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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling upset that neighbour cut down all my roses in the garden while on holiday

271 replies

FlowerScarlet · 01/07/2023 23:10

We were away on holiday for 10 days and had asked our neighbour to water the plants in the green house whilst we were away. Turns out she did a lot more than what we had asked for - the entire garden was completely weeded, plants and shrubs shaped and manicured, we were shocked and genuinely grateful, she did not have to do any of this, we didn’t even ask to water the garden as we thought some rain here and there would be enough. Everything seemed perfect except she cut down ALL our roses!!!!

I have been feeling quite upset what she has done without our consent. We have 5 different roses shrubs/climbers in different areas of the garden, she has cut most of them to none. Before we left they were all in full bloom, very leafy, big shrubs with abundant flowers taking up a lot of space. Yes they did look a bit wild and overgrown, but we always went for the wild cottage garden look instead of the perfectly manicured look, and June / July is the time roses really grow and flourish. And although I’m not an expert at rose gardening, I’ve always done my hard pruning in winter/early spring, and they were all this year’s growth. She did not just cut back on the dead flowers, she literally cut majority of the canes back to the ground with no roses and leaves left except a few leggy canes! I really don’t know why she had to do this and even though it’s been a few days I still cannot get over it every time I see the bare garden with great view of the perfectly weeded soil from the kitchen window… From the short conversation we had after we came back it sounded like she thinks she has done us a favour, I think she thought we don’t do any maintaining and looked overgrown, but first of all every pruning articles and tips I read states that summer is not the time to do major hard pruning of roses, and secondly I just feel so upset that she thought it was OK to just do this without me knowing. I did take care of my roses and they are mine… When we came back she did ask if she could take the rose cuttings to plant in her garden and she did take a bunch of them home, which now got me thinking did she cut them all down so she could plant in her garden???? She’s a lovely neighbour and we like her a lot but this has got me feeling bitter. Aibu for feeling this way?? Should I speak to her and tell her how I truly feel? Or would that just make her feel bad? Should I just bottle this feeling and move on and look forward to enjoying the roses next year?(hope she didn’t ruin them…)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
wildfirewonder · 03/07/2023 18:59

She's a bloody monster IMO. Do not ever let her in your garden again.

I can't understand why you bought her a present, she fucking ruined your beautiful garden.

cakewench · 03/07/2023 18:59

You can still say something. The delay can be blamed on the fact that you were shocked and upset by the state of your garden when you got home.

You don't need to be aggressive about it (she's a neighbour, and I know how precious it is to have someone you like and trust nearby). I'd just need to say something along the lines of "You know I appreciate you coming to water my garden when I'm away. However I have to admit I am still in shock over all of my rose bushes being cut right back to the canes. This is the time of year I should be able to enjoy them, so seeing them like this now really is disappointing. Thank you again for the watering, I hope you're making use of the lovely cuttings" or something along these lines, I don't know...

rachellovesdouglas · 03/07/2023 19:11

Depends what type of roses, if they are climbers they should be fine and you might get a second bloom late summer. Bloody annoying though. I asked my ‘then’ gardener to dog up a beautiful bay tree to move it, gave massive instructions on root balls etc and he basically just pulled it out the ground. I have tried everything to save this tree, it makes me mad with rage every time i look at this dead bay tree. A new one of that size in our local garden centre was £750 …. So I understand your anger. Unfortunately you cant fire your neighbour. Maybe a chat saying you love what she has done with your garden, but was there a reason why she trimmed the roses so hard. Play the dumb gardener routine.

