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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Naked in front of your child

223 replies

weirdas · 11/06/2023 21:43

What age Is it appropriate to stop being naked in front of your children (if any) and does gender matter? Ie dad and daughter or mum and son?

OP posts:
highlandspooce · 12/06/2023 14:37

Can people stop equating being open and honest about bodies with showing your naked person to your children? It's possible to be open and honest without giving a practical demonstration and the idea that people who don't go about naked are not open or honest with their kids is far off the mark

MathsNervous · 12/06/2023 14:47

Nothingisblackandwhite · 12/06/2023 13:22

Why would anyone wear a swimsuit in a bath lol ? That’s just so odd .

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Or you could argue it's "odd" to shower daily with your DC. Horses for courses and all that 🤷

Andanotherone01 · 12/06/2023 15:15

I think as a family we should be comfortable with nudity but completely acknowledge that some are more comfortable than others. I am comfortable being undressed around my DH and DDs 11 and 9. My husband is not comfortable being undressed in front of DDs.
Now I'm much older I have had to face up to the challenge of bathing my dad when he was dying of cancer and now regularly helping my mum to shower. It definitely helps that I am comfortable with the human body.

Joey2323 · 12/06/2023 15:49

Gymgoingfool · 12/06/2023 10:36

Oh for goodness sake. What a hyperbolic response. Children can see adults in real life, in the shops, on the streets, in schools. How in gods name will they think all men are muscular and well endowed and all women have tiny waists and big boobs. Clothes can disguise but not that much lol 😂😂😂

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Yes I was being a bit hyperbolic for effect. But if you never show a hint of nudity at home, the only naked adult bodies your child will see will be social media/shows like love island/porn.

Joey2323 · 12/06/2023 15:50

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 12/06/2023 11:19

Stretch marks
Saggy boobs/pecs/bellys
Excess skin
Scars
Birth marks
Pigmentation patches
Dry skin

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This!!!!!

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 12/06/2023 15:52

Joey2323 · 12/06/2023 15:50

This!!!!!

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Oh to add to this:
Body hair

justteanbiscuits · 12/06/2023 15:58

My (early teens) sons are more than welcome to not wander in my bedroom at any point! It will be their choice 100%. I don't walk into their bedroom naked, so I don't force it on them. But if they want to sit in my room and chat with me while I am getting dried / changed, then that is their choice. As long as they're comfortable, I'm not making an issue of it.

justteanbiscuits · 12/06/2023 16:24

Those that are concerned about people being "deliberately" naked in front of their children, or being so lazy they forget to avoid being naked in front of their children - what about the societies where family nakedness in, say, sauna's is perfectly normal?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 12/06/2023 16:29

Mine are 14 and 11 and might see me in the nip every so often. I don't go out of my way to be naked but if I go to the loo in the middle of the night or they come into my room without knocking and I'm naked!

I exercise caution and ensure I knock because I'm conscious they're more bothered about being naked in front of me rather than me in front of them!

StephanieSuperpowers · 12/06/2023 16:32

My 8 year old DD sees me naked regularly - but that's because she's always coming into my room when I'm dressing. I don't seek her out when I'm in the nude so I expect if she feels uncomfortable about it at some point, she'll stay out. Which I won't mind, I'd prefer a few minutes to myself but I don't want her to think that nakedness is embarrassing, so I put up with it.

Newname211 · 12/06/2023 16:39

Gymgoingfool · 12/06/2023 10:53

Nonsense.

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Such an enlightened response. Really cleared things up for us, thanks for taking the time to do so. We are forever in your debt.

Catsanfan · 12/06/2023 16:54

Same sex, whenever someone uncomfortable about it. Opposite sex about 11. My 10 year old is fine for us to see her naked, my 12 year old not even me

slithytoveisascientist · 12/06/2023 17:17

DS10 has wanted his privacy for a couple of years but doesn't yet seem bothered by me or his sister (8) being naked.

I don't intentionally do it - eg I don't go to his bedroom naked - but also don't stop him from coming into my room or bathroom if I'm naked or getting changed. I do warn him.

If he was uncomfortable I would expect him to amend his behaviour not me mine.

DD8 still fine with it and she is a very young 8. We still bath and shower together on occasion. When she wants her privacy she will have to shower in a swimsuit as she still needs me to wash her hair.

