To be hankering after a third?!

[freespirit333]

My DS’ are 8 and 5, so even if I were to get pregnant tomorrow, there would be age gaps of 9 and nearly 6 years.

I suspect both are ND, DS1 has an ADHD diagnose (he could also be autistic) and I suspect DS2 is probably ND, although harder to pin at this stage, he’s very different to DS1 whose ADHD traits were obvious from 3.

So both high needs kids, in different ways. Certainly not laid back and placid!

But I cannot shake this urge for a third baby, time is running out as I’m 38 soon and DH would be mid forties by the time we had another.

Plus the usual stuff about money, room, holidays, cars.

It’s not actually a good idea, is it?

I think it's probably not a good idea, but I sympathize because I also can't shake the urge for a third baby even though it would be wildly impractical.

ND is genetic so if both your kids are there is a high chance that a third could be also, and much higher needs than your existing children. I wouldn’t risk it, personally.

@Grinchinlaws very much as DH has ADHD, although only diagnosed in his early 40’s. The jury is out on DS2. That is a worry though as I feel as far as ND is concerned, we’ve gotten off “lightly” (although we’ve not reached the teen years…)

What it is I wonder @allfurcoatnoknickers. Biology?!

We were in your situation (2 neurodivergent boys- asd and adhd tho not diagnosed til later) and I desperately wanted a third. DS3 came along and is also neurodivergent. It was a LOT and nearly broke us for several years. Life is better now, they are 13,10 and 6 but it’s still incredibly full on. There are also many joys to a bigger family. There wasn’t a magical answer after we did it- it’s still both things- all the bad things you likely fear are true for us and all the good things you likely hope for are also true…..

I totally get it OP. I’m 37 and pregnant with DC3 though my kids are a little younger (5 and 3). We deliberated for ages and my biggest fear is spreading my time 3 ways instead of 2 and the impact it will have on DCs 1 and 2. As I’m older the risk of additional needs is obviously higher as well, which would mean even less time for 1&2. If there was a factor that suggested we were more likely than average to have a child with additional needs then I wouldn’t have gone for it. As it is, it’s a big concern for me and I’ve been very anxious this pregnancy. Of course though I will love the baby no matter what but it is a lottery and very much heart over head.

Yes lottery springs to mind. I’ve also had no miscarriages and fell pregnant easily both times. It’s a bit of a “quit while you’re ahead” mantra from my head.

Also that I just enjoy life with DC as opposed to DBabies, days out and holidays are good fun! No worrying about naps, nappies, feeding. And I do think that for DS1 and 2’s ages, it would hold them back in terms of the family days out we could go for. And holidays.

What you’ve said is lovely. It’s never a fairy tell regardless of the situation, is it.