Feeling upset that neighbour cut down all my roses in the garden while on holiday

[FlowerScarlet]

We were away on holiday for 10 days and had asked our neighbour to water the plants in the green house whilst we were away. Turns out she did a lot more than what we had asked for - the entire garden was completely weeded, plants and shrubs shaped and manicured, we were shocked and genuinely grateful, she did not have to do any of this, we didn’t even ask to water the garden as we thought some rain here and there would be enough. Everything seemed perfect except she cut down ALL our roses!!!!

I have been feeling quite upset what she has done without our consent. We have 5 different roses shrubs/climbers in different areas of the garden, she has cut most of them to none. Before we left they were all in full bloom, very leafy, big shrubs with abundant flowers taking up a lot of space. Yes they did look a bit wild and overgrown, but we always went for the wild cottage garden look instead of the perfectly manicured look, and June / July is the time roses really grow and flourish. And although I’m not an expert at rose gardening, I’ve always done my hard pruning in winter/early spring, and they were all this year’s growth. She did not just cut back on the dead flowers, she literally cut majority of the canes back to the ground with no roses and leaves left except a few leggy canes! I really don’t know why she had to do this and even though it’s been a few days I still cannot get over it every time I see the bare garden with great view of the perfectly weeded soil from the kitchen window… From the short conversation we had after we came back it sounded like she thinks she has done us a favour, I think she thought we don’t do any maintaining and looked overgrown, but first of all every pruning articles and tips I read states that summer is not the time to do major hard pruning of roses, and secondly I just feel so upset that she thought it was OK to just do this without me knowing. I did take care of my roses and they are mine… When we came back she did ask if she could take the rose cuttings to plant in her garden and she did take a bunch of them home, which now got me thinking did she cut them all down so she could plant in her garden???? She’s a lovely neighbour and we like her a lot but this has got me feeling bitter. Aibu for feeling this way?? Should I speak to her and tell her how I truly feel? Or would that just make her feel bad? Should I just bottle this feeling and move on and look forward to enjoying the roses next year?(hope she didn’t ruin them…)

I had a 'gardener' (with good feedback and one of them said he'd worked at Kensington Palace - no idea if that was true or not!) in July two years ago and they cut the shit out of my rose (sentimental because it was grown from a slip of a rose at my late parents' home). There was hardly any of it left. It had already bloomed.

Two years later, it's vigorous and has lots of blooms again. I'd imagine yours will be ok too.

It's a difficult situation because she did a lot of good stuff too. I'm not sure I could bring myself to say anything but I wouldn't ask her to do it again.

Agree you need to say something. My mum's neighbour did this to her and she was quite upset about it all.
He cut back a couple of very expensive bushes bought as a special gift by someone who had since died.

We have no idea why he did it. There was no reason to at all. She was silently fuming about it until he mentioned he was going to cut a border into her back garden. She said no and then came back to him having gone ahead and done it when she went out. She lost it with him and gave him a piece of her mind about that and the bushes.
They're still friends now so I guess he accepted he'd overstepped. He still hasn't explained why he felt her garden was an extension of his to do what he wanted with though, and why he regularly took it upon himself to do her gardening without being asked to.

Missed out that the bushes did indeed grown back very well 2-3 years later. It looked awful until they did grow though.

Feed them, now, lots, and water them well. You should get a new flush of flowers this summer. Tell your neighbour what you are doing and why. She probably misinterpreted Monty Don's advice!

This. I would find it hard to recover from this in terms of trust. It would be bad enough if you'd hired someone to weed and they hardpruned your in-bloom roses unasked... It is outrageous overstepping by her and very upsetting.

How nice of her to help herself to some cuttings! Does she have any roses of her own in bloom? Or is everything in her garden chopped back too?

How very odd of her! Sorry for you OP.

I would be utterly raging and my neighbour would be left in no doubt about my feelings. Honestly you need to say something otherwise the next time you are away she might think she has free reign to cut down any plant she wants! To coin a phrase you need to nip this in the bud, outrageous.

This was the message I sent a neighbour who did something similar. I have a beautiful Brunfelsia at the front of my place. It was full of buds that were about to open. He cut it back to nothing. I came home from a shit day at work, saw it and cried. My dad had not long passed away and things were shit at work and I was looking forward to the flowers as they're lovely. To his credit he apologized.

