WTF is it with people and “cuddling” new born babies.

[CoffeeNeededorWine]

I’ll start by saying most people annoy me. People in general are annoying. I know I sound so welcoming 😂

But honestly, what is it with family wanting cuddles with the baby. Seriously, Fu*k off. I’ve just squeezed a melon out, my boobs are leaking, I can hardly sit down and let’s not even start on when I need a poo! But at least I now get to hold and feed my baby. Oh wait visitor number 746764 wants to “cuddle” or feed her. Firstly, it’s not cuddling your holding her and secondly go home while I enjoy my baby for a bit.

Seriously, hoisting people is a chore normally but when you’ve just had a baby. Give me a break. Go cuddle a dog or something and leave us the F alone.

And no, I don’t think having to converse with other people, while sleep deprived is needed. As “family just want a cuddle” I want some piece and to relax. You’re going home to a good night sleep I’m on feed 765. Don’t even get me started on family who think they know best when baby cries and won’t give her back.
Edited by MNHQ

Come on it’s not the baby’s fault, is it

Ah…a fellow introvert I see. I feel you. Been there done that absolutely hate it too! And my MIL and FIL were lovely and considerate.

They visited a week after baby was born (after checking with us). I felt reluctant to say yes but my DH was adamant they waited long enough. I remember hiding in the bedroom of our tiny one bed flat holding the baby crying asking DH to tell PILs to leave after spending the whole afternoon with them in the flat. It was just a lot of pressure for me in those early days to spend as much time possible with them given the distance they’ve traveled. And they’re one of the two sets of visitors we had!

So I can relate to the tiredness, the overwhelmingness and the feeling you have to turn on your host “mode”. The visitors will die down soon and as for your MIL, just counter whatever she said with “That’s not how we do it nowadays Karen” but I’m direct haha. Sending hugs xxx

You need to say no sometimes though and enjoy your baby. You deserve to enjoy him/her. If you can’t say no try to limit it where you can ? You don’t want to look back at such a lovely time and feel that you didn’t enjoy it.

Families can be pushy sometimes. It’s the fourth trimester and it’s most important form you and baby to have that time together

I was the exact same ! I only loved when someone asked to hold him. It gave my arms a break

I think it’s probably obvious they don’t want to visit me. I am extremely nice to our visitors though, as it isn’t about me it’s about my baby.

Honestly, some posters act as if you’re not smiling and happy to have people round you constantly after having a baby and them ignoring your wishes )because they just want a cuddle) there is something wrong with you.

The fourth trimester sucks for many including having to deal with family dynamics. OP is just having a little rant. Not everyone wants a “tribe” around them while they get their bearings and navigate early motherhood and there is nothing wrong with that, just as there is nothing wrong with wanting tons of people around.

I find it hard to know when to say no because in my mind it would always be no. 😂 I would never do that to family though.

You’re entitled to how you feel. Personally I loved people visiting, Hand the baby over and sit back. The best people even do the washing up 😬

I loved having visitors so have no idea what the problem is. I had my first visitor when's was 3 hours old.

You know what they say: If you don’t like people, you don’t like yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yeah, family members showing love for a baby that’s related to them. What a bunch of bastards. 🙄

Sorry but simply can't understand this attitude at all. Certainly not the case outside the hallowed halls of MN. You sound like very hard work. Probably be the first to whine if nobody bothered visiting or taking an interest in the baby.

I’m with you @CoffeeNeededorWine. I felt all the same things, didn’t want a lot of my family there either. Still don’t tbh 6 months down the line.
You can tell who all the overbearing grandmas are on this thread though (or those called Karen).

It is okay to set limits on visits...that doesn't work for us etc.
On the flip side..you may appreciate the visits when/if you have subsequent kids. I've just had a baby. Visitors today took my older 2 out for 3 hours whilst we napped...came back and cuddled baby on the sofa for half an hour with a cup of tea and then left. IDEAL.

Also my 6 year old constantly asks to hold his newborn sibling. He gazes at them and strokes their head. It is freaking adorable.

You’re the one who sounds unpleasant. If you can’t be “precious” when you’ve just had a human being burst out of your body, hormones raging wildly & leaking breasts the size of swollen footballs then I don’t know when you can. My family love ME as well as my baby, so they were completely on board with my boundaries & whatever would help me recover. Incidentally, suicide is the most common cause of maternal death in the first year postpartum. Maternal mental health is more important than a pouty adult family member.

🍷
Are you me?
Congratulations on your PFB!
Yes, people are weird about newborns. Babies seem to be public property.
Viruses are programmed to spread People long to share their viruses and whatnot, but culture wraps it up somehow as bonding and make you out to be weird if you resist it.
It's some kind of atavistic initiation ceremony it's very diffficult to avoid. All the time your maternal instinct is screaming to protect your infant from these temporarily insane mature women who seem to want to devour the child.
Stick to your guns and watch all hell let loose.
I feel for you, I really do.
(And I'm really old now, but remember it as if it were yesterday.)

Seriously, hoisting people is a chore normally

I love this typo. I hear you @CoffeeNeededorWine People are annoying.
I'm going to start saying 'hoisting' instead of hosting from now on.

don't think I'm hoisting your mother next weekend.

I told family I don't want any visitors for first two weeks.
They all survived.

People just get fucking idiotic about newborns.
Worst part is that they will claim "they are helping" when all they want to do is play mummy and feed the baby. If you want to help go and scrub my bathroom. That is kind of help I need.

WHF is your problem. Be grateful you have been fortunate enough to have been able to have a baby in the first place. I cant believe people sometimes! So many women struggling to conceive, having multiple miscarriages and sitting on long waiting lists for help and you complain that people want to cuddle your baby. Good God!!

Well speak up and seat boundaries before baby arrives.
When they visit use that time to get away and have a shower / bath sits / pamper yourself / nap etc etc etc. They can hold baby while you look after yourself. Don't sit there and entertain them.

Before having baby tell people - no visitors for the first X weeks, please bring a meal with you when you visit / help out with a task.
No unreasonable.

Any tips to survive it? I don’t want my LO not be around family so I always end up saying yes - because I can’t differentiate what’s a reasonable amount of time because ideally no amount of time is reasonable.

I think I’ll leave this post here now. I feel worse after posting. Not only am I exhausted from socialising when I feel my most vulnerable I’ve been told I’m a horrible person, I’m vile, I’m the problem and I hate myself.

I knew I would get heat for this post but it’s all a bit much now.

Holding baby is fine. You'll need a wash and maybe shut eye and you have people to watch over them.

It is amazing how an other cultures women have so much support when there are visitors there is support!

Meh. I have a 5 week old and I think it's lovely that friends and family want to snuggle him.

I did draw the line at the friend who basically hovered over me waiting to snatch him, and then at the point his nappy needed changing insisted she'd do it and started stripping him. (DH wrestled her out of the way in the end. Offering is lovely, insisting is too much).

I agree that hoisting people is a chore especially when you've just had a squidgy cuddly baby