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AIBU?

If you wanted to find out if someone had died...

62 replies

LolaLouise · 25/01/2024 13:25

And you had no way to contact immediate family as they are all blocked on phone/social media for legitimate reasons, where would you start...?

My ex husband has been paying CMS via deduction from his benefit for a long time, there is no way this man has gotten employment, however cms payments have stopped for the past 3 months.

Contacting his family is a no go due to the abusive nature of the relationship and their behaviour during the marriage. I dont know any of his friends etc as its been 10 years since the marriage ended. He has been n/c with our children the entire time through his own choices too. I have no current or even previous addresses for him. I can see his social media but what is public hasnt been changed since around 2017.

I cant think of any other reason why cms payments would have stopped, they cant update me all they can say is they havent received a payment for 3 months to pass on to me. If he had a job which is why the nov stopped (unlikely) then the recalculation based of a wage would have happened by now too, and theres nothing there.

Where would you start with this information?

OP posts:
fatphalange · 25/01/2024 13:27

You could look on your local council's listed inquest list

IamSmarticus · 25/01/2024 13:28

If you know the area he lived in, try a google search of his name plus area, or look at the local newspapers death announcements, to see if anyone has posted a notice.

fatphalange · 25/01/2024 13:29

Sorry, posted too soon. It's not guaranteed to be listed but I've found out things from this sometimes.
Also search his name on FB in posts to see if anyone's RIPed him

Whattobakeiwonder · 25/01/2024 13:29

When my xh died CMS wrote to tell me why they had terminated the claim.

trussedchicken · 25/01/2024 13:30

Google his name and the word death and his local area. You might find a notice of death in local press, or a funeral notice on undertaker's website.

LolaLouise · 25/01/2024 13:31

Ive tried searching local press and the internet and not found anything. I can only see a timetable of inquests due to take place this week not a full list

OP posts:
LolaLouise · 25/01/2024 13:32

Whattobakeiwonder · 25/01/2024 13:29

When my xh died CMS wrote to tell me why they had terminated the claim.

How long did this take?

OP posts:
CoffeeMachineNewbie · 25/01/2024 13:32

If his social media hasnt changed since 2017 and you only havent had payments for 3 months the two arent linked.

I expect he has just stopped paying.

CoffeeMachineNewbie · 25/01/2024 13:33

Also if he died your child would inherit unless he had written a will explicitly cutting his son out of it.

LolaLouise · 25/01/2024 13:35

CoffeeMachineNewbie · 25/01/2024 13:32

If his social media hasnt changed since 2017 and you only havent had payments for 3 months the two arent linked.

I expect he has just stopped paying.

Edited

He was never a big sm user, all i can see is a profile pic that hasnt changed, no friends are public etc

The payments are (were) automatically deducted from benefits so he didnt have the option to just not pay. He claimed long term sick benefits so they wouldnt just stop unless he got a job, which is hugely unlikely given i left him due to alcoholism and abuse and last i heard he was using drugs and no fixed abode. Employment is highly unlikely

OP posts:
LolaLouise · 25/01/2024 13:36

CoffeeMachineNewbie · 25/01/2024 13:33

Also if he died your child would inherit unless he had written a will explicitly cutting his son out of it.

Thered be nothing to inherit. I just want to know for my children's sake if this is the case

OP posts:
Makeitmakesensetoday · 25/01/2024 13:37

How odd, is there a way of seeing if a death cert has been produced?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 25/01/2024 13:38

CMS should be chasing up the missing payments. Push them to chase the payments - it won’t take them long to find out if he’s on benefits.

fulgrate · 25/01/2024 13:38

Local undertakers

in Scotland you can search Scotland's people although I don't know how long between a registration being made it updates

fulgrate · 25/01/2024 13:39

Local undertakers Facebook that should read

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 25/01/2024 13:39

fulgrate · 25/01/2024 13:38

Local undertakers

in Scotland you can search Scotland's people although I don't know how long between a registration being made it updates

It can take up to 6 months to update.

fulgrate · 25/01/2024 13:40

@YetMoreNewBeginnings

Ah thanks, I wasn't sure

blobby10 · 25/01/2024 13:41

Its really hard to find out tbh if the family haven't put any death notices or funeral announcements out. When my partner died, he had no SM presence at all and his family posted no death notices or announcements so there is nothing anywhere.

Have you tried searching the probate list?

Andthereyougo · 25/01/2024 13:42

Contact CMS and ask them to chase up payments.
Contact his local Coroner’s office and ask if they know of his death. I’ve had to deal with Coroner’s a few times and found them helpful each time.
Do you know his address? Could you drive by his house, see if it has for sale or to let signs? If too distant look on RightMove.

His local Council births, marriages and deaths Registrar?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 25/01/2024 13:42

Can you ask a friend that hasn't blocked his friends or family on SM to see if they can see anything?

fatphalange · 25/01/2024 13:44

You could search for his death certificate either online or your local register office

3luckystars · 25/01/2024 13:44

Could you ring them up and ask them (the CmS?) why the payments have stopped?

LolaLouise · 25/01/2024 13:48

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 25/01/2024 13:42

Can you ask a friend that hasn't blocked his friends or family on SM to see if they can see anything?

Ive asked that, all the profiles are not public bar basic information and theres nothing visible. I havent asked anyone to ask directly as "hi you dont know me but is your son/brother dead" just seems like a ridiculous thing to do.

Ive called cms and they have said is they haven't received the payments to pass on to me and they are "looking in to it"

OP posts:
Whattobakeiwonder · 25/01/2024 13:49

@LolaLouise about three months but he did have an executor who dealt with everything efficiently.

Ilovemyshed · 25/01/2024 13:49

Death certificates are a matter of public record so you find something with a search via that.

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