To think the veneer of civilisation is quite thin?

[Ovawhelm]

Reading the thread about all those unsolved cases of murder and disappearance. What the fuck.

I like to believe it is very rare for people to be a) actual deliberate murderers or b) so impulsive and aggressive they lash out in anger, and then realise their victim has died, so then try to make the body disappear.

But I think the latter is probably more common and it's quite depressing. Especially when you add in all the violent crime that doesn't end up in murder - obviously good that people survive but really, humans are capable of such extreme violence. There is so much domestic abuse etc.

Of course everyones knows all this, plenty of historical evidence as well as current wartorn parts of the world.

Have you ever been struck how cushioned we are from the reality of violence a lot of the time, but also how thin the veneer of civilisation is?

I know what you are saying and agree wholeheartedly

I am now very aware though.

I spent a weekend away recently- flew out and back. Yes, the veneer of civilisation is slim.

It's a small number of worldwide cases on a single thread so it looks more.

Think of it more in the context of how many people you know or have known over your lifetime, and their friends and family and how many were murdered or are missing. A tiny number if any would be the answer for most people.

It's rife

But so is poor mental health and addictions... they add fuel

Agree, but the ones on the thread are the ones that the violence progresses to killing. Plus most are the unsolved cases.

It is depressingly common however for someone to post on MN saying their partner put his hands around her neck, for example.

It is basically only chance that prevents impulsive aggression like that winding up as another murder.

It feels like serious violence is far, far more common than I would like to admit to myself as I go about daily life.

No. There's a high percentage of people who don't experience any major lack of civilisation for their entire lives. Hearing about a bunch of rarities doesn't stop them being rare. The thinness of the veneer isn't about how much you know.

My Dad used to use this exact phrase, YANBU.

Well, my cousin was murdered by her ex partner. My DH was friends with a guy who suffered severe mental illness, and killed both his parents and a number of their friends. Another cousin of mine died in suspicious circumstances.

I worked with someone who killed his wife

I once read a quote along the lines of ‘women are only alive because men allow them to be’ which is basically true. I have deliberately made my life a bubble of love and respect, but sometimes the bubble has to shrink very small and not allow anyone in! There is a lot of good in the world but also shitloads of nastiness.

I once read a quote along the lines of ‘women are only alive because men allow them to be’ which is basically true

This is chilling.

There is a lot of good in the world but also shitloads of nastiness

Yes I agree there is a lot of good out there, but unfortunately so much opportunistic or reckless violence.

I actually think most people are amazingly good. I feel real comfort from how boring and routine and regular most people are.

I think reading/watching much real crime is really unhealthy, it fucks your view.

I don't think boring, routine and regular = amazingly good or even just safe, I guess.

I think boring, routine and regular can just as easily become some guy who drinks too much and puts his hands round the neck of a woman in a fit of rage. Which may or may not end in disaster.

It's not that there are lots of scheming murderous masterminds out there who actively plan killing folk. I think it's just that serious violence springs to the surface in a depressingly high amount of men.

I think we're only one small glance away from lord of the flies, yes

Given the chance most people would rape/murder/abuse

Given the chance most people would rape/murder/abuse

But we all have the chance, and most of us don't. What a ridiculous statement.

But we don't have the chance. The law prevents us. Those of us who live in a civilised society should be thankful for our privilege. Look up the statistics for rape in war. Basically when ever people get the chance to exploit someone who is more vulnerable than them they take it, if not prevented it seems. Two million women raped by the Soviet army in Berlin. That's not one or two bad apples. That's more or less everyone. And 250000 women died of the rape injuries. So yes civilisation is a very thin veneer.

Wrong to judge everyone by your own standards!!!

Blue seriously, this is just not true. You've got a distorted view.

We all know that domestic violence is too high but the majority do not commit violence.