GrumpyPanda · 03/07/2023 19:22

Cariadm · 03/07/2023 18:39

I have read a few replies and so far am simply AMAZED at how calm and accepting they all seem to be with the general idea that there could be ANY rational motive for your neighbour VANDALISING your garden while you were absent and WITHOUT your assent?!!! 🤔🙄Years ago we had a similar incident where we used to live in a Victorian terrace of houses with front gardens and a shared low dividing wrought iron fence with VERY mature beautiful and diverse shrubbery...you can probably guess where this is going?! We used to go away a lot with our work and neighbour told us before we were going on one of these trips that he wanted to prune the shrubbery back a bit on his side which we side was fine but to please leave our side as we were happy with it...My brother lived with us and we asked him to keep an eye on things but at one point he had to go our and when he came back he nearly passed out with shock at neighbour's idea of 'pruning'!! Every shrub had been completely chopped practically down to the ground leaving almost bare soil on both sides of the fence!!! 😱We knew about this before we came home obviously but it was still an unbelievable sad and shocking sight and if my husband hadn't held me back I think neighbour would have had to pay a visit to the hospital as I was distraught and BEYOND furious...Those shrubs had been lovingly planted by the previous owner of the house years and years ago and he had callously and casually destroyed them in minutes, I'm not even sure if he understood why I was sooo upset and with typical male attitude said i was being hysterical, they were only 'plants' and that they would grow again...yes in about 50 YEARS OR SO!!! At least your lovely Roses will grow back quicker but that's NOT the point and you need to make it clear to your 'lovely'(?) neighbour how VERY wrong she was to do what she did, you won't get closure until you do!!! 😳😥

That sounds awful! Hope you made the neighbour from hell pony up for fully mature replacements.

Prestat · 03/07/2023 19:39

@Furries, your roses are beautiful!

Prestat · 03/07/2023 19:41

Your neighbour OP was way out of line, v sorry.

Schlomp · 03/07/2023 19:41

Id be furious too, I couldnt ever ask her for anything that would give her unsupervised access to the house/garden again. For 10 days away, slow release water systems would be the best bet

Also, please dont pour weed killer on her garden as a pp suggested, Im sure you know already as you like the wild look, but its so damaging to wildlife tjats it not worth it - even against this deadly rose hacker

Overnightoats1 · 03/07/2023 19:47

I'd be so sad!! Now is the time to enjoy your beautiful roses!!! We do a hard prune in the late autumn and it's sad looking at them then let alone now while they are meant to be in full bloom! Feel for you OP. Mine bring me so much joy!

HidingUnderARock · 03/07/2023 19:49

I just saw this in online news, so I think she's going to know soon enough.
Personally I'd be devastated.

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 03/07/2023 19:51

Neighbour or not I would have gone ballistic with her, then having the cheek to ask for cuttings to boot.
Criminal damage and I would want my roses replaced on principal. Don't cry about it neighbour, I don't give a shit how you feel.

LobeliaSackville · 03/07/2023 20:00

Is she mentally well? How could she possibly think leaving a single twig with one rose on the end is an improvement?

This is outrageous. She should pay for some annuals to fill the bare spaces until the roses grow back.

She's either crazy or malicious.

IamnotHWhittier · 03/07/2023 20:04

She has completely overstepped the mark.
Tbh I’d be upset if she shaped, manicured and weeded as I like weeds, they are great for insects and I can’t stand a manicured to death garden.
However.
Whats done is done
You day she’s a nice neighbour
So I wouldn’t say anything
Just don’t ask her to water or do anything at your property when you go on holiday again.

Quercus30 · 03/07/2023 20:06

I really feel your pain. I think I would cry if someone did this to my garden. Sending a hug.

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 03/07/2023 20:07

The problem is what else is she going to try to be 'helpful' with?

WickedSerious · 03/07/2023 20:07

There'd be no need for me to knock on her door to express my displeasure,half the street would've heard me screaming 'What the fuck has happened to my garden'? as soon as I laid eyes on the mess she'd made.

ButterCrackers · 03/07/2023 20:08

Tell you that she was wrong to vandalise your garden. She agreed to water your garden not to destroy it. Tell her that you will be ignoring her from now on. The cost of the replacement plants and any action necessary by a professional gardener to help your garden recover will be sent to her. If she doesn’t pay you will take her to court.

WickedSerious · 03/07/2023 20:11

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 02/07/2023 10:25

God, no offense meant but he sounds thoughtless and obtuse. He should be banned by your mother from any gardening.

Show quote history

I'd be showing him a few party tricks with the secateurs.

DrSbaitso · 03/07/2023 20:15

FlowerScarlet · 02/07/2023 09:44

Decided to share some photos. I think what's bothering me the most is how she decided to cut back most of the canes, they were so healthy, some very strong newer shoots, and just left 1 leggy ones per shrub, making it look so ugly and sad! I think I would've been OK if she had pruned a little bit to "maintain" the look by sizing down but keeping more of a shape. To me, what she has done looks extremely ugly.
Every time I look at it I just can't help but to think 'wtf did she do' and these repeat flowered all summer, but can't enjoy that this year...

