To be fed up with apologising to DH

[Fizzyrosie]

I make lots of little mistakes, forgetting to lock the back door or not putting the handbrake on.

And I don't disagree that I should do all these things but I am fed up hearing myself apologise to DH when he picks me up about every single thing.

And every fucking apology has to be 'no excuses'. I learnt from 20 plus year's practice there's no point trying to explain the in and outs on the situation ,it has to a full bodied apology.

When everything is ticking along and I'm not knackered then it doesn't really bother me and I can take it in my stride but when I'm already feeling a bit low it really does get to me. I've tried explaining this to DH but he doesn't get it and for him it's black and white - we've agreed on X or y and I've not followed this but can't be let some stuff go. Sometimes there might be 5 mini lectures through the day and I have to apologise for each one and I'm sick of it.

She said the OP was the female version of her ex, a sack of shit. So eloquent. She has what are commonly termed as anger issues. You seem tp have difficulty with comprehension?

Forgetting to lock the back door on occasion does not make someone a sack of shit. The responses on here are ridiculous. Some people need to get themselves some real problems.

Alternate morning dog walk. Ditto clubs, cooking dinner . Eat with your children instead of catering twice that's daft and not good for digestion, sleep.

Be in bed by 10.30 pm.

You're damaging your health physical and mental.

If you live in fear of being told off for getting things wrong, it makes you more likely to get things wrong IME.

Mine loved me getting things wrong. A chance to put me down and further squash my self-esteem into nothing.

Thanks to MN I divorced him.

Op -

Do you have epilepsy? You just mentioned epilepsy meds ?

Jesus you need to be a kinder to yourself and I'm sorry but having to constantly apologise to an equal is just wrong .
Does he have any understanding of neurological issues?

You're doing an awful lot mentally with work the kids , clubs , etc . Could he not do more to help instead of lecturing you ?

OP - your husband sounds a little bit controlling & you sound a bit browbeaten. Why is the handbrake so important on a flat drive? What does he think is going to happen? Our drive is steep af so we NEED to leave it on for safety's sake.

Get some mug mats for the place you put your cups down.

Unless you're leaving the house, why does the backdoor need to be locked?

Unless there's a lot you're missing out your husband doesn't sound very reasonable I'm afraid.

This thread isn't a pity party for you and your anger issues.

I think it's your bedtime, don't you

Coming here to say all this.

My ex would act like this, constantly ‘forgetting’ things or making ‘mistakes’ it drove me absolutely nuts. He often put the safety of me and the kids into question e.g. leaving the door wide open when he left for work, losing his keys taking mine then locking me in forcing me to climb through windows for the school run, forgetting to pick up our kids, forgetting their seatbelts, going out and leaving the gas hob on etc.

It’s maddening.

I very quickly got sick of having to always sort out his messes, all he did was add to my already overflowing mental load. He made me feel like his mother, or like an old boring nag. His behaviour was deeply unattractive. He turned himself into my fourth child.

Also, not been suggested yet by anyone else, but are you sure you are responsible for all of these things? It’s called gaslighting

Suggestion: a MN variant of Godwin's Law. The longer a thread goes on, the more probable it becomes that someone will suggest the OP is a victim of gaslighting 🙄

Your DH's attitude to your lapses is pretty shit. Yes, they could be considered serious but I'm sure you are not doing it on purpose and your DH doesn't understand this. He'll think you are doing this because you don't care about what he thinks, that you don't respect him etc.

He probably does understand this but is himself fed up to the back teeth with reminding OP not to do it, because he also probably understands that leaving doors unlocked voids insurance in the case of burglary and that but, but, but, I didn't do it on purpose... is no defence. And in his position it really does feel like OP can't be bothered to care what he thinks or respect his wishes. I've been there.

Sure but there's a time and place. This is someone else's thread for help.

Theresastormcoming

It fine to be angry at the person you should be directing that anger at - but the op isn't your husband- is on epilepsy medication and is carrying a lot .

Why don't you start your own thread . Everyone can nod and sympathise and agree your ex is useless.

It's not fair to direct your issues at the op here who has actually been really gracious despite comments like yours .

She's not your husband. She leaves the handbrake off and doesn't use coasters- maybe not in the same league as what you're dealing with ?

He's not your dad, tell him to fuck up & fuck off.

You're clearly dealing with a situation that hurts you so much you want to hurt others. Why not start your own thread to talk about it, instead of kicking op while she's down and saying appalling things to other posters.

God to be fair my husband ‘forgets’ things like turning off taps, closing the fridge, locking up etc and it’s so frustrating!

I would be annoyed too.

I have adhd op and I resonate with this and was constantly being told off by ex for frankly smaller things than this. I became so anxious it became even harder to to think straight. Couldn't tell you if it's the same thing though.

I do think 6 hours sleep is nowhere near enough so maybe leave the house a bit grotty for a week and try upping sleep by first an hour then two? I also knew someone with similar symptoms that was taking epilepsy meds that she discovered weren't actually controlling seizures properly so she wasn't physically seizing but having multiple small ones per hour so worth asking the doctor about this possibility?

Op

I definitely think you need to see your gp.

Ok I'll just report your abusive posts instead.

Nope, you've just tried to make someone else's thread all about you. You come across very poorly and I really do think you should try to get professional help because you seem to have no control of your anger.

This sounds a lot like my ADHD DH, his current one is leaving the car unlocked, we park on a main or side road so no private parking. My biggest concern is the wing mirror being taken off (automatically goes in when car is locked) which has happened with previous cars. I try and not kick off with him but remind him it needs doing. Each time it happens is usually when he’s stressed or preoccupied. One thing I’ve done to manage this is ask him to park on the side road as the cars don’t speed past and less chance of the mirror being taken off.

He use to regularly leave the house unlocked, for years I’d get up to find windows and doors open, even the garage door in our old house which had an internal access to the house would be left open. I use to go nuts but since finding out he has adhd we work on these things together.

ive gotten less precious or concerned about a lot of things, the cup thing I now would let slide. If I put too much pressure or nag about too much it’s counter productive, so I focus on the key issues that I know I can get him to fix.

Good Look