To think that this is why fathers remarry

[TheShellBeach]

I think it's possible that some fathers, having left their wives, decide pretty quickly to remarry (or start living with a woman) so that there's a replacement women there to look after the children when they have contact/access.

Obviously this isn't true in all cases but it wouldn't surprise me if quite a lot of them did it for this reason.

After all, there are countless threads on here about so-called blended families, where the woman concerned just ends up as the default carer for another woman's children, and the actual father abdicates his responsibilities, leaving her to it.

AIBU?

nope

my father buggered off when I was 2 and married another woman, she wanted nothing to do with me and never looked after me, I was not invited to wedding, etc. Only when she got older and had no children she decided she wanted to play granny, erm nope, fuck off, too little too late

Well done coming to the realisation that millions of property owning women have already come to.🤣

There's generally a reason the first wife left him IMO. Didn't step up to look after his own kids fiest time round.

Nah, I think you've got the cause and effect wrong. I think they remarry because they want to be married. And then they happen to have a woman around to do the heavy lifting for them

Is is somewhere to stay, someone to look after your kids, cook for you and do your washing and someone to spite your ex with. They aren't stupid.

YANBU.

Gosh. Imagine if a man just actually wanted to get married!

Yes, the new woman also gets to do the cooking and cleaning.

No-one loves you more than a man in need of somewhere to sleep

My ex cut down his contact with the children brutally when social services found out he was playing happy families with his alcoholic violent girlfriend (who lost all her children for that reason) even her trying to stab him didn't scream unsuitable caregiver to him she had a home she could take care of the kids job done

I mean it couldn't possibly be because they have met somebody they have fallen in love and want to marry could it 🙄

YANBU. There have been countless threads on MN where step-mum becomes the default carer for step-dc.

And all the anti-stepmums say is 'you know you had kids when you got with him', never 'the dad should take care of his own children'.

Uhhhhhhh, nope

I never had men running after me in my twenties and thirties. Now I own a five bedroom house, my own car and have men beating down the door. I’m under no illusion as to why! 🤨

Blimey!

Have they? I look around me and around MN and there is no shortage of intelligent, solvent, otherwise sensible property owning women blindly walking into these very relationships.

All complaining of a cocklodging, feckless father who has dumped his childcare responsibilities on her, doesn’t/barely contributes to the household (financially or physically).

You wonder how they end up in these situations, because none of it makes sense.

Generally women leave because they are unhappy. Men will only leave once they have someone new…

YANBU. There was a poster here who was heavily pregnant and doing an hour school run for her step-DC because it suited both their mum and dad. They expected her to continue to do it with a newborn!

Anyone remember the thread with the poster who owned her own home and the new fella wanted her to give up her dog so she could spend her money on the kids 😂

Oh yes, I remember that one!

That's true.

Yes, I remember that one. There have been a few others, perhaps not quite as entitled as that, but still bad.

You can't tar everyone with the same brush so yabu. We are a blended family and we share care of all the kids. I actually travel more with work than he does, he is a very proactive hands on partner and does loads for all of the kids. Equally I'm happy to care for them all as needed.

Yes there are plenty of men, and women actually, who don't cover themselves with glory but there are also plenty of good, dedicated parents of both sexes, I'd say the majority are decent tbh.

Although, somewhat bizarrely, plenty of them move in with women who have children of their own and often for nearly all or all of the time.

Yep, and the woman is expected to care for her dc with no input from the man.

A lot of men want an unpaid cook, house keeper, nanny and general admin.

I feel terribly sorry for those women who fall for it without realising that's the deal.