Feeling upset that neighbour cut down all my roses in the garden while on holiday

[FlowerScarlet]

We were away on holiday for 10 days and had asked our neighbour to water the plants in the green house whilst we were away. Turns out she did a lot more than what we had asked for - the entire garden was completely weeded, plants and shrubs shaped and manicured, we were shocked and genuinely grateful, she did not have to do any of this, we didn’t even ask to water the garden as we thought some rain here and there would be enough. Everything seemed perfect except she cut down ALL our roses!!!!

I have been feeling quite upset what she has done without our consent. We have 5 different roses shrubs/climbers in different areas of the garden, she has cut most of them to none. Before we left they were all in full bloom, very leafy, big shrubs with abundant flowers taking up a lot of space. Yes they did look a bit wild and overgrown, but we always went for the wild cottage garden look instead of the perfectly manicured look, and June / July is the time roses really grow and flourish. And although I’m not an expert at rose gardening, I’ve always done my hard pruning in winter/early spring, and they were all this year’s growth. She did not just cut back on the dead flowers, she literally cut majority of the canes back to the ground with no roses and leaves left except a few leggy canes! I really don’t know why she had to do this and even though it’s been a few days I still cannot get over it every time I see the bare garden with great view of the perfectly weeded soil from the kitchen window… From the short conversation we had after we came back it sounded like she thinks she has done us a favour, I think she thought we don’t do any maintaining and looked overgrown, but first of all every pruning articles and tips I read states that summer is not the time to do major hard pruning of roses, and secondly I just feel so upset that she thought it was OK to just do this without me knowing. I did take care of my roses and they are mine… When we came back she did ask if she could take the rose cuttings to plant in her garden and she did take a bunch of them home, which now got me thinking did she cut them all down so she could plant in her garden???? She’s a lovely neighbour and we like her a lot but this has got me feeling bitter. Aibu for feeling this way?? Should I speak to her and tell her how I truly feel? Or would that just make her feel bad? Should I just bottle this feeling and move on and look forward to enjoying the roses next year?(hope she didn’t ruin them…)

I thought maybe she had cut back the roses hanging over the path. But to cut it all back that much is not on. Either she knows nothing about gardening or did it out of spite.

The photos have shocked me! I would be so horrified and would definitely need to convey it to her.

I like the suggested response from a pp that various people have quoted

Now that you have shared photos I understand why you’re upset…

Initially thought that this was a nice neighbour doing something she thought would be kind.

What she has done is a best idiotic (pruning roses to such an extent at this time of year/getting rid of such beautiful roses in bloom etc as others have said) and at worst, spiteful. I’d be inclined to think she is actually envious of your beautiful garden or wanted some flowers for herself (? As payment for doing you a favour)

I would probably say thanks for watering the plants but please can you clarify what happened to the roses and show the photos. Say you were too shocked initially to say anything but having had some time to process youve realised they are pretty wrecked and will be for some time. Say you thought about not saying something as don’t want to cause bad feeling but you have been feeling pretty sad about it…

I’d definitely say something though! She needs to understand how much it has upset you even if it is unintentional.

You'd be a doormat then.

I'd be absolutely furious and would let her know. I'd also be asking for her to replace what she ruined!

I understand your rage!
Had a gardener do this once. Not the gardener himself but his underling (who was either v dim or on weed). Mowed straight over a rose and a peony flower that was just about to bloom .
I should have said something before as it wasn't the first plant to be mowed down, but the previous plants hadn't been a showy.

The gardener was apologetic and replaced it. But it gave me the rage way out of proportion to the actual event.

I'd genuinely cry. She's absolutely trashed them.

You must say something to her.

I had a gardener strim down a 2 year old syringa I had been nurturing.

That was his last day.

OP, I've only read a couple of pages but I really feel for you. I just don't think I could come back from this in terms of my relationship with the neighbour. I know that reasonable neighbours are like gold dust, so I'm not suggesting you have a bust-up - it's always best to play the long game and keep things civil, but I'd be absolutely seething and would have to relegate them to a very detached and business-only category of my life.

