To think that this is why fathers remarry

[TheShellBeach]

I think it's possible that some fathers, having left their wives, decide pretty quickly to remarry (or start living with a woman) so that there's a replacement women there to look after the children when they have contact/access.

Obviously this isn't true in all cases but it wouldn't surprise me if quite a lot of them did it for this reason.

After all, there are countless threads on here about so-called blended families, where the woman concerned just ends up as the default carer for another woman's children, and the actual father abdicates his responsibilities, leaving her to it.

AIBU?

lol

I think they want the full package of female coded labour.

I think men are good at finding women to run their house as equally as women tend to just run an mans house. The reasons for maybe obvious as it is more natural for women if your generalising but the women does have a choice what they take on.

I think it is a factor but not the only one. Some men I am sure just want regular sex again, some I suspect just cannot bear the thought of not being in a relationship (though that applies to some women as well).

My ex literally told me he got with his now wife because we had 4 kids and he found it too much, she only had 2 so it was an easier life for him.

He hasn't seen or spoken to our dc in about 5 or 6 years now, hope the prick is enjoying his new easy life.

I see this trotted as gospel on MN all the time but it doesn't tally with my experience at all. I've known tons of men who've ended relationships simply because it wasn't working for them.

It wasn’t working for them… yeah fine. But the speed with which they find a new woman is impressive

"They"? Every single man who's ever got out of a relationship? Some do some don't. Just like some women spend very little time out of a relationship while others are very happy to be single.

My ex openly admitted this is what he would do, so yes. In some, possibly many, cases!

In my opinion, most people who remarry do so:

(1) they married too young the first time or for the wrong reasons - they see the value in a better relationship

(2) the completely married the wrong person - unreliable, cheat etc & when they meet someone much better they want to do it right the second time

(3) the married to make their affair seem more respectable

In cases where people amicably split, and where both we well matched by grew apart especially where ill health, grief, infertility, stress, financial pressures etc. was a contributing factor, they then to be more cautious & less likely to marry again, because they know that even if it's a good decision at the time,life sometimes causes things to not workout. Often very happy couples, just more cautious & a reluctance to change a relationship that's working by deciding to re marry.

I could be way off but it seems to apply to the people I know.

I alo know very few men wanted to split unless there was another woman, no matter how bad the relationship was.

The “they”’on this thread refers to those men talked about in the OP where it said “it’s possible that some men”. We are taking about whether there is a certain type of man that is happy to be in a relationship (any relationship) because it provides childcare, a maid, and a nice house.

No one is referring to every single man 🤣

I fell for it, met a man who was about to be evicted from his house due to non payment of the mortgage. We married and he moved in so quickly. And I know a woman who got a nice little flat and suddenly there was a bf who moved in within a matter of weeks!

As a child-free single woman, nothing is less attractive than a divorced man with children. This is the consensus among my female friends too.

I'd say more of them leave because their ex kicks them out.

It rarely takes them long to find another woman who has her own place and her own kids.

Once they move in, the woman's kids become an inconvenience, but he'll tell her what a wonderful mum she is and how he really wants a baby with her and before you know it, she's trapped.

Not always of course but I've witnessed this sort of thing way more times than I care to think about.

Just to add - and he did!

It's not that deep. I think most men just want a woman.

I think men enjoy having a woman in their lives, as in literally just a woman, any woman; and it helps if she’s attractive and looks after them. This is why so many men quickly remarry after their beloved wife of 20/30/40 years died, whereas a woman will generally either live alone as she’s done with men or will be alone for quite a while in grief. Men are very much “oh that’s sad… next”. Seen it happen so, so many times.

This is my brother - he brings excellent DIY skills and a large bank account but is an utterly terrible parent to his own two kids. He is now an awkward, Disney adult to two additional kids but the two mums get to do all the heavy lifting.

and it helps if she’s attractive and looks after them.

And has her own home.

Spot on!

I agree OP. One of things I liked about my now DH (he has 2 kids from a previous relationship) was that he had been single for nearly 6 years, had lived independently, ran his own household on his own, and was happy raising his kids on his time solo.

I had my own 2 kids coming into the relationship so I was adamant I didn’t want to date someone who was dependent or needed help with childcare.

My ex already targeted me before he left his first wife him being arrested during our marriage was a shock so he moved to his mums but hecwas back on dating websites before his first bail was up gotbwith another woman with her own place (same as me and wife 1) left her for a close friend of hers coincidence that she ALSO has her own place he has literally never had a place of his own at 45 years old

Why do many women feel they have to cook and clean and do all the chores and childcare? Why do they actually do it?

Which is often why they ditch the children and forget to mention them until far further down the line, if at all.

"No-one loves you more than a man in need of somewhere to sleep"

@Theunamedcat

That is so true