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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to deal with this complaint from my new boss

42 replies

Coffeegrounddown · 11/09/2023 17:41

So I've recently changed departments in the company I've been working in for over a decade. I have an impeccable work record in the company.

I'm working on a new project and my new line manager knows about the project of course but doesn't really know the ins and outs. That's fine, it's not his job to know, that's why he hired me.

But twice now in a month he's called me into his office to let me know that I have a poor work ethic, that I complain to get out of work, and that I lie to cover my lack of work. Not an official complaint yet, he kindly tells me, just to keep lines of communication open apparently.

The reason I was in trouble today was because I suggested we need an extension on a soft deadline which is basically unmanageable. My manager doesn't really understand the complexity of his request and he thinks my suggesting an extension is evidence of me lying and being workshy.

I don't really know what I'm asking except what on earth should I do about this?

OP posts:

TempName247 · 11/09/2023 17:44

do you complain to get out of work and lie?

Precipice · 11/09/2023 17:46

Unless you think what he says to you is true, go to HR. That's not an acceptable way for a boss to address a subordinate.

JellyBellies · 11/09/2023 17:48

Talk to him about your work, surely he needs more context around moving deadlines?

Aquamarine1029 · 11/09/2023 17:49

But twice now in a month he's called me into his office to let me know that I have a poor work ethic, that I complain to get out of work, and that I lie to cover my lack of work.

Unless any of this is true, him saying this is shocking. He's actually calling you a liar?

Ilikewinter · 11/09/2023 17:50

Wow what a twat. 100% I wouldnt be letting him speak to me like that. Report to HR, however be prepared for his reaction!

Oh and Id follow up every conversation with an email - detail the requirement for an extension to the deadline and specifically why.

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 11/09/2023 17:51

You need to give a really detailed request explaining exactly why it needs to be extended, giving relevant context etc.

if you’ve done this and he doesn’t get it, contact HR. Are you in a union?

CaramelMac · 11/09/2023 17:51

I would see if you can go back to your old job, I don’t think this will end well, he sounds like an idiot.

Jackiebrambles · 11/09/2023 17:52

That’s horrific. I’d be explaining the issues with the deadline in writing to him. Everything in writing from now on. And I’d start job hunting.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 11/09/2023 17:55

Can you outline to him what is required to complete the project in terms of complexity and a reasonable estimate of the time each task will take? This should give you both a clearer idea of what is involved.

Mamette · 11/09/2023 17:58

Sounds like he’s lining you up to be a scapegoat for any issues with the project. I don’t think I would want to work with him, how dare he!

Coffeegrounddown2 · 11/09/2023 18:00

I'm the OP but for some reason it keeps asking for a new username when I post.

Okay, so I am a reliable employee. I've never missed a deadline in over a decade and have one of the best client retention/recruitment records in the company. That's why I assumed I was trusted with the new project.

I really want to let HR know but they are unsupportive.

I'm tempted to put today's 'chat' into an email to him so that we have a record. Or ask for another meeting to address his concerns. Or option 3, work wild overtime for the rest of the week to get the job finished according to his fucking ridiculous deadline.

I'm so annoyed with myself for trying to defend myself during our 'chat' today. I don't deserve to be treated so disrespectfully and I shouldn't have kowtowed to him.

sandyhappypeople · 11/09/2023 18:00

For starters I’d do a timeline, every time he calls you in make a note of the date, time, length of the meeting and exactly what was said. Write anything relevant down in the way he treats & speaks to you.

if he has a complaint during the meeting, make sure you write it down and write down your justification for his complaint (basically as you’ve done here), if you have any evidence that backs up your explanation, then save that too, especially with regards to lying! If you’re unsure what he means when he accuses you of it, then ask him to clarify and push him to explain.

No need to tell him what you’re doing as long as you don’t record him or anything like that.

It could just be his management style, but this sounds like an unfair dismissal waiting to happen and you need to have documented evidence if the shit hits the fan.

it may be worth approaching HR to see what they say.

Coffeegrounddown2 · 11/09/2023 18:02

Oh and I did give him a breakdown of the job and why it wouldn't meet the deadline, and asked for a specific new deadline, and he told me (in a roundabout way) that I was whining and being lazy and I better finish it by his original date.

BlueKaftan · 11/09/2023 18:03

I’d be asking him for evidence of his claims. Write everything down.

TempName247 · 11/09/2023 18:04

I would be livid to be accused of lying

MathsIsFab · 11/09/2023 18:04

I’ve had this OP and ended up leaving my job (just last week), but I am a consultant so it was my choice to leave when I couldn’t take it anymore

you can see when a boss is a right dick, using non objective language that reflects his feelings rather than facts

IMO it won’t end well because of the way he approached his feedback - way too emotive - and you probably don’t want to have a bad relationship with your boss so… you might want to think of options

good luck x

Aquamarine1029 · 11/09/2023 18:07

I would make sure absolutely everything, every communication, is in writing, or any conversations are followed up with an email.

I would be trying to get out of his department as soon as possible.

Coffeegrounddown2 · 11/09/2023 18:09

I am absolutely livid. I'm spitting. I'm close to telling him to fuck his job and running away from the company but unfortunately I have a mortgage to pay

Travis1 · 11/09/2023 18:12

I would definitely follow up in writing todays ‘chat’ complete with breakdown of extension request

MathsIsFab · 11/09/2023 18:14

Coffeegrounddown2 · 11/09/2023 18:09

I am absolutely livid. I'm spitting. I'm close to telling him to fuck his job and running away from the company but unfortunately I have a mortgage to pay

is it big company?

are there other areas you can look into?

would you consider looking into other companies?

i know it’s tempting but don’t react (like him!), think carefully of what to do next

ManchesterGirl2 · 11/09/2023 18:16

I'd be job hunting. I'd also be putting everything in writing.

Does he have a manager that you can raise this with? Accusing your employees is not a professional way to manage someone!

Don't work overtime to meet his ridiculous deadline, then he'll just pull the same stunt again.

Bonbon21 · 11/09/2023 18:18

Email him to confirm the conversation you had today. State that you object to being called a liar and he is being unprofessional.
Second email to outline why he is talking shit and you do actually know what you are talking about.
Document every interaction.
If he doesnt back down go over his head to his line manager.
Dont back down on this... you are not in the wrong and the more he digs in the bigger ass he will make of himself.

MathsIsFab · 11/09/2023 18:22

It’s not even about the timeline!

there is absolutely zero excuse about his language !

people are people they miss timelines, they make mistakes etx…. He straight away assumed number of things about you, that’s bad and I guarantee you it will happen again

have you talked to anyone else in the new department about this? He must have done this before for sure!

GrumpyPanda · 11/09/2023 18:22

So this is a project you worked on before changing departments, which is why your boss isn't familiar with it. Hence this must be something of import to the company as a whole, not just this department? Are any other managers invested in it - anyone you could cc, either sideways or your boss's boss? Why did you get switched into this particular department if you're not working on its core mission, and us there any chance on maybe switching yet again?

Thelnebriati · 11/09/2023 18:35

Send a follow up email asking him to explain his points again and see if he's stupid enough to put it in writing.

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