Feeling upset that neighbour cut down all my roses in the garden while on holiday

[FlowerScarlet]

We were away on holiday for 10 days and had asked our neighbour to water the plants in the green house whilst we were away. Turns out she did a lot more than what we had asked for - the entire garden was completely weeded, plants and shrubs shaped and manicured, we were shocked and genuinely grateful, she did not have to do any of this, we didn’t even ask to water the garden as we thought some rain here and there would be enough. Everything seemed perfect except she cut down ALL our roses!!!!

I have been feeling quite upset what she has done without our consent. We have 5 different roses shrubs/climbers in different areas of the garden, she has cut most of them to none. Before we left they were all in full bloom, very leafy, big shrubs with abundant flowers taking up a lot of space. Yes they did look a bit wild and overgrown, but we always went for the wild cottage garden look instead of the perfectly manicured look, and June / July is the time roses really grow and flourish. And although I’m not an expert at rose gardening, I’ve always done my hard pruning in winter/early spring, and they were all this year’s growth. She did not just cut back on the dead flowers, she literally cut majority of the canes back to the ground with no roses and leaves left except a few leggy canes! I really don’t know why she had to do this and even though it’s been a few days I still cannot get over it every time I see the bare garden with great view of the perfectly weeded soil from the kitchen window… From the short conversation we had after we came back it sounded like she thinks she has done us a favour, I think she thought we don’t do any maintaining and looked overgrown, but first of all every pruning articles and tips I read states that summer is not the time to do major hard pruning of roses, and secondly I just feel so upset that she thought it was OK to just do this without me knowing. I did take care of my roses and they are mine… When we came back she did ask if she could take the rose cuttings to plant in her garden and she did take a bunch of them home, which now got me thinking did she cut them all down so she could plant in her garden???? She’s a lovely neighbour and we like her a lot but this has got me feeling bitter. Aibu for feeling this way?? Should I speak to her and tell her how I truly feel? Or would that just make her feel bad? Should I just bottle this feeling and move on and look forward to enjoying the roses next year?(hope she didn’t ruin them…)

I don’t think I could ever be polite to her again!

@SicParvisMagna and how were the roses this year? did they come back?
Yes I'm thinking of asking/saying something like what you have said above.

They grew back absolutely fine! I deadheaded them yesterday otherwise I would have taken a pic. It's in my front garden which is north west facing so it gets the sun in the afternoon so it doesn't bush out, but is quite straight, its stems are long and a bit leggy but it puts out loads of flowers. Usually droops with the weight of them in honesty. It seems perfectly happy. I don't think I've ever fed it and certainly never mulched it but we have extremely heavy almost pure clay soil which roses love so it seems to do well on its own in honesty! I'm sure this time next year it will have shot back up. They're an amazingly resistant plant and you never know, it could grow like a bugger now and be better than ever! Fingers crossed :)

I've just caught up with the thread and have seen your photos - BLOODY HELL!!!! what the hell was she playing at.

I don't know what I was expecting, but that is shocking. I'm not sure I could ever speak to her again. She's butchered them.

Does she secretly hate you do you think?

Seriously, give yourself a shake! You are totally right to feel angry and upset!

What she did was totally indefensible and frankly spiteful. Totally the wrong time to prune roses, destorying a fabulous display of summer roses while you were on holiday?
I'd have been fucking incandescent with rage, tbh.

Seriously, you do need to say something, and set boundaries, or this person WILL further trample over your boundaries, next time.

Wtf was she thinking? Raizing your roses like that? 🤬

Tell her, and NEVER let her back in your garden again.

Definitely say that. I leave a bit of my back garden wild. There were Thistles just coming into bloom. Two old fellas who cut the grass etc took it upon themselves to snap one off. I've told them to not set foot in my gardens again. They know I plant with wildlife in mind. One year they took it upon themselves to cut back Ivy that had birds nests in. They pestered me from March to cut my grass. This will fester and you don't know if something will happen again, so you've got to tell her.

I would be absolutely FUMING! we have the ashes of a relative buried under a specific rose bush in our garden. Not many people know this, our neighbour definitely doesn’t, and I would be so upset if someone hacked away at it without my permission.

I would tell her “if I wanted gardening doing I would have hired a gardener!”

Oh god OP - i would also be gutted having seen your pics

I am no gardener but I do enjoy it and take pride in what I look out on in my garden. if someone cut my forest back id be furious!

Wow this thread is quite shocking.
I would be so angry if a neighbour did this to mu garden I dont think I could contain myself.
Am sorry OP.
But I hope you do challenge her as it was outrageous on her part and just wrong.

@FlowerScarlet just caught up and saw your photos. How are you not absolutely raging!

How dare she do that!

Pop in to see her - you will find your roses in her living room!

My god she is crazy. Definitely get her told it she'll do it again next year

I know nothing about roses, but I do feel for you.

