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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say - just go out now!!!

28 replies

Gowlett · 01/07/2023 15:02

Why do I have to be involved with DH taking the child out? Said hours ago he was taking DS out for the day. So I could have time to myself (to clean the fucking house).

Sits around eating sandwiches, drinking tea. Eventually has a shower. Can’t find his keys. Announced that they can play in the garden as they’re meeting his friend until 4.30.

DS is tired, bored & loses and the other lot. Both of them start having a meltdown. DH says what’s he going to do until 4.30? I don’t give a fuck. Just get out! Here’s s coat, hat, snack, water, nappies, now piss off. Why do I have to be involved at all?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gowlett · 01/07/2023 15:12

I’m not even going to text about sunscreen.

OP posts:
Hurrayforfridays · 01/07/2023 15:15

How is going out at 4.30 giving you some free time? The days almost over!

ApplesInTheSunshine · 01/07/2023 15:17

DH takes our toddler out most mornings and they go to a variety of places from soft play to the park, shopping to church to the library.

Surely he can find somewhere to take your son Confused

OwlBabiesAreCute · 01/07/2023 15:20

@ApplesInTheSunshine I think you mean HIS son...

ApplesInTheSunshine · 01/07/2023 15:21

OwlBabiesAreCute · 01/07/2023 15:20

@ApplesInTheSunshine I think you mean HIS son...

Not really Confused He is OP’s son too and I’m talking to OP about her son.

What a weird thread to pick at 🧐

Mybusyday · 01/07/2023 15:25

This drives me crazy too! Makes a big fuss about going out to give me a break - faffs around all morning and then decides not to go out and the kids are all confused!

Mumtothreegirlies · 01/07/2023 15:33

ApplesInTheSunshine · 01/07/2023 15:17

DH takes our toddler out most mornings and they go to a variety of places from soft play to the park, shopping to church to the library.

Surely he can find somewhere to take your son Confused

Does he work evenings?

Mumtothreegirlies · 01/07/2023 15:35

That’s men for you. When mine took ours on a weekend away so I could clean the house and go to work have some time to myself it was me that had to pack everything, organise the route etc. boils my piss

Toloveandtowork · 01/07/2023 15:40

I used to have exactly that with my ex. It was so bad that I'd end up feeling so upset that it took me hours to recover from the bad feeling.
It's infuriating.
Then he would ask if I'd had a nice rest (cleaning too) when he came back and I'd be even more furious.

Floralnomad · 01/07/2023 15:54

The obvious answer is to take the child out yourself and leave the OH at home to clean the house - that’s how it worked in our house .

notsofamous · 01/07/2023 15:59

ApplesInTheSunshine · 01/07/2023 15:17

DH takes our toddler out most mornings and they go to a variety of places from soft play to the park, shopping to church to the library.

Surely he can find somewhere to take your son Confused

Does he work nights?

BiscuitsandPuffin · 01/07/2023 15:59

Mumtothreegirlies · 01/07/2023 15:35

That’s men for you. When mine took ours on a weekend away so I could clean the house and go to work have some time to myself it was me that had to pack everything, organise the route etc. boils my piss

It's NOT men! Men are capable of looking after children, cleaning houses and organising shit. If it bothers you so much stop shrugging and saying "that's men" and start realising they're adult humans who don't need a vagina to clean a house or watch a child! Stop letting them get away with shit because they have a penis and make it impossible for them to not pitch in.

eetee · 01/07/2023 16:08

Mumtothreegirlies · 01/07/2023 15:35

That’s men for you. When mine took ours on a weekend away so I could clean the house and go to work have some time to myself it was me that had to pack everything, organise the route etc. boils my piss

That's only 'men for you' of you accept it.

There are other options available.

SplendidUtterly · 01/07/2023 16:12

He doesn't want to take your DS out and is stalling for time.
Next time leave him at home to clean the house and take your DS out yourself OP.

tedgran · 01/07/2023 16:23

I'm 75, when my kids were small my best friend and would leave or kids with their fathers on Saturdays. Walk into the centre of our city, pub , shopping and get home after kids tea time. We were both stay at home mothers, so this was our time. The men accepted this, it was at the beginning of womens lib, have things changed?

huntingcunting · 01/07/2023 16:32

The next time you should just go out, leave DH at home with DC, and enjoy your day. If he then wants to faff around until 4.30 pm he can.

Original poster
Gowlett · 01/07/2023 16:52

Next time, I’m going out myself. Good idea! He can deal with whatever himself.

OP posts:
Daffodilsandtuplips · 01/07/2023 16:54

Floralnomad · 01/07/2023 15:54

The obvious answer is to take the child out yourself and leave the OH at home to clean the house - that’s how it worked in our house .

Genius.

Giltedged · 01/07/2023 16:54

Yep I hear you. 37 weeks pregnant and have been out with the toddler all day and had nothing but criticism in response. I’m very much ‘fuck men, they are all shits’ right at the moment Sad but this is exactly what mine does as well. Fuss fuss fuss faff faff faff.

ApplesInTheSunshine · 01/07/2023 16:55

@Mumtothreegirlies @notsofamous He works shifts, usually lunchtimes, afternoons and evenings. Sometimes mornings, but rarely.

Ponoka7 · 01/07/2023 16:59

Doesn't he at least have family that he could visit? I agree that it isn't 'men'. There's swimming and soft play.

Mybusyday · 01/07/2023 17:16

huntingcunting · 01/07/2023 16:32

The next time you should just go out, leave DH at home with DC, and enjoy your day. If he then wants to faff around until 4.30 pm he can.

This sounds like a good plan!

AnneElliott · 01/07/2023 17:27

I feel your pain op. It's laziness when my H does it - luckily DS is nearly an adult and not a faffer like his father!!!

Used to drive me bonkers. I'd have to pack the bag, dress DS, sort out drink and snacks. You can guess how much help I got when preparing to take DS out😳

Original poster
Gowlett · 01/07/2023 19:47

They’re home. Son’s face is sunburnt & he’s had just ice cream for dinner. Oatcakes & banana are still in the bag. Haven’t checked his nappy yet…

OP posts:
TimeToMoveIt · 01/07/2023 19:53

Gowlett · 01/07/2023 19:47

They’re home. Son’s face is sunburnt & he’s had just ice cream for dinner. Oatcakes & banana are still in the bag. Haven’t checked his nappy yet…

This would really piss me off . Wtf is wrong with him?

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