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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask if im being paranoid about this?

9 replies

cantundetp · 21/04/2023 15:44

My ex left me in pregnancy. He seemed to have struggled with the pregnancy (unplanned but kids were absolutely in our future, as far as I was aware and had been talked about a LOT). We’d been together a while and around 3 months in just became awful to me. I left, told him to get in touch when he wanted. I heard nothing for the entirety of my pregnancy, nothing after the birth, then when dc turned 6 months he began contact, began paying money into my account, asking if I had got it, saying he wanted to see dc, telling me about gifts he had bought. I invited him to see dc and he went silent, so I’ve heard nothing more. I was initially happy about the contact for DC’s sake but the last couple of days after confiding in friends they have said he’s a monster to waltz back like that and then to
still not have seen his child. I now feel really uncomfortable about his suddenly change in attitude. Am I right to feel uneasy? Should I go with it? Feel so conflicted because I want to do the best for dc.

OP posts:
Bookworm20 · 21/04/2023 16:01

Sorry but I suspect he has a new woman who is expressed concern over why he doesn't see his child, and he likely has told her you won't let him.
Hence him buying stuff for the baby - and not giving the stuff to you, sending money and sending messages asking for contact.
He can then show her the thinhgs he has bought and 'not been able' to give to baby, proof he 'pays', and proof he has requested to see baby.

If he is suddenly interested, buying stuff, sending money and you've encouraged him to see the baby - and yet he still hasn't, unfortunately I think its more plausible hes simply trying not to look like a class A shit to someone else.

Thepeopleversuswork · 21/04/2023 16:02

Bookworm20 · 21/04/2023 16:01

Sorry but I suspect he has a new woman who is expressed concern over why he doesn't see his child, and he likely has told her you won't let him.
Hence him buying stuff for the baby - and not giving the stuff to you, sending money and sending messages asking for contact.
He can then show her the thinhgs he has bought and 'not been able' to give to baby, proof he 'pays', and proof he has requested to see baby.

If he is suddenly interested, buying stuff, sending money and you've encouraged him to see the baby - and yet he still hasn't, unfortunately I think its more plausible hes simply trying not to look like a class A shit to someone else.

This. Or possibly his parents are putting pressure on him because they want access to their grandchild.

Bookworm20 · 21/04/2023 16:05

If I were you id' send one final message saying if he wants to be involved he can meet baby on such and such date, and if he still doesn't or comes back with an actual day he can which suits you, i'd just stop responding. Last thing your dc needs is a father who waltzes in and out of their life as they choose with zero consistency.
also apply to cms for maintenance, as I suspect the money he is now sending might stop as soon as he doesn't have to prove anything to anyone.

pimplebum · 21/04/2023 16:19

Can you leave a message on a landline ? Or write a letter to his house which is accidentally miss labeled so new wow an can open it and stating how much you would like him to be in his child's life but you are goi g to stop pushing it from X date onwards
Make it clear
Also make sure you get everything you are owed

kitsuneghost · 21/04/2023 16:19

Did I translate that right?
Were you pregnant within 3 months of being together with this man?

pimplebum · 21/04/2023 16:19
  • new woman
pimplebum · 21/04/2023 16:21

Did I translate that right?
Were you pregnant within 3 months of being together with this man?

No 3 months into the pregnancy is what I understand

kitsuneghost · 21/04/2023 16:22

pimplebum · 21/04/2023 16:21

Did I translate that right?
Were you pregnant within 3 months of being together with this man?

No 3 months into the pregnancy is what I understand

Ah OK
That makes more sense

Starhead69 · 21/04/2023 16:24

kitsuneghost · 21/04/2023 16:19

Did I translate that right?
Were you pregnant within 3 months of being together with this man?

@kitsuneghost I read it as 3 months into the pregnancy but had been together a while before that.

And pregnancy was an accident but she definitely thought children would be in their future

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