Our garden backs on to allotments and few years ago a new allotment holder not only cleared his own plot but also the public footpath that bordered it. This included chopping down our hedge at the bottom of the garden.

I came home from work to find a good proportion of our hedge reduced to foot-high stumps and our private garden no longer secure. The whole sorry saga is on MN somewhere.

7 or 8 years on, I still feel cross he did such a thing but the hedge did grow back. And he's still there on his allotment!

OP pour weed killer on her garden in the middle of the night. It’s the only thing that’s going to make you feel better

Yes, it does look a little sad and bare. I loved the cottage garden look in the before photos.
I'd mention it to her (NRAT) if you haven't already.
Yes, the roses will come back next year but I understand your feelings.
BTW, it's a lovely garden and I'm envious of your greenhouse. I have just a small gravelled 'courtyard'.

Were the roses showing signs of disease? If so cutting them back will do them no harm. Otherwise ouch! Plenty of manure dug in around them will help them on their way again.

Definitely odd she must of been jealous of your roses and had other plans

If you would ever consider asking her again to water the plants I would specifically mention to please not touch the roses. Do not even look at the roses!

You said she’s a nice neighbour, let it go.

I fully understand why you are so cross but disagree with most people who say you should challenge her. She lives next door, she might live next door for 20 years - is it worth the hassle?

You do need to say something. She should have realised, for herself, that some people like things a bit "wild" in their garden. I do know that there are some people that basically like their gardens "crewcut" (as I call them) and they will hack anything/everything to within an inch of its life. I've got a lot like it for neighbours here. Whereas some people like my garden a bit "wild" (deliberately so on my part) and others probably don't. There are two very different styles of gardening imo. You're going to have to mention it and point out to her that there are these two very different styles and you are the "other one" of the two. If you don't say something - then you might find she's been "helpful" with the weedkiller the next thing you know and some of your plants are looking very sorry for themselves or dead and you've got to throw away any food you're growing in your garden. Just put it that your personal taste is "to let Mother Nature have her head a bit and deliberately more natural" and "btw - OF COURSE I wouldnt dream of using any weedkiller ever - my garden is chemical-free" (assuming it is). So put it tactfully - whilst being aware there are some people who want to make things very obviously "gardened etc" as a way of marking territory for themselves (just in case you're in one of those areas of the country where many people think it's okay to grab for any part of someone else's land they'd like to have - as I am and so I do see people being "crewcut managing" on land they've got their eye on, as well as their own land) and then one has to think of ways to make it plain the land concerned isn't theirs.

Vandalism! I don't garden but even I know it's not the right time of year to prune roses. Maybe give her some advice for the cuttings she took from you then subtly say what she did on your garden was overstepping what you asked her to do and never let her near your garden again.

I would have to say something. I'd be beyond angry but I'd probably try to be reasonable about it - but would still ask her why on earth she thought it was OK to cut down my wonderful roses in the middle of summer! I feel appalled on your behalf. I'd be in tears. (And anxiety or whatever is no excuse.) I've still never quite got over the time a 'helpful' friend chopped back my pieris at entirely the wrong time of year.

You absolutely have to say something or she might do it again ! She has absolutely butchered them, I'm so sad for you. I would want to know why she didn't just water the greenhouse as asked but particularly why she's destroyed your roses, and don't let her back in

I have read a few replies and so far am simply AMAZED at how calm and accepting they all seem to be with the general idea that there could be ANY rational motive for your neighbour VANDALISING your garden while you were absent and WITHOUT your assent?!!! 🤔🙄Years ago we had a similar incident where we used to live in a Victorian terrace of houses with front gardens and a shared low dividing wrought iron fence with VERY mature beautiful and diverse shrubbery...you can probably guess where this is going?! We used to go away a lot with our work and neighbour told us before we were going on one of these trips that he wanted to prune the shrubbery back a bit on his side which we side was fine but to please leave our side as we were happy with it...My brother lived with us and we asked him to keep an eye on things but at one point he had to go our and when he came back he nearly passed out with shock at neighbour's idea of 'pruning'!! Every shrub had been completely chopped practically down to the ground leaving almost bare soil on both sides of the fence!!! 😱We knew about this before we came home obviously but it was still an unbelievable sad and shocking sight and if my husband hadn't held me back I think neighbour would have had to pay a visit to the hospital as I was distraught and BEYOND furious...Those shrubs had been lovingly planted by the previous owner of the house years and years ago and he had callously and casually destroyed them in minutes, I'm not even sure if he understood why I was sooo upset and with typical male attitude said i was being hysterical, they were only 'plants' and that they would grow again...yes in about 50 YEARS OR SO!!! At least your lovely Roses will grow back quicker but that's NOT the point and you need to make it clear to your 'lovely'(?) neighbour how VERY wrong she was to do what she did, you won't get closure until you do!!! 😳😥