WTF is it with people and “cuddling” new born babies.

[CoffeeNeededorWine]

I’ll start by saying most people annoy me. People in general are annoying. I know I sound so welcoming 😂

But honestly, what is it with family wanting cuddles with the baby. Seriously, Fu*k off. I’ve just squeezed a melon out, my boobs are leaking, I can hardly sit down and let’s not even start on when I need a poo! But at least I now get to hold and feed my baby. Oh wait visitor number 746764 wants to “cuddle” or feed her. Firstly, it’s not cuddling your holding her and secondly go home while I enjoy my baby for a bit.

Seriously, hoisting people is a chore normally but when you’ve just had a baby. Give me a break. Go cuddle a dog or something and leave us the F alone.

And no, I don’t think having to converse with other people, while sleep deprived is needed. As “family just want a cuddle” I want some piece and to relax. You’re going home to a good night sleep I’m on feed 765. Don’t even get me started on family who think they know best when baby cries and won’t give her back.
Edited by MNHQ

You're definitely not a horrible person! There's just a big concentration of angry posters on here all too willing to descend upon a new mum and be rude and hurtful.
Your baby, your rules. Do what works for you and honestly fuck everyone else.

I can see from where the OP is coming from though. Newborns are wonderful yes and spread joy all around, but the new mums tends to be quickly forgotten in the middle of all the excitement. Let her enjoy her baby and recover from birth without the bore of chit chat and unsolicited advice. Those first days are precious and should be all about the new nuclear family, so they can bond and adjust to their new routines ! Others can wait. Congrats on your baby OP and say NO when you want. Motherhood is hard, set the boundaries that work for you and your family and make your journey easier.

Same.
Any family visitors - I used to put earplugs in and slowly sliiiiide away for a nap 😁

This is ridiculous. That’s like saying no one can have feelings or emotions about anything. If someone has a hard day at work are you just going to shout at them to BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE A JOB. Life doesn’t work like that. I had a miscarriage & IVF before having my daughter & it doesn’t mean I can’t feel empathy & compassion for the OP. I am grateful for my child every day but that doesn’t mean it’s not unbearably hard sometimes. Women being shamed into the ridiculous narrative that they should always be full of joy once they’re mothers is the reason why postpartum mental health is so shit in this country.

Give it a week or so and you won't see anyone for dust.

Oh I remember that feeling. I’d give you a virtual hug but you wouldn’t thank me so I’ll post virtual chocolates through your virtual letter box and bugger off.

Don’t worry, the novelty wears off by the time they’re about 8 months and grizzling, won’t go to anyone and you’d give your right arm for someone to hold your wain for 5 minutes.

No problem, just don’t come knocking when you fancy ten minutes to have a bath or wash your hair, or need to get out of earshot of your teething toddler, or need a baby sitter, or someone to walk your kid to school one day

Don’t see anyone you don’t want to. If they want to see baby they have to let you know when it is convenient It’s you time no one has a right to just turn up and cuddle

The responses to this have surprised me.
I thought its quite natural to not enjoy plagues of people coming and holding baby when tired and trying to bond post partum.

Im not sure about the "evolutionary, so other people can bond" part either.
Our respectful kind family members who checked when we were ready and briefly held them then handed them back when they cried are very involved now.
The 2 family members who were dramatic about having to come straight away and regularly and wanting to hold them for hours as babies barely even ask how they are or see them as older children. And it's not that they noticed our annoyance so drifted away as they were straight back with the same attitude when DC3 was born after a gap.

I didn't mind people holding him. But if people don't know when to give baby back and give you unsolicited advice yes they're annoying!! And you just had a baby, you don't have to be a 'Ray of sunshine'. Set boundaries, like if baby cries hand back or yes you can hold him for a few mins then after that take baby back. No visitors on x day etc..

What are you on about?
You can 100% sleep when baby is sleeping and you can also have a wash whule baby is sleeping.
Worst case scenario, baby will wake in the middle of your shkwer and you will have to cut it short.

Newborns oy really need their mum so I made that a priority and cut off all so called helpers that take more time and energy than actual baby.

Trust me, in 12 weeks times when you’re stuck inside, climbing the walls and everyone’s back at work/busy/gone back to normal, you’ll long for people popping over.

Maternity leave isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and I found weeks 4-13 really bloody lonely. It’s only not lonely now because DH has unfortunately lost his job. Trust me - not fucking ideal.

Let people have a cuddle, tell them where the kettle is and what you want to drink. You don’t need to host. You don’t even need to get off the sofa. If baby starts to cry, tell them to give baby back. Most people will give baby back immediately. I had one who didn’t, they’ve not been round since!