"Hi xxx, I really love having you as a neighbour and it's very kind of you to help, but please do not cut the shrub in my front garden again. I was so upset yesterday. I sat on the couch and cried. I was so happy yesterday morning. I'm about to have 6weeks leave and I was going to be able to enjoy it flowering while I redid the front garden. It was coming across the front window nicely to block the summer sun, which is very needed as my lounge bakes over summer. Now it's cut back, I'm not going to have that bit of sun protection - every little bit helps for that Thanks, k1233"

How horrible! You have my utmost sympathy.

How did he respond??

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune he was very apologetic about it and has left the shrub alone.

Just thank her and say/ask … ‘oh I’ve never thought to cut the roses back at this time of year, is this what I should be doing? I suspect she mistook the type.

Also we have a family friend who is a professional gardener (Chelsea flower show etc) and one year we asked them to help sort some issues in our garden and they did similar (not roses though) with plants and bushes we thought were fine. We were shocked and it looked a bit ugly for a year. It sounded like they needed a major seeing to as we’d not really pruned correctly over the years. Like others have said though, two years on - amazing!

Firstly, OP, completely understand how you feel - really not sure why she did this.

I have NO idea why she did this, but am posting to give a bit of hope.

I planted roses 3 years ago and they did great in their first year. Almost on their one year anniversary we had really high winds, followed by a 30 minute downpour of which I’ve never seen the like before. My young roses were battered and drowned.

This happened early July and I panicked (new to roses). Having taken advice from a well-known rose supplier, I cut 80% of it back in July - and they continued to thrive.

I would give them all a rose granule feed and chuck some compost mulch down. Once you’ve done that, give them a water. And then leave them apart from deadheading as necessary. They will survive, roses are usually pretty resilient.

Will add photos of wind/rain decimation and how they’re doing now.

Yeah we had this one year, my parents in law came for the first time (long haul flight) and we went to work the next day, apparently they mentioned they will do a bit in the garden. I assumed they would have a rest after nearly 24 hours of traveling and 8 time zones but we got home to find everything small cleared along one side of the garden plus some buffers things including the lovely big rose (deep border 20m long)
Anyway turned out they just pulled/cut most of the plants off at ground level including the rose so most of it grew back including the weeds!
We were so shocked but also didn't want to hit the roof since they only just arrived.

So much stuff seems to die randomly in our garden, and so much seems to grow by itself, so there's a limit to how much damage can be done.

Not great photos!

Just ask this nicely if you must. But I think she genuinely thought she was doing you a favour so I'd try not to be upset by it (if she can see into your garden maybe she also did it to benefit her too if it was very overgrown)

To give her the benefit of the doubt, if she is generally a lovely neighbour she presumably thought she was doing you a favour (wrongly). The roses will grow back so I wouldn't ruin a friendship over it. But I wouldn't be giving her access to my garden again either. Ask a different neighbour or friend next year and stress that you only want plants watered, nothing else.

You all sound much nicer than me. Lovely or not, she had no right to do any of that to your garden, even if she thought it needed doing. How utterly rude, a bit like walking into someone's house and starting to declutter but throwing out their possessions. I would have been really cross, there's no way I'd have been able to smile and thank her.

I wouldn’t say anything at all, what would be the point, the roses have been cut. I am sure you won’t want her to water the garden in future either. But honestly not worth falling out with a neighbour over.

Mental behaviour. Never ask her to do anything in your garden again! Not sure if I’d barge over and knock on her door, but if I saw her often enough I would say something like “I do wish you hadn’t trimmed the roses though, they would have looked amazing by now”.

I think I'd have to say something. I'd want to know why she did it as much as anything else. She's presumably into gardening if she's taken cuttings. So surely she knows she shouldn't have done it.

If you don't say anything then you risk it happening again. British politeness doesn't always work out well.

The whole thing is incredibly intrusive. It's like you going into her house when she's away, moving furniture around and getting rid of things you don't like. You have to tell her and make it very clear how you feel, I don't get why you didn't say anything straight away tbh.

My neighbour pulled up plants in my garden a few years ago which I was upset about. They are just growing back now.she should have asked me first.

My neighbour pulled up plants in my garden a few years ago without asking me first. They are just starting to grow back now.