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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling upset that neighbour cut down all my roses in the garden while on holiday

271 replies

FlowerScarlet · 01/07/2023 23:10

We were away on holiday for 10 days and had asked our neighbour to water the plants in the green house whilst we were away. Turns out she did a lot more than what we had asked for - the entire garden was completely weeded, plants and shrubs shaped and manicured, we were shocked and genuinely grateful, she did not have to do any of this, we didn’t even ask to water the garden as we thought some rain here and there would be enough. Everything seemed perfect except she cut down ALL our roses!!!!

I have been feeling quite upset what she has done without our consent. We have 5 different roses shrubs/climbers in different areas of the garden, she has cut most of them to none. Before we left they were all in full bloom, very leafy, big shrubs with abundant flowers taking up a lot of space. Yes they did look a bit wild and overgrown, but we always went for the wild cottage garden look instead of the perfectly manicured look, and June / July is the time roses really grow and flourish. And although I’m not an expert at rose gardening, I’ve always done my hard pruning in winter/early spring, and they were all this year’s growth. She did not just cut back on the dead flowers, she literally cut majority of the canes back to the ground with no roses and leaves left except a few leggy canes! I really don’t know why she had to do this and even though it’s been a few days I still cannot get over it every time I see the bare garden with great view of the perfectly weeded soil from the kitchen window… From the short conversation we had after we came back it sounded like she thinks she has done us a favour, I think she thought we don’t do any maintaining and looked overgrown, but first of all every pruning articles and tips I read states that summer is not the time to do major hard pruning of roses, and secondly I just feel so upset that she thought it was OK to just do this without me knowing. I did take care of my roses and they are mine… When we came back she did ask if she could take the rose cuttings to plant in her garden and she did take a bunch of them home, which now got me thinking did she cut them all down so she could plant in her garden???? She’s a lovely neighbour and we like her a lot but this has got me feeling bitter. Aibu for feeling this way?? Should I speak to her and tell her how I truly feel? Or would that just make her feel bad? Should I just bottle this feeling and move on and look forward to enjoying the roses next year?(hope she didn’t ruin them…)

OP posts:
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BraveMaeve · 01/07/2023 23:16

Is it possible she felt they intruded on her garden and took the opportunity to cut them right back? Or that they made her view look untidy? Neither are an excuse but wondering her motivation!

fuckmyuteruslining · 01/07/2023 23:18

Wow that's weird of her! A bit of weeding is fine, maybe she struggles with anxiety and wanted something to occupy her. But then it sounds like she's forgotten where she is.
I don't think there's anything to be done. The roses will recover. Just do not ask her again!

toomuchlaundry · 01/07/2023 23:20

Can you ask her why she specifically cut the roses?

EvilElsa · 01/07/2023 23:20

😫
You definitely don't cut back roses in the summer! I'd be gutted. They will grow back but what was she thinking?!!!

TwoFourSixEightNeverTooLate · 01/07/2023 23:21

Don’t ask her to water next year!

They may be okay. I tried to hack down a rose the previous owners let grow wild. I actually hacked in back to soil one July and tried to dig it up. It came back no problem and is blooming away, enjoying its reprieve. They also planted a rambling rose which is now entangled into the hedge, so that regularly gets a good pruning at the wrong time of year and still survives and blooms.

I am sorry you have the upset though, I’d be furious if anyone hacked things down in my little oasis. I hope they bounce back okay.

SameToo · 01/07/2023 23:21

I dead head mine after they first flower so they’ll flower twice in the year, but I don’t cut them down to the stem. Seems odd she’d cut the whole lot back for cuttings as that would be a hell of a lot of work to plant and nurture numerous cuttings. Maybe she thought a hard prune now would help?

ThatFraggle · 01/07/2023 23:23

You need to say something.

'Ann, I can see you spent a lot of time in the garden, and I'm sure you were trying to help, but please don't ever do anything like that again. I don't know why you cut all my roses. It's the strangest thing I've ever encountered.'

CFs get away with it by never being called out.

Mommasgotabrandnewbag · 01/07/2023 23:27

ThatFraggle · 01/07/2023 23:23

You need to say something.

'Ann, I can see you spent a lot of time in the garden, and I'm sure you were trying to help, but please don't ever do anything like that again. I don't know why you cut all my roses. It's the strangest thing I've ever encountered.'

CFs get away with it by never being called out.

This. And make sure you add in how much its upset you. People need to understand the consequences of their actions. However unintended.

Harshbutfair · 01/07/2023 23:27

ThatFraggle · 01/07/2023 23:23

You need to say something.

