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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand how people live like this?

203 replies

girlfriend44 · 08/04/2023 15:24

I went round to someones house today and they were sat there in the living room, no window open, all dark and smoking and drinking. It was disgusting. Made my excuses and left. Cant understand how people can live like that? No kids in the house but even so. Some people are so unhealthy?

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 08/04/2023 15:26

Yeh that's horrible. Yanbu

YourVagesty · 08/04/2023 15:27

Were they all young men by any chance? I find groups of young men are oblivious to how antisocial all of the above is.

Like student guys usually.

waterlego · 08/04/2023 15:28

It’s not an environment I’d want to spend any time in- especially on a sunny afternoon; I wouldn’t have stayed either. But each to their own I suppose.

Original poster
girlfriend44 · 08/04/2023 15:28

YourVagesty · 08/04/2023 15:27

Were they all young men by any chance? I find groups of young men are oblivious to how antisocial all of the above is.

Like student guys usually.

No they werent.

OP posts:
Eggseggseverywhere · 08/04/2023 15:29

I judge those who keep curtains shut!

ApolloandDaphne · 08/04/2023 15:30

I'm a retired SW and I have been in loads of houses like that. It is grim and not great for the children living in dark, smoky, dirty conditions. I don't understand it either.

Weallgottachangesometime · 08/04/2023 15:30

Sounds horrible to me too, but people live In all sorts of horrible conditions for all sorts of complex reasons. My parents are hoarders - it can be really hard to understand the why.

Comfies · 08/04/2023 15:31

That does sound horrible. I don't know anyone who smokes indoors anymore.

Also would worry if someone started day drinking in a darkened room on their own of a weekend. Are they alright? Not that it's your problem to fix.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 08/04/2023 15:42

Eggseggseverywhere · 08/04/2023 15:29

I judge those who keep curtains shut!

Why? When we bought our first house it was winter and DH for a while had an early start, and I had flexible hours so travelled in with him to save on transport costs. As we were leaving the house before 6am we didn't open the curtains, got home in the dark so didn't open them when we got back.

We usually kept the blinds closed anyway as we had no front garden so people could, if they wanted, have a nose as they went past.

gamerchick · 08/04/2023 15:44

It's Easter, people are hanging loose. Just because it's not your kind of hanging loose. No kids in the house, the adults can do what they want.

I'm at work there's various pubs about. They're all heaving.

Hotcrossed · 08/04/2023 15:44

some people live different lives op
hard to believe

Maple2023 · 08/04/2023 15:45

Eggseggseverywhere · 08/04/2023 15:29

I judge those who keep curtains shut!

My kitchen blind is permanently shut - I have issues with ASB and kids, they come into my garden and bang/spit on the window, throw bottles etc so I keep it closed as it's currently all quiet. Don't want to open it and risk stuff starting up again

Windows open everywhere else though and blinds, but if you walked past you would just see that side

Phonemonkey2023 · 08/04/2023 15:48

Judgy pants.

MoreChilli · 08/04/2023 15:49

Do you know the person already? If so, was it really a shock to you? You must have already known that they smoke a lot and drink.

I’ve been in plenty of houses like this through work - often multiple dogs and visitors in and out too - but if I’d met the people socially then I’d have got a pretty good feel for their lifestyle anyway so certainly wouldn’t be all shocked and confused if I’d gone around to visit.

Spidey66 · 08/04/2023 15:49

I often close my blinds due the day as otherwise there is too much glare on the telly.

Judge away.

sst1234 · 08/04/2023 15:50

Watch the armchair diagnoses roll in now.

midnightblue12 · 08/04/2023 15:52

Eggseggseverywhere · 08/04/2023 15:29

I judge those who keep curtains shut!

Please don't 🙈

My curtains have been shut today because my front room is such a sun trap! Having the curtains shut doesn't shut out all the sunlight, but it makes being in the room lovely and cool and calm. No squinting or being uncomfortable!

It's actually very zen like with the curtains closed. Don't judge us all 😅

murasaki · 08/04/2023 15:54

My upstairs curtains are closed as Dp is having a nap. I am having a glass of wine and a fag while half watching Oliver! I've also just had an extended phone call with my sister re our mum's serious health issues and am about to re organise the freezer. I work full time in a stressful job and this is my holiday. Judge away.

Flowerly · 08/04/2023 15:56

Sounds horrible OP and I would have done what you did.

Puppers · 08/04/2023 15:58

sst1234 · 08/04/2023 15:50

Watch the armchair diagnoses roll in now.

Obviously nobody can make a diagnosis of anything based on the PP, but yes when I had crippling depression this was how I lived. It doesn’t take a genius (or an armchair psychologist) to consider that mental illness is one possibility.

There are lots of reasons people might live like this. Unfortunately people will tend to lead with judgement rather than compassion and understanding, as per PP’s comments.

Ourladycheesusedatum · 08/04/2023 15:58

Eggseggseverywhere · 08/04/2023 15:29

I judge those who keep curtains shut!

Well dont. There can be many reasons for not opening curtains
All the way from horrible depression that makes it seem unimportant to anti social behaviour where if the scrotes think you are inside they will start up again.
Many many other reasons but they are two I have lived with.

Puppers · 08/04/2023 15:58

*based on the OP

CordyLines · 08/04/2023 16:01

If their lifestyle only affects them and they are adults, who should care? I'd hate anyone to comment on the way I choose to live my life.

Freyja25 · 08/04/2023 16:02

Eggseggseverywhere · 08/04/2023 15:29

I judge those who keep curtains shut!

I have mine closed all day, due to having a child with sensory differences. They can’t stand the bright light.

JudgeRudy · 08/04/2023 16:05

ApolloandDaphne · 08/04/2023 15:30

I'm a retired SW and I have been in loads of houses like that. It is grim and not great for the children living in dark, smoky, dirty conditions. I don't understand it either.

NHS here. I've seem similar. It's not just children suffering. Smoke in particular affects pets too. People who live like this tend not to exercise their animals either. I've attended many homes where there's a yappy dog shut up in the kitchen during my visit. I always imagine they're yapping 'Help me, help me!'.
I think it's likely low level depression and anxiety.