To think that this is why fathers remarry

[TheShellBeach]

I think it's possible that some fathers, having left their wives, decide pretty quickly to remarry (or start living with a woman) so that there's a replacement women there to look after the children when they have contact/access.

Obviously this isn't true in all cases but it wouldn't surprise me if quite a lot of them did it for this reason.

After all, there are countless threads on here about so-called blended families, where the woman concerned just ends up as the default carer for another woman's children, and the actual father abdicates his responsibilities, leaving her to it.

AIBU?

Actually, your assumption that it is appreciated does not always hold true. Even some of the comments on this thread show that it is not appreciated, it’s expected.

These expectations are set around what suits the parent - sometimes with the assertion that they’d end the relationship if hey didn’t get enough in the way of financial/childcare/housework services.

Lots of SP are perfectly nice to their SC but it’s still not enough for the people around them - and certainly not for the posters of MN.

I'm talking about from the perspective of the biological mother. From your post it sounds like you're talking about the fathers?
So maybe this is a misunderstanding?

But in my experience the views on MN do not reflect SP/biological mother relationships in real life, and most mothers I know do appreciate when the SM strikes the right balance with her kids.

1. I’m talking about mothers and fathers with their partners - and the wider world too.
2. This ‘the right balance’ as determined by the child’s mother, about her ex’s partner, may not be reasonable or fair.

Personally, I expect absolutely nothing from my DS’s stepmum. She is none of my business. Her involvement with DS is for her and my ex to determine. I don’t get to decide whether she’s ’striking the right balance’.

The classic case is an older man with grown up children who leaves his wife for someone his daughter's age he met at work. Then she wants kids and he has to deal with sleepless nights and nappies all over again in his 50s. Seems like good karma all round to me!

Well as I said many SMs seem to strike the right balance that seems to work for both them and for the childs mother and that leads to a civil and friendly relationship 😄

It's not something we get to decide on, it's something that we form an opinion on.

Pretty weird not to form an opinion on something like that. Our brains form opinions on pretty much everything 😂

Well my "balance" must have been perfect then as DSD chose to remain with me after me and her dad divorced.

why is "balance" in inverted commas like it's an offensive concept?

I was quoting your word hence using quotation marks. Nothing more, nothing less.

It's a very normal and common word (and concept) when it comes to stepparenting and blending families!