Feeling upset that neighbour cut down all my roses in the garden while on holiday

[FlowerScarlet]

We were away on holiday for 10 days and had asked our neighbour to water the plants in the green house whilst we were away. Turns out she did a lot more than what we had asked for - the entire garden was completely weeded, plants and shrubs shaped and manicured, we were shocked and genuinely grateful, she did not have to do any of this, we didn’t even ask to water the garden as we thought some rain here and there would be enough. Everything seemed perfect except she cut down ALL our roses!!!!

I have been feeling quite upset what she has done without our consent. We have 5 different roses shrubs/climbers in different areas of the garden, she has cut most of them to none. Before we left they were all in full bloom, very leafy, big shrubs with abundant flowers taking up a lot of space. Yes they did look a bit wild and overgrown, but we always went for the wild cottage garden look instead of the perfectly manicured look, and June / July is the time roses really grow and flourish. And although I’m not an expert at rose gardening, I’ve always done my hard pruning in winter/early spring, and they were all this year’s growth. She did not just cut back on the dead flowers, she literally cut majority of the canes back to the ground with no roses and leaves left except a few leggy canes! I really don’t know why she had to do this and even though it’s been a few days I still cannot get over it every time I see the bare garden with great view of the perfectly weeded soil from the kitchen window… From the short conversation we had after we came back it sounded like she thinks she has done us a favour, I think she thought we don’t do any maintaining and looked overgrown, but first of all every pruning articles and tips I read states that summer is not the time to do major hard pruning of roses, and secondly I just feel so upset that she thought it was OK to just do this without me knowing. I did take care of my roses and they are mine… When we came back she did ask if she could take the rose cuttings to plant in her garden and she did take a bunch of them home, which now got me thinking did she cut them all down so she could plant in her garden???? She’s a lovely neighbour and we like her a lot but this has got me feeling bitter. Aibu for feeling this way?? Should I speak to her and tell her how I truly feel? Or would that just make her feel bad? Should I just bottle this feeling and move on and look forward to enjoying the roses next year?(hope she didn’t ruin them…)

My money is on there being several big vases of roses in her house right now. And no gardening books.

I wouldn’t be letting her into your garden again.

Sorry I'd be over there bouncing.
That's so out of order and she's ruined your garden.

Time to go over and say something I think, although you have kind of missed the ideal opportunity ( which was when you came back), but that's no reason not to still say how upset you are and ask her why she felt she had the right to do this.

"I am very appreciative of your willingness to watering the greenhouse plants while we were away and your conscientiousness in doing so. Thank you.

I have noticed though, there there has been some very significant pruning of the garden plants. Can you tell me what happened and why?"

And then when she tells you tell her that you are really upset, your garden has been decimated, and it was absolutely not something you had discussed or agreed.

I honestly would be upset. She was asked to do one thing and decided to go further without asking or any input. My garden looks a bit overgrown atm but it has a more wildlife, natural look which is what I desire and am continuing to work towards.

I deadhead my roses but what she did was unnecessary.

I'm sure she didn't mean to actively upset you but there's a degree of arrogance in making your garden look like she thinks it should look. It's not just the roses even, I think it looked better with more ground cover, even if some of them were 'weeds' (who gets to decide what a weed is anyway?)

Blimey!

She's been at the secateurs!

Oh my god, what on earth did she do that for? I would be LIVID. I would go round and say you've been waiting to bring this up because, frankly, you've been really upset and needed to get your head around it, but the way she's cut back your roses and the garden in general feels like a huge overstepping. You asked her to water the garden, not take a scythe to it! Ask her what she was thinking – you deserve an explanation. I honestly wouldn't care about upsetting neighbourly relations at this stage.

And yes, I agree - it is hugely arrogant of her to assume your garden needed to look like she thinks it should.

I'd have a new patio by now!

that's way worse than I was picturing!

I don't know what I'd say/do as it would depend on the woman/the relationship.

HOWEVER, I'd feed, mulch and water & at the end of summer I'd cut back the bits she has left and I'm sure they'll come back lovely next year.

if it was just weeds she'd weeded, & she'd looked after the greenhouse plants, I would ask her again next year, but ask her NOT to 'prune' anything at all!!

It's the interfering neighbour who ruined the relationship. I'd be livid and not forgiving.

There would be no further relationship.

Same here. My garden is a wildlife sanctuary. Anyone who damaged that would be permanently cut off.

What an awful thing to do! There’s just no excuse for it. It’s beyond weird. And badly done 😢 I’d also be really upset and I certainly wouldn’t be asking her any favours in the future.

I’m sure they will come back but even so. It’s out of control behaviour.

God, no offense meant but he sounds thoughtless and obtuse. He should be banned by your mother from any gardening.

Omg, now having seen the photos, I would be devastated! There's no way I could be friendly to her after that. What a violation.

@Daftasabroom I'm in Australia. Not sure how it would go in the cold. They're beautiful. Start at dark purple then get lighter daily. Beautiful perfume too.

I get the feeling that she is jealous of your garden. No way would I let her back in my garden.

Oh that's shocking! It very much reminds me what my father in law did to my garden, trying to be helpful. I didn't go nuclear but I did point out that it really wasn't on and he never did anything without my permission again.

There's no way you should let this go as she's likely to do it again

She can’t do it again if she’s never asked to water any plants again which is the obvious thing to happen.

OMG just saw the photos. That’s dreadful. What on Earth was she thinking?

I would have to say something.

Fucking hell, that's worse than I imagined. Definitely will grow back no issues looking at the photo, but there was no need to cut that back beyond dead heading. What has she done with the roses? Are they in the garden bin or in her house 🥴

I’m absolutely speechless. My favourite thing about summer is my garden and the roses in particular being in full bloom.

That's absolutely horrendous OP, I'm so sorry.

I struggle to find a logical reason why either a non-gardener or gardener would do this, for genuine reasons.

Could she be envious of your beautiful garden? That's the only answer I can come to, as to why she'd hack into your healthy blooming roses and decimate them like that.

There are ulterior motives there, in my honest opinion. It's fine that you didn't notice at first. You'd just come back off holiday and came back to a different garden it seems, you were overwhelmed and wouldn't take in everything right away.

Spite and jealousy are the only reasons

Not speaking up risks her thinking it was a good and very appreciated thing, and doing it or worse again next time OP is out.

Have you had much luck with sticking rose cuttings in your garden OP?
I haven't - apart from tough Rosa Glauca and a Scotch rose none have produced decent plants.
I honestly think she is either spiteful as mentioned above or unhinged. What she has done to the rose is insane.