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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wedding drama

317 replies

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:16

I am the maid of honour for a friend I've known since primary school. She has planned and replanned her wedding down to small details since she was 6. She is having three weddings, one in the US and two big ones in London (one will include everyone and the second will include only close friends).

I am expected to be in attendance or helping her from 6am that day till the wedding ends in the early hours of the next morning.

My husband will be coming with my daughter who just turned three for the church bit from 10am till the end of dinner. She is the flower girl so she cannot come any later. She normally takes her nap at 1pm for approximately one hour after lunch.

I know the bride was offered a honeymoon suite so asked if my daughter could nap there for one hour during one of the intermissions. She seemed very upset and said no. I didn't take it personally and moved on quickly and booked a hotel room nearby in another building. I figured that she wouldn't be using it at that time (she will be taking wedding photos) so it may not be a big deal but I didn't expect her to feel so insulted.

She's been telling everyone how cheeky and entitled I am. She shouldn't have even been put in such an awkward position. Also she kept emphasising that it's called the honeymoon suite for a reason and recounts the story every time we meet up as a group. I asked without thinking and I apologised. I was not offended or upset when she said no but she won't really let this go. She asked me what kind of tone deaf best friend would ask for the a newly wed couple's honeymoon suite.

I feel like a jerk but I don't know what I can do since I've already apologised. I've also organised & spent over two thousand pounds on her hen night. It had all of her dream activities in and she said it was perfect. I paid for my own bridesmaid dress because she said that the wedding is costing a lot so I offered to cover my own costs so as to not be a burden. I have also been at her beck and call without complaints re the wedding planning for two years. I've attended monthly meetings with her so I've also given up a lot of my time. Am I being unreasonable to think that she should just accept my apology and move on. I was thoughtless. I've learned my lesson. I don't know what else she wants from me.

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 08/04/2023 22:04

hope it went ok op

Goodfood1 · 09/04/2023 06:52

Hope it wasn't all too stressful and that you and dd and dh managed to enjoy it

Emotionalstorm · 09/04/2023 11:03

MyMumIsOnMN · 05/04/2023 04:34

Congratulations on your huge change in your financial situation. Care to share how you achieved it?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4753001-can-we-talk-about-clothing-brands-and-target-demographics?page=9&reply=124422512

I haven't changed my budget. I still buy from clothes from Toast, Tibi and Sezane. I still can't afford to buy the designer handbags I want since my husband's money isn't my money.

OP posts:
Emotionalstorm · 09/04/2023 11:08

Goodfood1 · 09/04/2023 06:52

Hope it wasn't all too stressful and that you and dd and dh managed to enjoy it

Yes the wedding was very nice. The bride admitted she behaved badly and said it was due to stress and having a lot on her plate (her mum was causing lots of problems and her work life wasn't going well so she felt like the wedding was the only area of her life she had control over). I accepted her apology and told her I was handing over the admin responsibilities for her US wedding. She was not happy about it but accepted it.

OP posts:
Emotionalstorm · 09/04/2023 11:13

FYI she did not put up any resistance and folded the moment there was any pushback.

OP posts:
ColdAsAWitchsTit · 09/04/2023 11:23

Well done for standing up for yourself. Sounds like a good outcome.

KettrickenSmiled · 09/04/2023 11:56

Phew, OP. Well handled. You must feel SO relieved.

Keep a weather eye on this friend though - don't be too quick to buy her excuses. Remember how coldly & deliberately she tried to trash you -
She's been telling everyone how cheeky and entitled I am.

That's not a stress reaction - that's outright bitchery.

FYI she did not put up any resistance and folded the moment there was any pushback.
😂Bullies usually do.
It's a revelation, standing up to one innit?!

billy1966 · 09/04/2023 13:20

Well done OP.

However, she is NOT your friend.

Friends don't repeatedly bad mouth each other after such a perfectly reasonable request with the intention to humiliate.

Her excuses are absolutely hollow IMO.

She is stressed and her go to is to be as nasty as possible towards you and to humiliate you repeatedly?

This is not normal behaviour and it really isn't healthy/normal to accept such treatment like this, from ANYONE in your life.

She is a user and I would be very wary of her going forward.

No one needs friends as nasty as she is very comfortable being towards you.

ThinWomansBrain · 09/04/2023 13:29

Just tell her that you don't think you were being unreasonable, but you have apologised as she was upset by the conversation - and if she brings it up a single time more, you will not be going to the wedding and will send her the bill for all out of pocket expenses to date.

ToWhitToWhoo · 09/04/2023 14:33

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 02:48

Another one walking all over you then. Get serious help. This is the most insane thread I have read re a wedding on here. Do not go to the USA. Don’t know why I am bothering to even type this as you absolutely will go and this bitch will be walking all over you for the rest of your life. Good luck with organising her divorce for her 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Not remotely comparable. OK, the dd and the bride may both be acting like three-year-olds. But in the dd's case, it's because she IS a three-year-old. The bride does not have that excuse!

ToWhitToWhoo · 09/04/2023 14:46

Glad you've got things to some extent sorted. But I wouldn't trust this 'friend' too much in the future. Being 'under stress' is a very over-used excuse; it might be to some extent an excuse for rudeness and snappishness, but NOT for bad-mouthing you to others. And she seems to be a real user: you are useful to her because you are (comparatively) rich and generous. If you didn't have the money and/or time, or weren't able or willing to spend it on her, then I fear she would lose interest. She may have been lovely in the past, but people do change. And there is something very extreme about her obsession - since age 6!- with planning her wedding. When her wedding parties are over, will she get divorced so that she can have some more weddings?! Will it end up as 'Fifteen Weddings and Five Divorces'?

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/04/2023 14:54

I am glad you’ve had a small amount of recognition for the nastiness. Even if you have / have had a change of heart and decide for a more distant friendship with her, I take it you’re still not going to the US. You do need that boundary at the very least.

diddl · 09/04/2023 14:56

So will you be going to the US wedding now?

whynotwhatknot · 09/04/2023 18:11

Glad it went ok shes still out of order to keep going on at you

Magicmama92 · 11/04/2023 15:24

Hi my 3 year old was flower girl and needed a nap.
Luckily a wedding guest offered her room.
Anyone saying kids manage remember that it's a long day for younger kids and some do need a nap depending on the time they got up.
My daughter wouldnt sleep well on our knee either.
I'm getting married in November and I wouldnt have a problem with a kid having a nap in our room. But I'm not really one of those girls who's obsessed with my wedding. Don't get me wrong I'm excited but I just want everyone to be comfy and have a good time not bankrupt themselves or struggle with anything.
Personally I'd back out not just over this but how she's treating you is wrong after all you've done. She's being selfish and not appreciated anything you've done. Most friends would just be like I'd rather her nap elsewhere and move on if it's an issue aswell not be moaning to everyone over it.

Newestname002 · 11/04/2023 23:51

@Emotionalstorm

Of course, I will not be involved in the US one anymore. I've done enough organising for her.

Thank GOODNESS!!! Don't back down or be guilt tripped though - people will tend to treat you in the way you allow them to. You are done!🌹

ThreeBittyOnes · 12/04/2023 20:50

Ask her "what can I do to make this right?". I agree with everyone that your friend is treating you terribly but since your request was for advice on what to do, that's what I would do. She's the only one who can tell you what will make this all go away for her.

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