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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think eating dinner at 10pm is too late?

32 replies

Lemonaade · 13/08/2023 20:01

For context- DPs turn to make dinner and I’ve just got DC to bed after doing everything with them today and he still hasn’t started it, says it’s going to be around 10. He always ends up making dinner around 10 or later and while I’m grateful he’s making it as I’m sometimes just too tired as I do it mostly, I’m usually ravenous by the time we have it and tired.

He’s pissed off because I’m hungry now.

AIBU -10pm isn’t late
YANBU - 10pm is late

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 13/08/2023 20:02

YANBU. What does he say when you say it’s too late and ask him to do it earlier?

HerRoyalNotness · 13/08/2023 20:06

Of course it’s too late. What time would you be to bed if you ate that late? I’m normally close to tucked up by then

Original poster
Lemonaade · 13/08/2023 20:07

TeaKitten · 13/08/2023 20:02

YANBU. What does he say when you say it’s too late and ask him to do it earlier?

I normally go to bed around 10-11 as I’m shattered.

he just gets grumpy

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 13/08/2023 20:08

It is too late. But I have some sympathy because I hate to eat early and also often don’t get my arse in gear now the DC are old enough to eat later too. DH would prefer to eat earlier but doesn’t often cook sooo…

bellac11 · 13/08/2023 20:09

It depends what time you go to bed surely

10 isnt late if you go to bed around 12 or 1 but it is late if you go to bed at 10 or 11

What was the plan earlier, was it planned that dinner would be at 10?

Crunchymum · 13/08/2023 20:09

Is he cooking so late on purpose so you cook earlier instead of him? Is he trying to get out of this chore?

Sexnotgender · 13/08/2023 20:10

That’s ridiculous. 10pm😂 I’d be sleeping.

bellac11 · 13/08/2023 20:10

Lemonaade · 13/08/2023 20:07

I normally go to bed around 10-11 as I’m shattered.

he just gets grumpy

Show quote history

Well you cant eat at 10 and go to bed at 10, I would do myself a toasted sandwich now and then go to bed.

Yellowlegobrick · 13/08/2023 20:11

My DH has form for this. I've been blunt with him over the years. Its bad for you, its usually driven by laziness & procrastination.

Freepo · 13/08/2023 20:11

It’s personal preference I suppose but to me it’s far too late. DH and I often eat separately as he likes to eat at 10ish and I like to eat at 8ish. I can’t wait till 10, I just eat total crap and am stuffed before the 10pm dinner is ready

Catusrusty · 13/08/2023 20:12

Crunchymum · 13/08/2023 20:09

Is he cooking so late on purpose so you cook earlier instead of him? Is he trying to get out of this chore?

I think crunchymum is probably correct.

He knows this is too late for you, as he knows what time you go to bed.

Why are you doing everything with the kids? Is he doing his share of the physical and mental load?

Rumplestrumpet · 13/08/2023 20:14

Is there a good reason why he wasn't cooking while you were putting kids to bed? In my mind that's the deal - you put kids to bed, I'll get dinner on.

What time do you eat when you cook? And does he complain that's too early?

Sounds like he's been sitting on his arse. I would be cross

OMGitsnotgood · 13/08/2023 20:15

Way too late. We usually eat at 7:30 and most of my friends think that is late. If we're eating out, latest we'll book a table is 8:30, 8:45 at a push

WunWun · 13/08/2023 20:16

I'm normally starving by 5pm, so that would be way too late for me!

TheGoodEnoughWife · 13/08/2023 20:18

Way too late. Also why have you done everything with the children today? Is he performance cooking? Not being involved in the day to day grudge as He Is Cooking dinner?

I would be very grumpy waiting till 10pm!

Starseeking · 13/08/2023 20:18

Of course 10pm is too late, especially when you usually go to bed around that time.

It sounds like he's dragging it out for as long as he can, hoping you'll get too hungry and do it yourself, only earlier next time #strategicincompetence

I'd be interested in what excuse he gives for leaving it until that time. Anything other than he gets home from work at 8pm, he's having you on.

AvengedQuince · 13/08/2023 20:18

I go to bed at 10 or 10:30 and eat sometime between 6 and 7:30. I'd want to finish dinner a minimum of two hours before bed or it would disturb my sleep.

Toomanypots · 13/08/2023 20:19

10 is crazy late (for most in the uk at least). Did he grow up eating that late?

6-7 is norm for me.

ShadowPuppets · 13/08/2023 20:20

Everyone’s different.

MIL eats 5pm and is in bed by 8.
We eat at 7.45/8 and are in bed by 10/10.30.
My parents eat at 9.30/10 and go to bed at 12.30/1.

When we stay at MIL’s we feel very rock and roll, when we’re at my parents we don’t!
The issue is far more the fact that he knows you don’t like this but he’s doing it anyway.

Clefable · 13/08/2023 20:20

We all eat together with the kids for partly this reason. The post-bed relaxing time just ends up being largely taken up with cooking and cleaning otherwise and I would rather get that out of the way earlier. But why can't he start it earlier? If you do bedtime what is he doing?

RocketIceLollie · 13/08/2023 20:20

If you have work the following morning then yeah 10pm is certainly too late for dinner. Not great to sleep on a full stomach like that.

Curiosity101 · 13/08/2023 20:21

We tend to eat between 5.30-6pm and bed time is around 10 😅. Eating dinner at 10pm seems crazy to me, but then we have to be up at 6.30am 🤷

Lkahsvtv · 13/08/2023 20:21

DP and I had this issue; it’s way too late for me so I said I’d be making my own dinner if this was going to be how it is and he does now do it for 7.30/8. It makes me too hungry to wait until then and feel unwell to then go to bed not long after

Twuntina · 13/08/2023 20:23

My dh likes doing this too. The weirdo! He will go out to the shops about 8 and come back and eat dinner after. I just leave him to it. If he cooks something for me, I'll just keep it and eat it the next day at a normal time.

I'd eat and go to bed. I hate eating late as it makes my stomach churn in bed 🤢

SamAndEIIa · 13/08/2023 20:25

Seems okay for me.

My kids eat at 7-730ish, so if we are eating after them, then 10 seems reasonable. It depends if we are eating with them or not.

During holidays the eldest sometimes will have breakfast at 9/10, lunch at 2-3, and dinner with us at 9/10.

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