I too love a rambling cottage garden and, from having just a scrappy oblong of grass 20 years ago I've created a green space with all kinds of climbing and perennial plants - it's a fantastic little oasis of calm, buzzing with insects and birds. I know some of my friends don't get it and like the manicured look, but I would be traumatised if someone did that to it.

How can anyone imagine they have the right to perform such vandalism? The roses will grow back, so cheer up, but yes - incredibly cheeky, overbearing and insensitive of your idiot neighbour.

I'd need to know why.
Is she a gardener herself ?

Op, did you see in her house when you went over? Any sign of a beautiful display of roses?

“I wasn’t going to say anything, because I was grateful that you watered some plants, but I’ve been so worried that if I don’t tell you how I feel you might try to do my gardening again. I’m so sad looking at the garden with so much cut back and pulled out. I like my garden to full of plants and not too pruned back. Please don’t try to help by cutting my plants again.”

I’m stunned by the photos, you must ask her for an explanation as it’s vandalism. Surely she realises you have noticed.
Short of accepting that she has an illness, I would never communicate with her again.

She needs to know that what she did was neither helpful or wanted.
She obviously isn’t a gardener.

Bloody hell. You need to tell her straight that what she did is appalling. Say you had been too shocked and confused to mention it at the outset, but that you cannot let this go, in case she thinks she did you a favour or if she thinks she can do this to your garden again. You can say you have no intention of falling out with her, but she needs to understand that she has done something completely unacceptable, and to never do it again.

Good lord! How can she think that was acceptable?

What the heck has she done to the hedge?

She's also taken down the green house!

Ignore that I can see it now

Looks like she's taken gardening tips from my DH who is now only allowed to mow the lawn except under strict supervision. His "pruning" has taken us close to divorce in the past.

Well spotted - based on this, the thread must be a wind up, with OP using before and after shots taken at different times of the year.

@Inkpotlover it's clearly just taken from a different angle

I did wonder that at first but then took a closer look. To the right where the tree is you can see the stepping stones in the grass and it's on both photos. There's a branch cut off the tree that's visible in both too so I think the fact that the photos are taken from a different angle is irrelevant.

The hedge was by the side of the tree in the first photo and what's left of some sort of greenery is visible by the side of the tree in the second photo.

You can see through to the greenhouse in both photos too if the photograph is expanded.

Bloody hell she's butchered them 😥 If I was you I would cut them all down to the base. Having that straggly growth just looks odd. At least if you cut all the stakes back they should grow evenly. She clearly has no idea of how to prune roses. Hard prune over winter/early spring deadhead in summer but you know that. I have that peachy rose in my front garden, which always flowers repeatedly and vigorously. Last year I cut it right down hard to the base as there was a lot of old dead wood and I prayed it would come back. I've never cut anything back so hard, so it was scary lol.
I would definitely have to say something to her next time you see her

"Jan, I have to ask because it has been bothering me. Why did you cut the roses down the way you did? If I'm honest it has upset me and this is difficult to say because I'm obviously grateful you did so much work in the garden but the roses was for me, a step to far and I wish you hadn't cut them. A deadhead would have sufficed. I don't want us to fall out but I don't want this to eat away at me either. I know it seems stupid, they're just roses but they bought me so much joy and now they're gone."

Not all guns blazing, but it may elicit sympathy from her and she will know she has overstepped her mark and that it has upset you and doesn't give her any leg to stand on if she gets pissy.

I would insist she replaced them.

Sorry to cause confusion! That one photo with the hedge is a photo from last summer (before we got rid of the hedge as it has yew berries that are poisonous) since I couldn’t find a good photo from this year with the similar angle earlier. But here I have found one I took in June this year before we left from holiday v. taken today.

I am starting to get used to seeing my garden in this new state, although still sad about the front bit, I’m starting to feel maybe they were a bit too overgrown and she has done something I would’ve never done myself which can be good (although she still never should have done this without my consent and definitely did overstep the boundary). They will grow back and I will tell her to never do that again if we ever ask her to water our garden again (probably not).
Thanks everyone for all your input and validation, appreciate it.