Feeling upset that neighbour cut down all my roses in the garden while on holiday

[FlowerScarlet]

We were away on holiday for 10 days and had asked our neighbour to water the plants in the green house whilst we were away. Turns out she did a lot more than what we had asked for - the entire garden was completely weeded, plants and shrubs shaped and manicured, we were shocked and genuinely grateful, she did not have to do any of this, we didn’t even ask to water the garden as we thought some rain here and there would be enough. Everything seemed perfect except she cut down ALL our roses!!!!

I have been feeling quite upset what she has done without our consent. We have 5 different roses shrubs/climbers in different areas of the garden, she has cut most of them to none. Before we left they were all in full bloom, very leafy, big shrubs with abundant flowers taking up a lot of space. Yes they did look a bit wild and overgrown, but we always went for the wild cottage garden look instead of the perfectly manicured look, and June / July is the time roses really grow and flourish. And although I’m not an expert at rose gardening, I’ve always done my hard pruning in winter/early spring, and they were all this year’s growth. She did not just cut back on the dead flowers, she literally cut majority of the canes back to the ground with no roses and leaves left except a few leggy canes! I really don’t know why she had to do this and even though it’s been a few days I still cannot get over it every time I see the bare garden with great view of the perfectly weeded soil from the kitchen window… From the short conversation we had after we came back it sounded like she thinks she has done us a favour, I think she thought we don’t do any maintaining and looked overgrown, but first of all every pruning articles and tips I read states that summer is not the time to do major hard pruning of roses, and secondly I just feel so upset that she thought it was OK to just do this without me knowing. I did take care of my roses and they are mine… When we came back she did ask if she could take the rose cuttings to plant in her garden and she did take a bunch of them home, which now got me thinking did she cut them all down so she could plant in her garden???? She’s a lovely neighbour and we like her a lot but this has got me feeling bitter. Aibu for feeling this way?? Should I speak to her and tell her how I truly feel? Or would that just make her feel bad? Should I just bottle this feeling and move on and look forward to enjoying the roses next year?(hope she didn’t ruin them…)

That's brilliant.

Some people are so scared of conflict it's unreal. If OP doesn't tell her, she'll not only think it was acceptable, she'll probably do it to someone else's garden next.

She thought she was doing something nice; to me it’s difficult because she did things you didn’t ask her to do but you asked her for a favour. I expect you’ll want favours again so bringing it up won’t change it but will cause friction.

I think I hard pruned mine in around March/April so a bit late and they have all come up. Sadly for op in 3 months it will be October and hers will be going into autumn/winter mode. I don't think she will get any more flowers this year, or at least not the display she had before.

I would have been furious if my neighbour did that,@FlowerScarlet especially when they were just meant to water the plants in the greenhouse. Have you managed to have a chat with her yet? I like @MaitreKarlsson suggestion, just questioning but not accusatory.

WTF was she thinking???🤯
So sorry I can 100% see why you’re so upset!

I’d invite her in for a cuppa, and say ‘I was too shocked to say this the day we came back, but I couldn’t believe you cut all my roses.‘ State it as a fact, not a question ‘why.’ I could not let this lie.

I doubt very much the OP will be asking her for a favour again!

Firstly don't worry they'll be fine. But yes it's weird and yes it's annoying. I'd be furious but I expect she thinks its all for the greater good. Just don't ask her again. She wouldn't need to chop them right back for cuttings, also wrong time of year to take cuttings. Maybe she just picked them all and they looked bad after?
Maybe tell her you don't like your roses being cut. Maybe sneak in and pull up all her cuttings.

It's strange however I feel we are not hearing the whole story here? Was it impeding on her garden or making her house look shabby because of your garden? If so then it's entirely reasonable.

You could always read all of OP’s posts to find out….

Errrm....one doesnt have a go at someone else's garden because it makes your own house look "shabby"!!! More a case of "If you can't beat them join them" and up your own game and improve your own house.

YANBU
i would have to say something- you’re upset and she is oblivious to it and needs to know how you feel. Just something like it was very kind of you to come in and do work in the garden but I’m really upset you cut all the roses back and I’m just wondering why you did that without checking with us 1st? See what she says. She prob thinks was doing you a favour but it’s not acceptable! I have a friend who does stuff like this and genuinely thinks she’s doing people favours but she has offended so many of us- she once gave a friends kitchen “a really good deep clean” without being asked and my friend was livid!!

You can see from the photos that they didn't impinge on anyone else's property, and the way they were decimated is appalling.

You're right that we have no idea what she was thinking, though.

Aye,who knows what extra 'favours' she'd throw in if there was a next time?

Nooo. Sorry OP I think as she did so much elsewhere its not worth ruining your relationship over (as I'm sure it would). Chalk it up to experience - AKA don't ask her next year and hope the roses come back

@FlowerScarlet
Any update ?
Did you speak with your neighbour? ?

One summer my brother cut his roses off near the ground with his new chainsaw. His wife was NOT happy! But the following year they were better than they'd ever been. I wouldn't worry.

Even if she was ‘correct’ that the roses needed pruning (which I don’t think she was)
it was not her garden and not her choice to do that. You specifically asked her to water - nothing else. I would be outraged, feel undermined that she thought the garden wasn’t ‘good enough’. I’m really territorial with my plants! How dare she cut your plants back without your consent !!!

Last summer I was woken up early one Sunday morning by my neighbour's sons (not children - two men in their 50s and 60s!) in my front garden, hacking at the beautifully flowering hedge/bush. A bush I refuse to get rid of because it houses a family of birds on the RSPB's list of endangered species. I keep it as tidy as possible but my neighbour had "joked" that she couldn't see over it to spy on people going into the flats over the way.

Clearly she wasn't joking because her sons had snuck out there at 7am with handsaws made for DIY (rather than actual gardening tools) and cut at random until it was a blunt, barren mess of jagged twigs. They also dumped all of the offcuts onto the council-owned grassy area in the middle of the square, so DH and I could probably have been fined for fly tipping.

Thankfully, it's back, the flowers are back and - most importantly - the birds are back. I bought a birdhouse and it has pride of place in the bush now, just to get it right up my neighbour every time she looks out her window 👋

You should have said something at the time. I would have said then that I was unhappy that she had cut down the roses and I just asked her to water the garden. We often water each other's allotments but I don't expect other people to prune week or do stuff to it, unless I've said to help themselves to ripe produce.
Don't ask her again. She has poor boundaries.

@amusedbush hope you called them out on that shitty behaviour

Have you spoken to your neighbour about what she did @FlowerScarlet