'Ann, I can see you spent a lot of time in the garden, and I'm sure you were trying to help, but please don't ever do anything like that again. I don't know why you cut all my roses. It's the strangest thing I've ever encountered.'

CFs get away with it by never being called out.

Agreed, this is good.

YANBU, I'd be devastated and furious in equal measure!

Avondale89 · 01/07/2023 23:27

Wow. I’d be completely gutted, what a bizarre thing to do!

StarbucksSmarterSister · 01/07/2023 23:28

I'd be absolutely fuming. Roses should be pruned either in early spring or autumn, not in mid summer while they're in full bloom.

Just ask her why she did it.

WobblyLondoner · 01/07/2023 23:30

Oh my goodness, another one who would be really upset by this. I think the suggestions above are good ones - I do think you should say something, no matter how difficult it is. Not on.

samenamebutdifferent · 01/07/2023 23:30

Maybe she cut a few roses to put in a vase and then got a bit carried away and took
Too many- and then she tried to hide it by pretending to prune them. I'd be gutted. But I'm a peacemaker and wouldn't want to upset her by telling her she has upset me!!

Mumtothreegirlies · 01/07/2023 23:30

I was going to say my roses were in full bloom 2 weeks ago and are now mostly dead, so I was thinking maybe she just dead headed them? But then you said she’s just left canes so that’s a bit odd??

MenoRageisReal · 01/07/2023 23:31

ThatFraggle · 01/07/2023 23:23

You need to say something.

'Ann, I can see you spent a lot of time in the garden, and I'm sure you were trying to help, but please don't ever do anything like that again. I don't know why you cut all my roses. It's the strangest thing I've ever encountered.'

CFs get away with it by never being called out.

Agree. The fact she did this without ever checking ANY of it with you first means she is a definite CF. She needs telt!

2bazookas · 01/07/2023 23:41

No need to bottle it. of course she knows she overstepped your privacy and autonomy; so its veryh important to let her know right away you object, and she can't get away with that kind of nutty behaviour.

JustMaggie · 01/07/2023 23:44

I would be upset, but I wouldn't say anything. I just wouldn't ask her again. The roses will grow back so it's not worth ruining an otherwise good relationship with the neighbour.

StarbucksSmarterSister · 01/07/2023 23:48

I deadhead mine constantly and they bloom multiple times throughout the summer but there's a big difference between deadheading and giving them a hard prune. She must know what she's done, surely,

2catsandhappy · 01/07/2023 23:49

Monty Don was talking about the 3 different types of roses and the different pruning on Friday's Gardeners World. Maybe watch this first and then speak to her. Perhaps she was confusing her rose types.

TheWalrusdidbeseech · 01/07/2023 23:54

Very odd.

You are absolutely not BU to be upset by the massacre! I am not sure how I would handle it with her, but I wouldn't ask her again for favour.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 01/07/2023 23:54

what she has done is baffling but your roses will more than likely be fine and will spring back in defiance of her attempts to curb their lovliness. I’d give them a bit of tlc - a feed, a good water and a mulch - and stand well back while they put on some growth. You may well get more flowers this year.

ThatFraggle · 01/07/2023 23:55

JustMaggie · 01/07/2023 23:44

I would be upset, but I wouldn't say anything. I just wouldn't ask her again. The roses will grow back so it's not worth ruining an otherwise good relationship with the neighbour.

It's already been ruined. By a CF.

ComeTheFckOnBridget · 01/07/2023 23:57

ThatFraggle · 01/07/2023 23:23

You need to say something.

'Ann, I can see you spent a lot of time in the garden, and I'm sure you were trying to help, but please don't ever do anything like that again. I don't know why you cut all my roses. It's the strangest thing I've ever encountered.'

CFs get away with it by never being called out.

Great post, it's totally unacceptable

Bigbus · 01/07/2023 23:59

I had a gardener once who did this. I had been growing a climbing rose all along my fence for about 12 years and he cut it back to a little stump. Mistook a climber for a bush? I don’t know. I made it clear at the beginning I like a less manicures garden. Did not have him back again.

LittleBrownJug · 02/07/2023 00:00

2catsandhappy · 01/07/2023 23:49

Monty Don was talking about the 3 different types of roses and the different pruning on Friday's Gardeners World. Maybe watch this first and then speak to her. Perhaps she was confusing her rose types.

Fuck that! Way unnecessary for you.

I would be RAGING. My sister & my mum once helpfully ‘weeded’ my garden when I was heavily pregnant & napping, pulling up perennials with gay abandon, gleefully removing carefully-nurtured plants they insisted were weeds. I’m still not over it & they’re my flesh & blood! And it was five years ago.

I agree with the PP & the excellently worded way to tell her. She needs calling out on this batshittery.

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