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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling upset that neighbour cut down all my roses in the garden while on holiday

271 replies

FlowerScarlet · 01/07/2023 23:10

We were away on holiday for 10 days and had asked our neighbour to water the plants in the green house whilst we were away. Turns out she did a lot more than what we had asked for - the entire garden was completely weeded, plants and shrubs shaped and manicured, we were shocked and genuinely grateful, she did not have to do any of this, we didn’t even ask to water the garden as we thought some rain here and there would be enough. Everything seemed perfect except she cut down ALL our roses!!!!

I have been feeling quite upset what she has done without our consent. We have 5 different roses shrubs/climbers in different areas of the garden, she has cut most of them to none. Before we left they were all in full bloom, very leafy, big shrubs with abundant flowers taking up a lot of space. Yes they did look a bit wild and overgrown, but we always went for the wild cottage garden look instead of the perfectly manicured look, and June / July is the time roses really grow and flourish. And although I’m not an expert at rose gardening, I’ve always done my hard pruning in winter/early spring, and they were all this year’s growth. She did not just cut back on the dead flowers, she literally cut majority of the canes back to the ground with no roses and leaves left except a few leggy canes! I really don’t know why she had to do this and even though it’s been a few days I still cannot get over it every time I see the bare garden with great view of the perfectly weeded soil from the kitchen window… From the short conversation we had after we came back it sounded like she thinks she has done us a favour, I think she thought we don’t do any maintaining and looked overgrown, but first of all every pruning articles and tips I read states that summer is not the time to do major hard pruning of roses, and secondly I just feel so upset that she thought it was OK to just do this without me knowing. I did take care of my roses and they are mine… When we came back she did ask if she could take the rose cuttings to plant in her garden and she did take a bunch of them home, which now got me thinking did she cut them all down so she could plant in her garden???? She’s a lovely neighbour and we like her a lot but this has got me feeling bitter. Aibu for feeling this way?? Should I speak to her and tell her how I truly feel? Or would that just make her feel bad? Should I just bottle this feeling and move on and look forward to enjoying the roses next year?(hope she didn’t ruin them…)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
Getthemofftheirhighhorses · 02/07/2023 07:36

All the batshit people saying she probably did it because they were overgrown and going into her garden.. it's illegal. It is legal however to cut overhanging branches into your garden.

Getthemofftheirhighhorses · 02/07/2023 07:37

Even if they were overgrown and you had the audacity to do that you don't cut them to the ground. That's just MALICIOUS.

Fraaahnces · 02/07/2023 07:39

My Neighbour’s kids climbed over the fence and into my garden and utterly decimated it when I was away at my Dad’s funeral. The fuckers had my roses and peonies displayed in giant bunches in their windows. I called the police who gave them back to me, but that was not the point. (Obviously that was not their first offense. Those neighbours were the most antisocial people I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.)

Hazelnuttella · 02/07/2023 07:43

Roses don’t generally grow well from cuttings, so you can take comfort that she’ll just be watering some dead sticks for a while.

But I would be absolutely livid if someone attacked my roses like that.

Hazelnuttella · 02/07/2023 07:45

The whole thing is just breathtakingly arrogant.
She doesn’t like the style of your garden so she’s taken it upon herself to manicure it for you.

BananaSpanner · 02/07/2023 07:47

Totally get why you’re upset but for me, it’s done and no point confronting her over it. She overstepped and you won’t ask her to help again. If she mentions it to you, then just say you liked your overgrown garden and you miss it the look and the roses. If she’s a lovely neighbour as you say she is, I think I’d probably accept that she thought she was doing you a favour and made a mistake.

tara66 · 02/07/2023 07:47

It's controlling and creepy!

Whattheactualwhatnow · 02/07/2023 07:50

JustMaggie · 01/07/2023 23:44

I would be upset, but I wouldn't say anything. I just wouldn't ask her again. The roses will grow back so it's not worth ruining an otherwise good relationship with the neighbour.

Yea this. Upsetting for sure, but if she’s a lovely neighbour don’t die on this hill.

olympicsrock · 02/07/2023 07:54

She may have meant well ( but was way off target…) . I suspect they will come back well.

I’d have a chat , I wonder if she thinks of herself as quite the gardener. You do need to tell her that she overstepped the mark making these kinds of decisions even if she meant well.

I suspect that she will be really sorry . Never ask her to do anything in your absence again house Or garden.

Gettingbysomehow · 02/07/2023 07:59

Neighbours can be seriously weird sometimes. It's almost as if they would rather have concrete than nature. The roses will grow back. I cut mine down to the ground once a year and they are even bigger and better the next year.
I'd have been furious but would probably suck it up and make sure she never came in my garden again.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 02/07/2023 08:02

I have met several people who think they know about gardening and they really don't. She probably thought she was helping the roses. I would definitely tell her when roses are supposed to be pruned, and don't ask her to look after your garden again.

