To be fed up with apologising to DH

[Fizzyrosie]

I make lots of little mistakes, forgetting to lock the back door or not putting the handbrake on.

And I don't disagree that I should do all these things but I am fed up hearing myself apologise to DH when he picks me up about every single thing.

And every fucking apology has to be 'no excuses'. I learnt from 20 plus year's practice there's no point trying to explain the in and outs on the situation ,it has to a full bodied apology.

When everything is ticking along and I'm not knackered then it doesn't really bother me and I can take it in my stride but when I'm already feeling a bit low it really does get to me. I've tried explaining this to DH but he doesn't get it and for him it's black and white - we've agreed on X or y and I've not followed this but can't be let some stuff go. Sometimes there might be 5 mini lectures through the day and I have to apologise for each one and I'm sick of it.

Do you keep making the same mistakes, like with the locking up and putting the handbrake on?

Tbh I’d be pissed off if my DH forgot to lock the back door if we were going to bed or going out. It’s not difficult is it? You’ve already agreed on X or Y so why are you not doing it? This would be a different story if someone was moaning their DH wasn’t wasn’t doing simple things in life.

I make lots of little mistakes, forgetting to lock the back door or not putting the handbrake on.

Edited to add this part. These are NOT little mistakes.

I make lots of little mistakes, forgetting to lock the back door or not putting the handbrake on.

Forgetting to lock the door and not putting the handbrake on are not 'little mistakes'. There can be serious repercussions.

No they do although there are trends, I have managed to stop the handbrake one. Sometimes it's the dishwasher, or putting cups on the chest of drawers so it makes a little mark. I am so conscious that most of the conversations I have with DH involve me apologising.

These are all quite serious mistakes though. As an aside, were you always like this? I wonder if you have a parent child dynamic going on?

Those are pretty big things to be forgiving for. And your whole attitude is quite telling. I would be pissed off at dh if he couldn't use his brains to not endanger us or put us at risk. And I would be even more angry if he thought an apology over and over would cut it.

That sounds miserable. Your self confidence must be shot to pieces. Does he ever praise you? Build you up? Say anything positive?
Do you think you could be unwell or chronically overtired?
I remember being forgetful when sleep deprived.

Grow up OP . This is a wind up surely

Do you drink a lot?

I think you need to seriously reconsider if you want to live like this you must be so so anxious - you might love
The mans and want a committed relationship with him but might you be happier and more relaxed each running your own home?

Have you always been forgetful? Have you lost your confidence?

He tells you off for a cup on the chest of drawers and you have to apologise?!

He's not your boss, not your dad, and not your headmaster.

Fuck. That.

Tbh if you keep forgetting to put the handbrake on, you shouldn't be driving. Forgetting to lock doors can have serious consequences. If those are little mistakes to you then what would you consider to be big mistakes!

Your Dh is probably fed up of carrying your mental load as well as his own.

Forgetting to put the handbrake on is not a "little" mistake OP, that's serious! You sound quite scatty, potentially ND in some way? Either that or you just live in your own world..

My OH does lots of little annoying things, and he would forget to check the front door is locked if it wasn't part of his daily routine before going to bed.

Sorry but I think you need to buck your ideas up a bit, it must be very tiresome for him.

That's a lot of repeated mistakes throughout the day though. And not just, 'I put the cup in the wrong cupboard' mistakes. It's sounds like you are both struggling. You for having to hear all the times you did something wrong and apologizing for it, and DH for having to watch over you excessively and safeguard every little thing. I think you both need to sit down and have a deep chat on how you will resolve this.

I'm afraid it probably isn't. My now ex used to do shit like this constantly. Always left the house unlocked. Always forgot everything. Left my car keys in the door. Forgot to pick the kids up from school. Forgot to take the kids to school one day. I should have seen the signs when he burnt super noddles TBH.

He said I destroyed his self esteem. He gave me anxiety and I hated him for being a third child to look after. He left and very quickly moved in with another woman who also mothers him.

Are you this rude in real life?

Telling another person to shut up just because you don't agree with them is toddler territory.

Honestly at some points in my marriage, I could have written this.

I grew up in a place where people didn't lock their doors. Windows were wide open all night. The car was never locked. It was a huge learning curve for me when I moved to the UK, and DH used to (rightfully) pull me up on it every time.

Other simple forgetful things would be picked at by DH. I didn't put away the sugar after I made tea. I left the hall light on when I went to bed. I forgot the reusable shopping bags when I went to do the groceries. He would comment every single time and it made me feel like I couldn't do anything right.

The only way to deal with it is to tell him how frequently he criticizes you. If he's anything like my DH, he didn't even realize he was doing it and is just a grumpy bugger.

It’s odd to me that this whole apologising to your husband thing has become a thing. Because what difference does it actually make to the issue? None whatsoever!

You need to get to the root cause of why you keep doing/not doing these things.

I also wonder if there’s a part of you (possibly subconscious) that does it on purpose because of the way this seems to be such a big and ongoing thing in your relationship.

What do you think is going on here OP?

I would be pretty angry with DH if he kept forgetting to lock up, or put the handbrake on. I wouldn’t want an apology though, I’d want him to stop doing it. I also wouldn’t be especially pleased with damaging furniture but it is not as bad as the other examples. Are you being serious though?

This is a tough one, op. Not locking doors and not engaging hand brakes are serious, and I'll be honest, if I were your husband and you were constantly making marks on furniture due to wet glasses/cups, I'd be really fucking irritated.

Are you really this forgetful and/or belligerent?

Get about 6 hours sleep and am tired but who isn't and don't drink a lot, maybe a glass or two Thursday to Sunday. I guess I do see these things a little as I don't leave the door unlocked at night or when we go out, just during the day when I have to take the dog out. I do agree that I shouldn't make the mistakes though. Just feel fed up having to apologise constantly. Obviously others don't find it so hard to do this basic stuff. Every time I forget or apologise I do try to remember that thing but then manage to forget something else

Handbrake isn't great obvs, to be fair we have an enclosed and very flat drive.

Putting the handbrake on should be drummed into your muscle memory.