit of time, then by all means, family will want to see the new arrival, and make a fuss. If at this point, you still find it a no no, then get that wine bottle open 😂. Congratulations on your new arrival, by the way 🍾💐

Quite a few of us have sore tits and Fanny. And we don’t even have a cute cuddlable baby to show for it. And we don’t take it out on other women by calling them Karens.

I agree!!! Just don’t have visitors though or say no to them holding the baby. It’s all your choice!

Ach, I’m 7 months pregnant and was on the phone to my sister the other day… I told her I might not even tell people when we have the baby because I don’t want anyone descending on our doorstep uninvited until we’re ready to invite them. As a mother to two young children, she understood completely and wholeheartedly agreed with that stance, and then said: “Well except for us, you’ll tell us because we want to be the first to come and see her, and I’ve already told [my toddler niece] that she’ll be the first person to cuddle her new cousin.” Noooooo 😭😭😭

I'm totally with you here 100%!
I didnt allow visitors to come to ours. I would visit them when I felt up to it. My lb is nearly 5 months and apart from my partner my dd13 and I no one has changed his nappy or fed him. Hes bottle fed breast milk.
My biggest annoyance is when people say pass me my baby then, or won't give me him back when he cries or I have places to be. I do remind them that infact I birthed MY baby and if I say I want him back hand him over immediately!
Now he's getting bigger people aren't as interested but it still grinds on me massively!

The birth of a baby is magical and the most wonderful thing and people want to share in the miracle of life and family are overjoyed that their family has been lucky enough to be able to produce miracles, not even family can.

I am with you. My son was born in COVID and when he was tiny certain family members wanted cuddles and to pass him round like a toy. Whether he was awake or asleep it was all about them, without any consideration to him.
I even got pressurised to express some breast milk in order that one of them could feed him.

Then he gets slightly older and peoples interest levels faded quicker than he loses interest in his own toys.
Accept people who genuinely care for him and you, and will be there in the long term not just those who want to have a sniff of your lovely baby.

It's just people bonding with the newest members of your "tribe". When you need help looking after them, or they are older and enjoy having additional people about, playing or learning things from them, you'll see more benefits. Congratulations on your new baby op x

It's all very well ranting on here, but maybe you need to locate your spine in real life and tell people you need a break from visitors for a bit!

I mean…don’t invite them than? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I felt just like this with my eldest.When I brought her home, my DH’s step sister and family were there all wanting to hold her. I had only met the step sister once before and hardly spoke on that occasion and there she cuddling my daughter.

i could hardly contain my rage at seeing her with my baby, I knew I was very close to losing it so I said I’m going to use this opportunity to have a shower and left the room so I didn’t have to witness her pawing over my baby.
I managed to compose myself whilst showering and came down and told everyone I was feeling really tired and needed some time alone and could they go. I was very polite and they went. I think you can get away with saying you need some space if you do it politely.

i do agree that the Karen thing is misogynistic though . . .

How old is your baby? YANBU, babies belong with their mothers the first few weeks. Most people I know who have struggled to bond in the first few weeks are the ones with too much ‘help’. Most of it well meaning but it seems to stop new mums getting in the groove of things and instead start second guessing themselves when someone comes along to tell them how they should be doing things.

When they get more robust after 6-8 weeks hand them round all you want but the first few weeks are for mum and baby all being well. My best friends MIL moved in when she had the baby for the first week and kept taking the baby off for cuddles, meaning my friend had no time to cuddle or bond, and meant she didn’t feel she could stay in bed either to recover as her baby was constantly downstairs. Made me so mad but I couldn’t say anything.

With my third I spent the first week upstairs with baby in bed so I recommend that if you want to avoid visitors 😅

Blimey. Lots of touchy people online tonight. Is the OP not allowed to have a rant? 🙄

I'm with you, OP. As soon as I arrived home my MIL, FIL, SIL and her new GF were waiting for us in their cars. I was tired, hungry and so sore and I had to entertain four people while they played pass the parcel with a new baby. It still annoys me all these years later. I hope you're doing OK- rant away!

I love all of response, I'm sat here with my 2 month old giggling away!!

I had many unannounced visitors when I'd made it clear I just wanted to be left alone.. I'd spent a week in hospital post c-section so my partner only had a week with us when we came home.

As soon as you get one person turn up and let them in you get the " I hear such and such has met the baby so can I come tomorrow??" Messages.

People don't respect boundaries, when I'm sat on the bed with my boobs out feeding every 5 minutes and trying to sleep in between, it's not ok for you to just " pop your head round the door" because we both know that means you'll be hovering over the bed trying to sniff the baby up your nose!!

But don't worry OP, I've soon discovered the visitors don't come knocking anymore when the newborn " stage is over. Instead you get the " oh you must bring the baby round now you've got lots of free time!" And I think " wtf is free time?? Takes me 3 hours sometimes to get both of us ready then I'm too pissed off to go out anyway!!

You are doing incredible, don't ever change your bluntness 🤭