I visited a friend once who had just had a baby, they handed me the baby to hold and a just off the boil cup of coffee, why ? why would you let someone you know to be menopausal and clumsy, hold the most precious thing in your life whilst juggling molten fluids ? Tensest 15 minutes of my life, and I think I have RSI from holding the coffee at arms length the whole time, whilst juggling a newborn baby

she was massively sleep deprived and is a lovely person generally

If you cannot wash your hair or have a shower with a baby you are not a capable adult.
Also, there is calpol for toddlers in pain ffs. Where do you live? In 1800?

How long ago was it that you gave birth? Can you not remember the feeling of complete overwhelming adoration of your newborn and feeling that they were the most precious thing you have ever set your eyes on? Wanting to be near them all the time and that surge of unmatched love that makes you want to protect them in your arms and keep them safe with you because they’ve been growing in you for 9 months? This is how it feels to have a newborn, if you need reminding, and I’m sorry if you never felt this way.
The whole ‘oh, is it your precious first born?’ and ‘why do you think you’re special’ mumsnet rhetoric is horrible and completely dismissive of really important emotions and hormones that new mums feel and have. We shouldn’t be telling new mums that their instinct to protect their babies is being ‘precious’ or that they think they’re something special. Having a baby should be the most special time of your life, sorry if it wasn’t for you.

Not ridiculous in my view but I do take and accept and agree with your point,

I think babies are a bit magic. People like them 🤷‍♀️ And yes you’re tired and overwhelmed and it’s also ok to say no to visitors. But if you say yes to visitors they’ll want a cuddle, it’s just the way it is.

Op I’m with you 1000% I walked in my door from hospital and i did not unlock it for a week fuck who Evers knocking because actually this is my baby, I pushed this baby out, now I want to bond with my baby. Anyone else can bloody well wait till I’m ready! Babies grow and change so quick I wanted to enjoy mine in my bubble before he met the world. My 3rd I had during covid absolutely bliss that was xx

Your first? I decided that nobody could come over until I was ready. Took me 4 weeks so that I could get confortable and be confident as a new mother. Second (and last) baby: I was so happy to have family around quickly to hold the baby or occupy my eldest because I always felt that I wasn't spending enough time with one or the other. Just saying.. but I did not invite family all the time just to cuddle. You don't have to. Just say you are tired and need some time. All mothers can understand that and if they don't then that's too bad for them. You need to build up your confidence because you are the expert on YOUR baby. My two sons are and were so different and their needs as well. And beware: MIL's advice might be outdated. My (lovely) Mil told me that babies sleeps best on their tummy. Well, we know that this is not recommanded today. I always said to her that "I follow the doctor's recommandations". Sometimes that was true, other times not. But it saved me from having arguments/discussions so I recommand that you fo the same 😊

@GraySweatpants

Is this really what introverts are like?
You called it, but I did suspect it all along... It's a sort of murderous presence.

You know what? You feel how you feel and you needed to share those feelings as you can't IRL. I think you're getting a hard time and you don't deserve it. Sometimes you just want to be left alone to get into your own routine with your LO. It's nice if people actually ask if you'd like them to come round instead of them deciding to beat your door down. Sadly there's not much you can do without alienating them for future years. Chin up it won't be a novelty for too much longer hopefully.
Congratulations on your little melon by the way.

So this is the problem. DH needs to tell MIL that if she says you are doing it wrong one more time she will not be allowed back.

Perhaps some folks don’t think there’s anything wrong with an excited granny trying to impart her knowledge, but I had waited for three years and gone through infertility hell to have mine and if my MIL had been so unwise as to criticise what I was doing, I would have exploded. Instead, my MIL told me that advice in her day had changed from her DM’s day, and it would no doubt be different now, and she was worried that she might suggest something that isn’t recommended now. That’s the kind of MIL who can gladly visit.

Not everyone is an extrovert craving constant company in order to feel complete 🙄

Of all the times a woman should say NO, this is one of the topmost top.

Two people are involved in birth, and one of them can say, BACK OFF, LEAVE ME ALONE, I'VE JUST DELIVERED AN ENTIRE HUMAN BEING OUT OF MY VAGINA, I'M TIRED, I NEED SPACE TO COME TO TERMS WITH THIS.

The other one sleeps, shits, and cries. And, possibly, with luck, feeds.

Who knows, there may even be another person who says BACK OFF, MY PARTNER NEEDS SOME SPACE AND TIME, and: Darling, what do you need me to do?

No, don't let family decide what's reasonable. You're in charge.