To not understand how people live like this?

[girlfriend44]

I went round to someones house today and they were sat there in the living room, no window open, all dark and smoking and drinking. It was disgusting. Made my excuses and left. Cant understand how people can live like that? No kids in the house but even so. Some people are so unhealthy?

To honest if someone is a smoker, which by definition means voluntarily breathing in carcinogenic fumes, then opening a window isn’t really going to help them.

People are different to you. Shocker.

I judge people who judge how others keep their curtains.

I also judge those who choose to explain their lives to that person.

I think most people judge people who keep their curtains closed all day! It screams dodgy as/hoarders/drug den etc etc
But I'm guessing this is someone you know already, or she wouldn't have invited you around to her house, so not sure why the shock if she's enjoying a cider and spliff on a bh wkend. 😉

I don't smoke but I keep my curtains shut at the front all the time. I'm autistic and it's just how I am. How I like to be.

At the back there's no one behind me so I don't have anyone looking in so those curtains are open

My curtains are always closed, no mental health issues or terrible secrets. I just don't like nosey parkers!

I get that there may be reasons some people keep their curtains closed all the time but when I walk my dog I am always amazed at just how many people never seem to open their curtains.

In my village there are loads of houses that never have their curtains or blinds open in their living room and bedrooms. How on earth can you live in a house that is dark and gloomy? It's not about the sun shining in because I am talking year round

I’m in my 50s, and started office work in the 80s when people smoked at their desks. My mum smoked sat in our kitchen every day.

It’s different to you, it’s certainly not what I’d like - but it’s hardly really out there. A bit of to jump straight onto MN to bitch about them, I think.

Curtain twitchers like to see what others are doing in their house, so of course they judge those who don't make it easy for them by opening up their curtains.

Others don't notice whose curtains are drawn or not because they're busy living their own lives.

I detest smoking and rarely have a drink but these people were grown adults and able to do as they wished in their own home. Forty or fifty years ago it was common for adults to smoke incessantly without any ventilation. Cigarettes would be passed round like sweets. Horrible. I think it is far more noticeable now because far fewer people smoke. OP, you are not being unreasonable to dislike and leave a horrible, smoky atmosphere but you are being unreasonable to judge adults who live differently from you.

I don't like nosey parkers either which is why I have net curtains. Could never live in a dark dingy house as would find it so depressing. I like as much light as possible and as much sun

Well, there are about a dozen reasons given on this thread for why some people keep their curtains shut, so maybe stop being judgy, it doesn't "scream dodgy as" or anything. It tells you literally nothing about that person. Unless you're an unpleasant person who likes to look down on other people.

How on earth can you live in a house that is dark and gloomy?

I'm autistic. I like it.

I have light sensitivity in my eyes and I wear sunglasses if it's sunny

It stops the dog barking

People can't see in and judge me

I'm not dodgy nor a hoarder nor a drug dealer.

Sorry to disappoint you but I notice all the closed curtains when walking my dog. Not the slightest bit interested in looking into people's houses and, as I said, if they don't want anyone looking in get some nets. Not difficult is it

I'm not keen on curtains being closed in daytime if it makes the room pitch black and it's that way all day (assuming at home and not out at work etc). Exceptions are when sun comes around and blinds everyone in the room and height of summer when it's cooler to keep them closed to keep the house cooler- but usually people are out and about in the sun for part of the day anyway.

As I said, I get there are reasons SOME people keep their curtains closed but find it hard to believe so many of my neighbours are autistic or have light sensitivity

I don't have nets my cat shredded them.

Why on earth would anyone judge me for having curtains closed in my own house? My curtains are closed right now.

Who's asking you to understand? It's nothing to do with you. You don't need to understand.
Why are you even passing comment?

Why would I be disappointed? Good for you, I guess.

Anyway, one person's dark and gloomy is another person's dark and cozy.

This makes me so sad. Adults can choose to live in squalor but children and animals get no fucking choice. 😔

Nets might not be "difficult" but they are vile, ugly, horrible fabric that attract dirt and look tatty. People don't have to do what you tell them you know.

In my living room my big window has a blind and curtains, so I can pull the blind halfway down to block the sun but the room isn't dark.

I've just done a ten mile walk taking in three villages and I have no recollection of noticing anything about anyone's curtains. So I conclude you are nosey.

That's what I don't understand. It's literally nothing to do with anyone else.

I always have the curtains at the front shut I have awful anxiety and get nervous with people looking in hanging around out there etc keeping them shut stops panic, people have a lot of reasons for doing stuff you shouldn't judge without knowing them

Honestly, the amount of people who think they're entitled to chip in regarding other people's goings on...as if they haven't got any capacity to understand that some people have different preferences to them...like it comes as a shock and something to be suspicious of. It's a really small and frankly nosy way to think.

Don't want your curtains closed. Don't close them.
Don't like smoking. Don't smoke.

There's nothing to puzzle over or decipher. Get on with your day.