WTF is it with people and “cuddling” new born babies.

[CoffeeNeededorWine]

I’ll start by saying most people annoy me. People in general are annoying. I know I sound so welcoming 😂

But honestly, what is it with family wanting cuddles with the baby. Seriously, Fu*k off. I’ve just squeezed a melon out, my boobs are leaking, I can hardly sit down and let’s not even start on when I need a poo! But at least I now get to hold and feed my baby. Oh wait visitor number 746764 wants to “cuddle” or feed her. Firstly, it’s not cuddling your holding her and secondly go home while I enjoy my baby for a bit.

Seriously, hoisting people is a chore normally but when you’ve just had a baby. Give me a break. Go cuddle a dog or something and leave us the F alone.

And no, I don’t think having to converse with other people, while sleep deprived is needed. As “family just want a cuddle” I want some piece and to relax. You’re going home to a good night sleep I’m on feed 765. Don’t even get me started on family who think they know best when baby cries and won’t give her back.
Edited by MNHQ

Like a dolphin 😂

MNHQ would disagree with you about using 'Karen'

My brothers ex partner had no parents, no siblings and was in hospital alone with no help from anybody and even had to lie to the hospital to that she had help at home ( following a c-section ) Now that's something to moan about ( this was before my brother he wasn't the dad ) the dad exited In pregnancy.

😂😂😂😂😂

Love your response! Thank you, Karen. I’ve already explained this in another post my MIL is actually called Karen. I guess I just cba with people.

me either.

YANBU but obviously sleep deprived and hormonal. And exhausted after childbirth

I think that would freak my teens out never mind a baby 😂 what a bizarre thing! Is she a dolphin fanatic? 😂

I don't get it. It sounds like you're surrounded by a group of adults who all show unconditional love to your baby...let them do it now and they'll be offering free babysitting in the future

Did you miss the part where I said I have people? Why would I want to be fawned over.

I certainly didn’t have a baby shower. Being the centre of attention and playing stupid games - no thank you.

We're hardwired to want to cuddle and care for babies. It ensures survival of our species. Apart from that, if you don't want people touching your kid, tell them not to.

OP holding a newborn baby is one of the most magical moments in the world. It's good for the baby too. And for you too as you get a little break.
Give it a few weeks and visitors numbers will drop right down snd you will probably feel a bit lonely at times.
Just relax and enjoy this time.
I remember when my firstborn came home, one of the many visitors was one of DH's uncles who I barely knew. Lovely chap. He was overjoyed to see the baby and hold her, even though this is a very large family so he has seen and held loads of family babies over the decades. Less than 3 months later this uncle died of cancer, all rather sudden diagnosis and an awful time. Still remember how happy he was when he visited us and what a cheerful man he was.
Let people hold your baby, enjoy the time with family and friends and give the baby this opportunity to be close to other humans. It is a very special time. But don't bother hosting as such. Let other grownups sort that part out, you don't need and are not expected to do this.
I know it might be hard to hear other women giving you advice which probably sounds like criticism. But, sometimes, they can be right. Especially if they raised children themselves. They only want to help, not to put you down.
And, and, and .... big congratulations!!!!

@CoffeeNeededorWine you probably just needed a rant here. YANBU to feel overwhelmed and not wanting to host people when you’ve recently given birth. I get it. You’re knackered, uncomfortable and just want to soak up the baby bubble all to yourself. I’m introverted too. I don’t like people in my space for too long.

But to play devils advocate, babies are so lovely, tiny and innocent. They’re magical. That’s why people love to cuddle and hold them. It’s such a privilege to bring a new life into the world. & people shouldn’t be met with such aggression and unwelcomeness when they just want to meet your baby. Remember, it takes a village! Please be kinder to your village.

I think people should also realise that when visiting a new born, sometimes is not “to give the mother a break from the baby” but to support the mother. Make them a drink. Wash the pots. Clean the surfaces. When you do get hoards of visitors im
sure they won’t be offended if you say “would
be kind enough to put the kettle on, then you can have a hold in a bit when babies settled”.

