To not understand how people live like this?

[girlfriend44]

I went round to someones house today and they were sat there in the living room, no window open, all dark and smoking and drinking. It was disgusting. Made my excuses and left. Cant understand how people can live like that? No kids in the house but even so. Some people are so unhealthy?

PIL were like this. Every time we opened a door or window to let the smoke out they got up and shut it.
We stopped taking DC because it seemed pointless to spend a total of 4 hours in the car to have the DC stood at the open back door to be able to breathe. When DC older they declined to come at all, I rarely went and now PIL are no longer with us DH is upset I didn’t make the effort to visit them!

It's a beautiful day here. ALL of my windows and my patio doors have been open all day (apart from when I was out). I seem to be the only one in my neighbourhood like this. Next door all windows closed, across the road barely a window open in 10 houses. It will be interesting to see what it's like in summer.

YANBU

It’s so sad but it’s usually MH.

Contrary to a PP it’s usually women who live like this IME.

I do have the curtains and windows closed in one room and rarely open them because I have acquired an elderly relatives dog that doesn’t stop yapping if it sees someone and I don’t want the neighbours to have a dog barking at them every time they leave their front door.

I have a condition that means I struggle with bright lights,. when it is really sunny I have to keep.the curtains shut.

But judge away if it makes you feel good about yourself

I don’t smoke and when I did I never smoked with the windows closed else it would stink.

I’ve lived in my current home for 5 years, with the same set of neighbours. The one closest to me never ever has her windows or curtains open, no matter what time of year. I find it bizarre - my windows and doors are flung open as soon as temperatures allow and even in winter to air the house out. Our gardens are south facing so I’m not sure how they manage when temps rise, especially as they’ve converted the loft 🥵

no window open, all dark and smoking and drinking

You can't understand that someone doing this during the day and seems to think nothing of it might be struggling with things?

It's obvious this isn't a healthy way to live for anyone but you're befuddled that it might, perhaps, just maybe indicate that they're not in the most healthiest of mental spaces?

Child with Autism and is sensitive to sunlight coming through the living room. Try to keep it open when I can.no drinks or drugs and not dirty, maybe messy as kids will be kids but tidy and I can.

It wouldn’t be for me, but you say there were no kids and presumably everyone there was a fully functioning adult, so could have left if they wished to do so. So I wouldn’t really judge as such. I suppose (maybe a bit judgemental) I’d find it a bit sad, because growing up I knew a lot of houses like that and they weren’t often populated by really happy people.

My exdh aunt and uncle were like this. I only went in their house once and struggled to breath as they were both smoking in a small room drinking rum and Coke, it was about 2pm. I have no issues with how other people live, but it's not for me.

Does doing that make you feel better about yourself somehow?

My rescue cats need to stay indoors,
Neither would be safe outside so I don't open my windows.

It’s not a man thing, back in my student days I knew women who would do this too (mixed groups and just women).

I've got kittens and it's my biggest struggle since having them - windows and doors being closed or rooms shut away if the windows are open.

@Weallgottachangesometime

Your parents if they are hoarders it's now recognised as a severe mental health disorder based on a Traumatic or series of Trauma events in their lives often based on Adverse Crap childhood experiences for e.g CPSTD complex Post syndrome Traumatic Disorder ect or and other extreme mental disorders spectrum

Judge away but minus the smoking(swap for vaping) that was me yesterday. I've had hellava week so I spent the whole day drinking wine, curtains closed on the couch with Netflix. No small kids to look after. It was great.b

Did they know you were coming or did you just turn up?

I don't have a garden at the front of the house so every fucker walking past looks in. Some even stop to stare at my chonky dog. I had to buy thick net curtains, which I keep permanently shut, just so I can have some privacy in my own house.

I can just picture OP's pursed lips and disapproving, slapped-arse face.

I judge people like you OP

Why? I can honestly say I've never noticed. I keep mine shut a lot of the time, makes me feel cosy.

Well it's not how I would choose to spend my time personally, but how other people choose to spend their own time is up to them and none of my concern.

I also never open my curtains, I don't want every Tom, Dick and Harry who walks past staring in through my windows or the people on the opposite row of houses being able to see into my bedroom. We also have an idiotic cat who will climb out of the bedroom window and get stuck on the roof so don't open the upstairs windows unless it's very warm and that involves keeping the bedroom door barricaded shut to keep Death-Wish Cat safe from herself!

I mean, I don't like smoky rooms - never did when you were allowed to smoke everywhere. Was delighted when all the various legislation came in but what you seem to be judging here is fully functional adults choosing to relax in a different way from the way you would choose

Quite frankly, what adults do with their spare time in their own house really isn't something I can get worked up about.

As for the person judging people who might have curtains shut - there are no words.

Get out and live your own lives, and fret less about the shocking news that other people sometimes make different choices that don't impact on anyone else .

Too many variables and too little info.

Sounds horrible on such a sunny day. My main concern would be if there were children there, but as you said there wasn’t, I guess its up to the adult how they want to live. Very sad and unhealthy though on such a lovely day.

Weird of you.

I keep mine shut for various reasons - front bedroom because the street lamp shines in and across the landing and keeps me awake at night and I've got better things to do than open and shut curtains daily in a room I don't use. My bedroom because it's got a big window and in summer it gets too hot from the sun and in winter it gets cold. Also, why open curtains you only have to close again later?

Then the living room ones are shut from about 1pm as the sun comes round and in summer it's too hot, but it's also too bright to watch TV, work on the computer etc. Big window and double patio doors in living room and there's a footpath at the back of my house so I'm not keen on people seeing me sitting on my sofa.

I leave the kitchen blind up though, all the time.

I'm not sitting in the dark though, not until night time, there's still light and I can turn the actual lights on too. And I don't smoke.

We open ours all year (even in the freezing cold, will give it a quick blast of fresh air). Houses need fresh air every day to prevent mould/damp building up and for the air to circulate. I think our neighbours probably think we are crazy as we would still open them (for abit) if it was snowing 😂