Feeling upset that neighbour cut down all my roses in the garden while on holiday

[FlowerScarlet]

We were away on holiday for 10 days and had asked our neighbour to water the plants in the green house whilst we were away. Turns out she did a lot more than what we had asked for - the entire garden was completely weeded, plants and shrubs shaped and manicured, we were shocked and genuinely grateful, she did not have to do any of this, we didn’t even ask to water the garden as we thought some rain here and there would be enough. Everything seemed perfect except she cut down ALL our roses!!!!

I have been feeling quite upset what she has done without our consent. We have 5 different roses shrubs/climbers in different areas of the garden, she has cut most of them to none. Before we left they were all in full bloom, very leafy, big shrubs with abundant flowers taking up a lot of space. Yes they did look a bit wild and overgrown, but we always went for the wild cottage garden look instead of the perfectly manicured look, and June / July is the time roses really grow and flourish. And although I’m not an expert at rose gardening, I’ve always done my hard pruning in winter/early spring, and they were all this year’s growth. She did not just cut back on the dead flowers, she literally cut majority of the canes back to the ground with no roses and leaves left except a few leggy canes! I really don’t know why she had to do this and even though it’s been a few days I still cannot get over it every time I see the bare garden with great view of the perfectly weeded soil from the kitchen window… From the short conversation we had after we came back it sounded like she thinks she has done us a favour, I think she thought we don’t do any maintaining and looked overgrown, but first of all every pruning articles and tips I read states that summer is not the time to do major hard pruning of roses, and secondly I just feel so upset that she thought it was OK to just do this without me knowing. I did take care of my roses and they are mine… When we came back she did ask if she could take the rose cuttings to plant in her garden and she did take a bunch of them home, which now got me thinking did she cut them all down so she could plant in her garden???? She’s a lovely neighbour and we like her a lot but this has got me feeling bitter. Aibu for feeling this way?? Should I speak to her and tell her how I truly feel? Or would that just make her feel bad? Should I just bottle this feeling and move on and look forward to enjoying the roses next year?(hope she didn’t ruin them…)

I would guess that her garden is generally neater than yours @FlowerScarlet and she hasn't enjoyed looking out over your "wild cottage garden look" so took the opportunity to do something about it.

She shouldn't have though, and YANBU for being upset about it

@K1233 Is this UK? Brunfelsia looks great

She was way out of order, and you should definitely say something - albeit tactfully, as she thought she was doing you a favour.

I would be livid too. Sounds like a control freak as well as a CF.

I would be raging. Do tell he that she has overstepped and pruning in summer was a no no. Do it nicely but definitely let her know. Next year, do not call her again to water the garden. Pay a local teenager, theyll just water and not prune your plants

I'd be gutted too but I would want to know why she did it so I'd go over with a very small box of chocolates to thank her for "looking after" the garden, hand the chocolates to her and then ask her why she cut back the roses that were in bloom.
What's her garden like ?

I inherited a big overgrown garden - honestly the 'overgrown' shrubs' such as Deutzia 10+ feet tall, Viburnum opulus like small trees (sadly no roses except a bank of rosa rugosa) were wonderful and though now mostly gone as they were probably 20 or 30 years old, but I am replanting to do the same.
Why should shrubs all be little round blobs.
The roses will come back but that is criminal to cut down in full bloom. Especially when not asked - could she just be jealous?

Haven’t read the whole thread, but I agree way out of order. This may have already said - Give them all a feed of rose fertiliser, they’ve plenty of time to put on new growth before Autumn.
Roses are tough they’ll bounce back stronger next year.

@Furries just posting to say your garden is beautiful. 😍

Hi OP sending hugs.
We have a neighbour who we have noticed is very controlling in a sly way bizarre behaviour and things have been standing out what she's been doing (won't go into it on your thread) but like you I darent say anything as we do get on well

I'd be absolutely fuming if she did anything like this I've got lots of roses some David Austin. Given that I know how it's like I'm not sure what I'd do. I think maybe mention it briefly say something like "please can you not trim the roses again it was a little too much, " or " can I ask why you trimmed the roses right back ? " See what she says .

I don't think I'd say anything when someone's spent so much time doing something they believed to be a kind deed. Especially when it's not going to happen again and only serves the purpose of venting.

I'd worry that this conversation has the potential to ruin a good existing neighbourly relationship.

If someone babysat your child you would expect them to give food and drink and you be grateful for their help.

You would go crackers if they gave your kid a haircut!

That's what has happened here!

It’s lovely to have neighbours you can rely on, I think her intention was to please you, she must have worked hard and it probably gave her a lot of joy. Your roses will grow back, it’s not the end of the world. Keep your feelings to yourself or risk damaging the relationship. Next time, if there is a next time be clear you don’t want her to do the garden as you enjoy doing it.

