To think that this is why fathers remarry

[TheShellBeach]

I think it's possible that some fathers, having left their wives, decide pretty quickly to remarry (or start living with a woman) so that there's a replacement women there to look after the children when they have contact/access.

Obviously this isn't true in all cases but it wouldn't surprise me if quite a lot of them did it for this reason.

After all, there are countless threads on here about so-called blended families, where the woman concerned just ends up as the default carer for another woman's children, and the actual father abdicates his responsibilities, leaving her to it.

AIBU?

Oh do FO.

kids create a burden by virtue of their dependence on you. I’m not going to say anymore.

I was never looked after by my SM.

Yes, it’s really odd. People love to put women in the motherly role and what’s more, she must love it and be grateful. Step-fathers don’t beget the same expectations.

Why, because she doesn’t let her DH and his ex treat her like a nanny?

Of course - I’m a step mother. If you can’t beat them, join them 💁🏼‍♀️

Or because the man escaped an abusive situation and finally found happiness?

@toomanyy Because she refers to stepchildren as an "extra burden".
If my husband referred to my sons as that he'd be out on his backside!!

Did you even bother reading her posts? Do you expect your husband to do the below for his step-sons?

My DH didnt start expecting me to be a proxy second mum, but he soon slipped into the expectation that I would be. My kindness was confused for duty. Tbh so did his ex. Soon I was getting phone calls “Can you be home for DSS, his Mum wants to go out” like it was somehow my responsibility to look after their kid when they had better things to do.

He wanted me to take the burden of his son so he could free himself up for the nice parts - like sit on the sofa with him whilst I cooked tea. DSS’ Mum got pissed off that I wouldn’t drop my weekend plans to accommodate hers.

I must be missing something but wouldn't that mean that's also why a woman remarries so she has a step father for her kids?

@toomanyy I wonder how she resolved this?

@CatCatCatCatCatCat Not necessarily. My sons already had a father when I remarried.

She explains in her posts. Not answering the question on whether you expect the same from your husband?

@toomanyy Absolutely not. They have a father.

Just like @EyeOfTheCat ’s step-kids have a mum, yet you seem to expect more from her.

Why would any woman go looking for a step father for her kids? Children with step fathers are at least twice as likely to be victims of abuse than children with biological fathers.

@toomanyy I think it's sad she refers to any child as "an extra burden."

@MeinKraft So if you divorce and have children you must never remarry, right?

Because women literally DO. So why do women remarry?

But kids will already have a mum when their father remarries yet this thread is claiming that's the reason men remarry, so why is it different for women?

Do you not see that it was her husband and the kids’ mum trying to burden her with their responsibility?

@CatCatCatCatCatCat It absolutely shouldn't be. But I think perhaps women put up with too much from men in general. Don't know why? Lifestyle maybe?

Agreed. “According to child abuse statistics, stepchildren are at a heightened risk of experiencing physical abuse, with rates 40 times higher than biological parents.”

Two widowers I know both met and moved in a new woman in under a year. Neither relationships lasted though.

My beaut is in his fifth girlfriend since he fecked off a few years ago, after God
Knows how many affairs ...

The pattern of these women he chooses is that they have been ...

Home owners
Childless or adult children
Not local.
Full time high earners
Botoxed/ filled and lifted.
Big social life
Plenty of disposable income
As Disinterested in children, as he is, especially his own.

Marry them ? When all of those boxes are ticked, that is his full intention, by all accounts.