The mother in law is a completely different issue. She may think she “knows best” but just ignore her. You are your babies mum. No one else is.

Ffs who's making you have people round? If you feel this strongly about it just say no. I'm guessing this is your first. Hopefully you'll chill out a bit with anymore.

I don't like cuddling other peoples babies, I don't know why. I never liked other people holding my babies. They never smelt like my baby when I had them back

Thank you x

I do remember feeling protective of my DC as newborns....but I never felt under pressure to "host" anyone. I just assumed they came to see baby and once they seen/held them wouldnt need or want anything else! 😄

It’s peace…. Not piece. Unless you want a piece of cake :)

I love holding new babies, they are utterly magical and adorable to me and it makes me happy to see them. I would not, however, demand it, nor would I refuse to give the baby back the moment it's mum or dad asked me to! My MIL's first meeting with DS1 was horrible, she barged into the room, didn't acknowledge me or even DH, physically took the baby out of my arms and took him to the far corner of the room with her back to us. I was exhausted and emotional after a horrific labour, PPH and retained placenta that required emergency surgery and DS1 had been in SCBU for a week. She didn't give a monkeys about me and it really hurt. I felt like some sort of inanimate vessel that had been used to carry Her Grandchild.

So I think if people are respectful, mindful of you and your post-birth knackeredness and responsive to your cues, it is all a lot less stressful. If they are going to visit, they should contain their baby-excitement enough to be helpful and kind to you as well. And yeah, maybe you are being a bit misanthropic, but I don't blame you tbh.

Yep take this attitude with your family and friends and in a few months when you want their help and support they won’t have any connection to you or your baby and help will be thin on the ground. Be thankful that they love you and your baby and are interested enough in you both to want to visit you.

If it was just your MIL criticising you I could see but by reading this it sounds like it is multiple people. Do you think they are trying to be helpful, and offering you advice?
The only reason I say this is it's really not normally for lots of people to be telling you you are doing something wrong

Honestly if you’ve had enough of visitors just say no, it’s ok not to want visitors all the time.
Also people critiquing you all the time must be awful when you’re already exhausted and hormonal.
Speak to your DP about how your feeling he should be acting as gatekeeper to visitors (especially his own side) and tell them no if it’s not convenient to visit or tell them when it’s time to leave. Tell them the health visitor or midwife is coming round!

Oh but OP babies are rare and tiny for such a little time.
You get to my age and the last time I touched a new born was about 4 years ago. I would probably pretend to be your auntie Jane just to have a quick squish.

So - you are not unreasonable not to want to host at this point (or any really). But people love babies and we evolved in tribes where everyone would have looked out for the kids, so we are wired that way. I think it is always ok to ask people to not visit. But if they do I dont think it is reasonable to expect them not to want to hold a baby. FWIW, I dont know anyone with babies and have no chance of holding now or in the future - and sometimes when I see them it is like a physical ache. Not that I want to take them forever or anything weird, but holding a baby is such a lovely thing to do. And it is sad when you dont have that chance any longer.

Don't get me started on people wearing perfume and holding babies, just disrespectful to mum and baby

I think she’s really really mad because nobody came to see her and her new baby.

And she’s overcompensating.

I completely agree I have an 11 week old and that first week my god people round from first thing in the morning constantly wanting to hold her, I even had my midwife turn up and my lounge was full of visitors we had to go upstairs to talk in private. I still get annoyed now as my DD doesn't sleep very well and have my parents at my door at 9am even though I've told them if she is up all night we tend to go back to bed in the morning to catch up - I don't have other children so have the luxury of being able to do this! I do get annoyed when people continue to hold her when she's crying as I'm her mum she should be handed back or if she's asleep/falling asleep, I don't want her to get into the habit or having to be held 24/7 when she is naturally good at self soothing, I also get a lot of comments about the way I do things and peoples opinions it drives me mad. My advice is set boundaries it's ok, often people say they are there to help; they're not at all just adding more work to the already busy life, don't be afraid to say no, I've learned this xx