That's fucking vandalism. What was she thinking? I'd be devastated.

ButterCrackers · 03/07/2023 20:20

It looks like she had help because there must have been a lot of branches etc to remove. Where did they go? The soil looks dug over. Did she ask someone else to do this? It’s a lot of work for one person.

Caradonna · 03/07/2023 20:39

ButterCrackers · 03/07/2023 20:20

It looks like she had help because there must have been a lot of branches etc to remove. Where did they go? The soil looks dug over. Did she ask someone else to do this? It’s a lot of work for one person.

Good point, dealing with the cuttings is always the hardest part of pruning.
I see that News article says 'Do you have a story to share' - does this mean someone's got paid for passing on a MN thread to the paper?

Leastsaidsoonestscrewed · 03/07/2023 20:45

2catsandhappy · 01/07/2023 23:49

Monty Don was talking about the 3 different types of roses and the different pruning on Friday's Gardeners World. Maybe watch this first and then speak to her. Perhaps she was confusing her rose types.

No, because you don't hard prune any type of rose in the summe. Hard prune types can be done in very early spring but not now.

Grrrrdarling · 03/07/2023 20:58

FlowerScarlet · 01/07/2023 23:10

We were away on holiday for 10 days and had asked our neighbour to water the plants in the green house whilst we were away. Turns out she did a lot more than what we had asked for - the entire garden was completely weeded, plants and shrubs shaped and manicured, we were shocked and genuinely grateful, she did not have to do any of this, we didn’t even ask to water the garden as we thought some rain here and there would be enough. Everything seemed perfect except she cut down ALL our roses!!!!

I have been feeling quite upset what she has done without our consent. We have 5 different roses shrubs/climbers in different areas of the garden, she has cut most of them to none. Before we left they were all in full bloom, very leafy, big shrubs with abundant flowers taking up a lot of space. Yes they did look a bit wild and overgrown, but we always went for the wild cottage garden look instead of the perfectly manicured look, and June / July is the time roses really grow and flourish. And although I’m not an expert at rose gardening, I’ve always done my hard pruning in winter/early spring, and they were all this year’s growth. She did not just cut back on the dead flowers, she literally cut majority of the canes back to the ground with no roses and leaves left except a few leggy canes! I really don’t know why she had to do this and even though it’s been a few days I still cannot get over it every time I see the bare garden with great view of the perfectly weeded soil from the kitchen window… From the short conversation we had after we came back it sounded like she thinks she has done us a favour, I think she thought we don’t do any maintaining and looked overgrown, but first of all every pruning articles and tips I read states that summer is not the time to do major hard pruning of roses, and secondly I just feel so upset that she thought it was OK to just do this without me knowing. I did take care of my roses and they are mine… When we came back she did ask if she could take the rose cuttings to plant in her garden and she did take a bunch of them home, which now got me thinking did she cut them all down so she could plant in her garden???? She’s a lovely neighbour and we like her a lot but this has got me feeling bitter. Aibu for feeling this way?? Should I speak to her and tell her how I truly feel? Or would that just make her feel bad? Should I just bottle this feeling and move on and look forward to enjoying the roses next year?(hope she didn’t ruin them…)

Talk to your neighbour.
If you knew them enough to ask them to watch things while you were away then you should be able to tell them about the big boo-boo the committed.
Better to find out than torture yourself wondering.
It does sound like she has thought you needed help maintaining the garden but a good gardener would know that roses aren’t due for pruning for a few months yet!

Mylifeislikeaboatrace · 03/07/2023 21:08

Journos will just lift the thread regadless Cara

DrSbaitso · 03/07/2023 21:09

Caradonna · 03/07/2023 20:39

Good point, dealing with the cuttings is always the hardest part of pruning.
I see that News article says 'Do you have a story to share' - does this mean someone's got paid for passing on a MN thread to the paper?

Show quote history

No. MN threads are public domain and it's well known that the press lifts stuff from here.

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