A deer came and ate all the roses of our rose bushes early one Summer, they were fine. I pruned a rose of my mother's right back in late Summer for transport to my house, and it came back better than ever the following year as I gave it plenty of manure. I think your roses will be OK and they may even have a chance to bloom again this year.

ANewAdventure · 02/07/2023 08:05

I’d tell her. Maybe she had the best intentions, but it’s not only intentions that are important, it’s impact too. What if I was feeding my neighbour’s cat, saw their wedding dress hanging up and thought I’d surprise them by altering and dyeing it to be short and blue so they can wear it to parties? Such a lovely, skilful and time consuming thing to do. No, obviously that would be unacceptable. A lot of very self centred people hide behind doing “nice” things.

ssd · 02/07/2023 08:07

So the op never came back??

Wonder if we'll see this in the daily mail soon..

Fandabedodgy · 02/07/2023 08:08

You will need to at least have a conversation before you go away again. Otherwise she will be in your garden every time doing whatever she fancies.

Daftasabroom · 02/07/2023 08:09

Hi @FlowerScarlet I wouldn't say anything TBH. If you ask her to water again, just specifically ask her not to cut back any plants. Tell her you plan to do it in winter while the plants are dormant, and heavy summer pruning reduces the flowering season.

They'll probably bounce back next year but I'd also cut back any leggy stems, just not to the ground.

PurpleChrayne · 02/07/2023 08:14

Maybe she has dementia or autism!

pizzaHeart · 02/07/2023 08:15

Barleycat · 02/07/2023 07:23

The whole thing is incredibly intrusive. It's like you going into her house when she's away, moving furniture around and getting rid of things you don't like. You have to tell her and make it very clear how you feel, I don't get why you didn't say anything straight away tbh.

This.^
You didn’t ask her to do anything apart from watering in your garden so I would be clear in my response and wouldn’t thank her for this even for weeding. The problem with people like this is that once they’ve overstepped the boundaries they might do it again and again re something else. As your neighbour doesn’t understand boundaries you have to be very clear. Yes, you wouldn’t be able to ask her to water your garden again but would you ask her anyway knowing that she might do something you didn’t want?
So I would thank her for watering my plants but just for this. She might mention other jobs or I would chat for a bit and then would say e.g I’ve noticed you did some other things in my garden and cut roses, actually I was very upset as it’s wrong time for cutting and I preferred them more bushy anyway etc etc
Or you can obviously say nothing and just don’t ask her for favour ever again.

Aquartz · 02/07/2023 08:15

I would have to say something - the sooner the better, as the longer you leave it, the weirder it will be.

It was an odd thing for her to do and you will just keep resenting her if you don’t say anything.

LinMortisanass · 02/07/2023 08:17

PurpleChrayne · 02/07/2023 08:14

Maybe she has dementia or autism!

Oh come on. Maybe she's just a knobhead.

123ZYX · 02/07/2023 08:19

ssd · 02/07/2023 08:07

So the op never came back??

Wonder if we'll see this in the daily mail soon..

She only posted at 11pm yesterday - she's probably asleep

BarrelOfOtters · 02/07/2023 08:21

Roses are tough as old boots, feed and water and mulch and they’ll be back better than ever. You can prune any time, you’ll just effect later flowering if they were going to bloom again.

also the poster who said rose cuttings don’t work, they are super easy.

but no, she shouldn’t have done it without asking.

OddSockSeeker · 02/07/2023 08:29

Take her some chocs to say thank you for going above and beyond and then just ask an open question, ‘what happened with the roses? Every time I look over to enjoy them I see they’re missing. I know it wouldn’t be your intention to chop them down so just asking out if interest?’ She might already feel bad and be glad for the opportunity to explain.

The other way I might approach it is jokingly ask, ‘Brenda, have you murdered my beloved roses?’ Straight to the point, gets it off your chest but you hand her the chocs so she knows you’re still friends.

Hehasasecretfriend · 02/07/2023 08:30

OP you're not wrong to be gutted but I think I would try to get over it in time without speaking to her about it. I don't think she's a CF - what was in it for her? Definitely don't ask her again.

gogomoto · 02/07/2023 08:40

We dead headed and cut back only yesterday, they flower all summer if we do

PurpleParrotfish · 02/07/2023 08:44

I may be unusual but I’d be pissed off and uncomfortable about the other stuff as well, the weeding and pruning, let alone cutting roses to the ground.

As if I’d asked a neighbour to feed our cat and she took it upon herself to clean the flat and rearrange the shelves and cupboards more neatly.