I bet she was excited to see you and may already have the message she went to far.

I have an awful neighbour, a nasty, vindictive woman in her early 70s, I’ve been here 27 years, I put up with her for at least 15 years, always polite, never rising to her nonsense but after she was particularly nasty in a message I decided to just ignore her, blocked her etc. I still chat to her husband and in an emergency I would help her. But falling out with neighbours is draining and I wouldn’t recommend it.

She thinks she’s done you a favour.if you let her continue thinking that, more favours will
come your way. You have to say something.

We have an “overgrown” garden. We’ve done a lot of research to ensure it’s wildlife friendly and to know what to plant and when to cut/prune. I’d be so angry if someone weeded or mowed the grass.

So where do you draw the line? How do you know it won’t happen again?

The neighbour has imposed her belief of how OPs garden should look without any checking it is what the op wanted.

Next time the neighbour might redecorate a room, paint the front door etc. as she doesn’t like the OPs taste.

Having a polite word asking the neighbour not to cut the roses in future is perfectly reasonable and makes it clear it’s the OPs garden.

If it was an in-law who has the potential to do something like this again - yes.

I just feel like on balance, in this situation, there is little benefit. I don't think OP is concerned about future interference as they'll never ask for watering help again.

Just my view, aware others will differ.

WOW, thank you so much everyone for all your comments! I didn't think it would garner so much! I loved reading it all, some of them gave me great laughs! I'm feeling so reassured that the roses will do indeed come back very strong again.

Like some of you suggested, I have already knocked on her door with a little souvenir to thank her when we had just gotten back earlier on the week, but I couldn't muster up the courage to say anything about the roses then. It actually didn't bother me too much on the very first day, I was definitely just shocked and trying to take in what happened - but as days passed, when I started noticing more and more of the things she'd done, and looking back at pictures and videos of the garden before holiday v. now, and seeing the sad looking garden it started to make me very upset.
I wouldn't go over again just to talk to her about this, but when I do get the chance to see her next time I think I would just ask why she cut back the roses so hard, and that I'm feeling upset about it...

Some of you mentioned perhaps the garden was a bit too overgrown into hers, she lives just across the street and not next door so that wasn't the case.

That’s outrageous, OP. No wonder you’re upset. I would definitely speak to her.

Is she a knowledgeable gardener herself? I ask because cutting back roses at this time of year seems like such an odd thing to do, but at the same time, someone who didn’t garden herself is presumably unlikely to have weeded, pruned etc.

(My mother (a gardener) has been desperately upset on a couple of occasions when she’s come home to find my father (not a gardener) has chopped back a flowering tree or shrub in full bloom to a stump because ‘it looked untidy’. He was completely baffled she was upset. To him, gardens are ‘tidy’ or ‘untidy’. And he’s continued to do it because he doesn’t grasp the issue — which is why you need to talk to your neighbour… )

He’s never understood why the neighbours (my parents have a long garden which is bordered by six smaller gardens at right angles on one side) weren’t grateful that he’d chopped a row of trees that gave privacy on the boundary, meaning that the neighbours’ view, from having been a green screen, is now of an ugly row of twelve-foot trunks with no branches. ‘But they were untidy!’ he said.

@Furries, Your garden is absolutely beautiful!!!! I'm so happy to see that the roses came back so beautifully again!

It sounds to me that she didn't approve of your garden not being the way she likes it and she's gone in and changed it. She might as well have repainted your living room. Totally unacceptable. I'm sure my neighbours would love to get their hands on my wild garden. But it's how we like it. I would mention it, and then move on. She needs to be aware that she overstepped the mark.

Decided to share some photos. I think what's bothering me the most is how she decided to cut back most of the canes, they were so healthy, some very strong newer shoots, and just left 1 leggy ones per shrub, making it look so ugly and sad! I think I would've been OK if she had pruned a little bit to "maintain" the look by sizing down but keeping more of a shape. To me, what she has done looks extremely ugly.
Every time I look at it I just can't help but to think 'wtf did she do' and these repeat flowered all summer, but can't enjoy that this year...

I would be so upset if someone did this in my garden but, for the sake of good neighbourly relations, I wouldn’t say anything. I’d ask someone else to do the watering next time you go away though.

I bet it was well-meaning even if ill-judged. Were the roses showing signs of disease? Had some of the stems snapped in the wind? Clutching at straws a little!

Jesus! That's terrible. I like a romantic sprawling-looking cottage garden, not a tidy bed style which is what she has decided you should have.

Wow, hadn’t seen the photos when I posted. She has pruned them really badly!

The fact she did this desecration while they were blooming... I would find it hard to remain civil with her. Regardless of how "well-meaning" her intentions were, it is an outrageous boundary violation and assumption to make that this would be a welcome change.

Some more before after, these aren’t bothering me as much as what she has done to the first one I posted.