Catsanfan · 12/06/2023 17:19

To the poster who asked why there would ever be a need to be naked in front of your children, I often have pants on with my boobs out, as I have very dry skin and have to leave my moisturiser on for about 15 minutes to let it soak in. Its in the morning so not enough time to wait for it to soak in in the bathroom

SallyWD · 12/06/2023 17:21

I really think you just play it by ear. I had no set age in mind. I was often naked in front of the kids. Gradually I started to feel less comfortable about it. I can't remember when this was - maybe they were about 5.
Everyone's different though. My friend and her mum used to share a bath when she was 15. This was something I would never, ever have been comfortable with. Not because it's inappropriate but because I'm shy about my naked body and would NOT have wanted to see my mum naked when I was 15! However, my friend and her mum were both comfortable so that's fine in my opinion.

slithytoveisascientist · 12/06/2023 17:23

Conversely DH has never been naked in front of our kids to my knowledge and isn't keen on being topless, though he has got better with that over the years.

He doesn't really like to be naked in front of me either, we are very different in that respect!

stealthbanana · 12/06/2023 17:30

So fascinating the divergent views on this.

my kids (6&4) see me naked all the time, and will hop into a bath or bed with me too (I don’t wear pyjamas). They ask about my tampons and boobs and all sorts of things - I figure this is how they learn how bodies work. Neither have shown any hint of embarrassment, I just figure I’ll follow their lead.

StarlightLady · 12/06/2023 17:44

my own parents were always very relaxed about nudity. It has always been that way in the family.

I'ts important to remember that nudity is not se and sex is not nudity.

2bazookas · 12/06/2023 17:48

*Why would you ever be naked in front of your children?

Genuine question.*

Skinny dipping.

georgarina · 12/06/2023 17:52

My ex was 26 and still didn't have an issue changing/being in the bathroom with his mum (not in a prolonged way, just like opening the door to ask a question/grab a towel)

Quornflakegirl · 12/06/2023 18:00

Same gender, never. I still change in front of my mum and she would in front of me. I can imagine ever hiding my body from my daughters.

HareRaising · 12/06/2023 18:10

Spamlla · 11/06/2023 22:09

I think there’s always going to be some level of nudity between close family because you end up having to look after each other. After I had my c section my mother had to help me out of bed for a fortnight, she had to hold my breast and show me how to latch the baby on, and she had to check up my rear end when I thought DC had given me threadworms. When she thought she had a breast lump I had to examine it for her because she was scared. When I had a broken leg as a teenager my Dad had to lift me in and out of the bath, and when he had a hip replacement many years later I had to help him get in the shower and change his clothes. During Covid when appointments were online I had to photograph his arse and text it to the GP!

😱

Original poster
weirdas · 12/06/2023 21:16

Varying responses. My dd is an adult and we have always been comfortable with nudity on both sides. My ds is 7 and has Sen. I do get dressed in-front of him etc but I'm questioning if thats something I should stop doing at some point. He would nt necessarily have the communication/capability to raise it himself so I'm mindful of being respectful.

OP posts:
Dancingcandlesticks · 12/06/2023 23:40

onefinemess · 12/06/2023 08:32

Why would you ever be naked in front of your children?

Genuine question.

I hear this a lot, but cannot reason why it would ever be necessary.

There are multiple scenarios where it could happen if the parents were just lazy and didn't want to make any effort to cover themselves, but this just seems deliberate to me.

I'm struggling to think of ANY situation where it just can't be avoided and there's simply no alternative but to be naked in the same space as your children.

I think it’s a bit odd and would secretly think someone had body issues or very prudish if they claimed they had never been naked around young children.

You’d have to make a lot of effort to never be naked around a 2or3yr old for example! The only way I got a shower when mine were that age was by setting them up with bath toys at one end whilst I showered! To me it’s just normal and natural. Nothing to do with laziness.

Avondale89 · 12/06/2023 23:48

onefinemess · 12/06/2023 09:04

You could turn your back to them, quickly change as you would if you were on a beach, then sort your kids out.

Absolutely no need to deliberately be naked in front of them.

But why would you do this and teach them
that nudity is somehow shameful?