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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents demanding to see grandchildren

32 replies

Pandermonium · 07/07/2023 15:48

Posting here for traffic.

I've posted previously regarding cutting contact with my parents due to my mothers behaviour.
They have been coming to our house most days, banging on doors, demanding to see my children. Trying to enter. To the point I've had to keep my doors locked and curtains shut to hide from them.
My children do not wish to see or speak to them, which I support. But I also support them if they want to see them.
Today my parents have banged the door and refused to leave until they saw the children. They have threatened to call SS on me.
Even though my children are well cared for and loved.
I spoke to them through the window trying to explain, but was met with abuse.

They are saying they will take us to court to force the children to see them.
Will the court force them?
Aibu: make your children see them
ANbu: they will not have to see them.

OP posts:
ThePM · 07/07/2023 15:49

That’s nuts.

can you move?

Smartiepants79 · 07/07/2023 15:50

Grandparents have no legal rights to see grandchildren. Legal action will get them nowhere,

Caravanvirgin · 07/07/2023 15:50

I would be contacting the police about there harassment.

Caravanvirgin · 07/07/2023 15:51

Technically any adult can go to court. The legal right is always the child’s to right to maintain the relationship not the adults. BUT they would need to show that they already had a substantial relationship already. How old are the children?

35965a · 07/07/2023 15:51

Report them to the police. That way even if they try to go to court for contact (they won’t get far but they could try) there’s a record of their harassment and abuse

amylou8 · 07/07/2023 15:52

If my estranged parents (or anyone) were shouting outside my house, banging on doors and trying to gain entry and wouldn't leave I'd be calling the police.

kweeble · 07/07/2023 15:52

You should report them to the police for harassment

itsmylife7 · 07/07/2023 15:52

Why on earth are you putting up with their behaviour, unless you're scared of them?
Let them report you to ss and attempt to take your to court. I'm sure ss won't be interested in their malicious calls.
Unless, there is a very genuine reason for them to be concerned?

amylou8 · 07/07/2023 15:52

Also get some cctv

Tannedandfake · 07/07/2023 15:55

Caravanvirgin · 07/07/2023 15:50

I would be contacting the police about there harassment.

Agreed! I would have rung the police when they refused to leave

drpet49 · 07/07/2023 15:55

35965a · 07/07/2023 15:51

Report them to the police. That way even if they try to go to court for contact (they won’t get far but they could try) there’s a record of their harassment and abuse

This. Why are you so passive about it all OP?

EL8888 · 07/07/2023 15:56

drpet49 · 07/07/2023 15:55

This. Why are you so passive about it all OP?

Show quote history

Because lm guessing they have had a lifetime of their parents riding other their wants and needs

EL8888 · 07/07/2023 15:56

Sorry “riding over their wants and needs”

Luxell934 · 07/07/2023 15:57

Without knowing what's actually going on it's hard to say.
Do your parents have any reason to believe the children are in danger?

Cherrysoup · 07/07/2023 15:58

Have you contacted the police?

Nanny0gg · 07/07/2023 15:58

Pandermonium · 07/07/2023 15:48

Posting here for traffic.

I've posted previously regarding cutting contact with my parents due to my mothers behaviour.
They have been coming to our house most days, banging on doors, demanding to see my children. Trying to enter. To the point I've had to keep my doors locked and curtains shut to hide from them.
My children do not wish to see or speak to them, which I support. But I also support them if they want to see them.
Today my parents have banged the door and refused to leave until they saw the children. They have threatened to call SS on me.
Even though my children are well cared for and loved.
I spoke to them through the window trying to explain, but was met with abuse.

They are saying they will take us to court to force the children to see them.
Will the court force them?
Aibu: make your children see them
ANbu: they will not have to see them.

How old are your children, how much contact have they had in the past, and why haven't you phoned the police? They're nuts.

Original poster
Pandermonium · 07/07/2023 17:22

I should have contacted the police straight away. I am terrified of them, I've had a lifetime of emotional abuse from my mother (with physically thrown in as a child but not to the extremes of some).
My father is not abusive but he is abused by my mother.
They usually saw my children every other week to once a month.
Children are 12, 11 and 8.
No reason at all to have any concerns for their safety, this is complete spite.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pandermonium · 07/07/2023 17:23

Just contacting the police now.

OP posts:
calmcoco · 07/07/2023 17:29

Good luck. Keep a diary and accurate record of their behaviour. Get a camera to record future incidences.

They are completely over the line of acceptable behaviour.

Social Services do not intervene on behalf of grandparents without serious evidence of wrongdoing. (Another thread but sometimes SS don't listen to GPs when they do have evidence Angry )

turkeyisoverrated · 07/07/2023 17:30

I'm so sorry this sounds so stressful and you're doing your best to keep yourself and your kids safe from abuse.
There's an episode of a podcast I like that talks about this, hosted by two therapists that work with children of narcissists and victims of emotional abuse. It's called in sight - exposing narcissism.

They have really good advice about calling the police and standing firm in your boundaries because ultimately you're protecting your children, sending love FlowersFlowers

ManateeFair · 07/07/2023 17:32

They have no legal right to see their grandchildren and a solicitor will tell them this. They sound thick as well as unpleasant.

If they are coming round and harassing you, and threatening you with false reports to social services, you'd be well within your rights to talk to the police. The fact that they are your parents is neither here nor there; they have no more right to harass and threaten you than a stranger would.

PeachesOnTheBeaches · 07/07/2023 17:34

Why would you “try and explain” through the window? Just call the bloody police for threatening behaviour and harassment!

ManateeFair · 07/07/2023 17:35

Why are you so passive about it all OP?

I would imagine because it's not easy to simply undo the impact of decades of emotional and physical abuse and gaslighting meted out by one's primary caregiver since birth?

Stillcantbebothered · 07/07/2023 17:57

ThePM · 07/07/2023 15:49

That’s nuts.

can you move?

And doesn’t need to move, call the police next time and if she has to get a restraining order on them.

Original poster
Pandermonium · 07/07/2023 18:01

ManateeFair · 07/07/2023 17:35

Why are you so passive about it all OP?

I would imagine because it's not easy to simply undo the impact of decades of emotional and physical abuse and gaslighting meted out by one's primary caregiver since birth?

Exactly this. Thank you so much for putting it into words for me.

OP posts: