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Original poster

Wedding drama

317 replies

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:16

I am the maid of honour for a friend I've known since primary school. She has planned and replanned her wedding down to small details since she was 6. She is having three weddings, one in the US and two big ones in London (one will include everyone and the second will include only close friends).

I am expected to be in attendance or helping her from 6am that day till the wedding ends in the early hours of the next morning.

My husband will be coming with my daughter who just turned three for the church bit from 10am till the end of dinner. She is the flower girl so she cannot come any later. She normally takes her nap at 1pm for approximately one hour after lunch.

I know the bride was offered a honeymoon suite so asked if my daughter could nap there for one hour during one of the intermissions. She seemed very upset and said no. I didn't take it personally and moved on quickly and booked a hotel room nearby in another building. I figured that she wouldn't be using it at that time (she will be taking wedding photos) so it may not be a big deal but I didn't expect her to feel so insulted.

She's been telling everyone how cheeky and entitled I am. She shouldn't have even been put in such an awkward position. Also she kept emphasising that it's called the honeymoon suite for a reason and recounts the story every time we meet up as a group. I asked without thinking and I apologised. I was not offended or upset when she said no but she won't really let this go. She asked me what kind of tone deaf best friend would ask for the a newly wed couple's honeymoon suite.

I feel like a jerk but I don't know what I can do since I've already apologised. I've also organised & spent over two thousand pounds on her hen night. It had all of her dream activities in and she said it was perfect. I paid for my own bridesmaid dress because she said that the wedding is costing a lot so I offered to cover my own costs so as to not be a burden. I have also been at her beck and call without complaints re the wedding planning for two years. I've attended monthly meetings with her so I've also given up a lot of my time. Am I being unreasonable to think that she should just accept my apology and move on. I was thoughtless. I've learned my lesson. I don't know what else she wants from me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:42

onlyk · 04/04/2023 01:39

Have you highlighted to her that you have apologised and she said she had accepted your apology so why keep bringing it up?

she sounds like she’s being unreasonable and you’re being expected to be the unpaid wedding planner (hopefully you’re not on the hook money wise for any of the reservations in your name as she’s likely to go over budget).

if she keeps it up offer to step back and just come as a guest and leave her to manage her own wedding.

No her in laws are paying for the wedding so they've paid and they would never leave me with the bill.

OP posts:
Pencilsaremylife · 04/04/2023 01:44

Your friend has taken being a Bridezilla to an Olympic Sport level. 3 weddings! Honestly if someone called me cheeky and entitled after giving so much time and effort over the last 2 years I’d be saying enough is enough. Hand over any paperwork, emails whatever ( though god only knows why arrangements are in your name for her wedding) to her and walk away.
i didn’t put in this much effort for my own wedding no way I’d do it for someone else’s.

Original poster
Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:45

Nanny0gg · 04/04/2023 01:41

What friendship is there to lose?

And can you afford all this nonsense? What does your husband think?

Show quote history

He keeps telling me he's never liked her but he will support me regardless of what I decide to do. He's also helped with the wedding (it's a lot of work since there are over 200 guests and three separate events). He told me he did it for me. I'm so lucky to have him.

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 01:46

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:41

Thank you. I've started crying while writing this message. I feel like the friendship is probably more important to me than it is to her and it hurts.

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No OP, you are a golden calf to this user. She will be looking for you long before you are looking for her. Users like this like to try and convince their victim that they need to jump through hoops to keep their ‘amazing’ friendship. Again, what did she do for your wedding? She sounds narcissistic and narcissists are always insecure. She builds herself up through your devotion and sorry but you must have pretty low self esteem to put up with this.

Nanny0gg · 04/04/2023 01:46

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:45

He keeps telling me he's never liked her but he will support me regardless of what I decide to do. He's also helped with the wedding (it's a lot of work since there are over 200 guests and three separate events). He told me he did it for me. I'm so lucky to have him.

Show quote history

You are

Now listen to what he has to say - he's clearly got her measure

CockSpadget · 04/04/2023 01:48

She saw you coming didn’t she. You need to woman up and tell her straight, that if she mentions it again, she can stick her wedding and honeymoon suite up her arse.

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 01:48

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:45

He keeps telling me he's never liked her but he will support me regardless of what I decide to do. He's also helped with the wedding (it's a lot of work since there are over 200 guests and three separate events). He told me he did it for me. I'm so lucky to have him.

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I’ve been a bridesmaid several times. I’ve never had to do anything like you have done nor have I ever known any one to do as much as you. None of my partners were ever involved beyond turning up in a suit. It’s ridiculous.

Original poster
Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:48

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 01:39

Are you all millionaires? What did she do for your wedding?

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I eloped. The bridesmaids paid £600 ish. I covered the bride's share of the bill (I booked her a nicer room) and also paid for all the hen do accessories, and subsidized her mum and sister since they couldn't afford to go.

OP posts:
FranksOcean · 04/04/2023 01:51

You are a doormat

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 01:51

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:48

I eloped. The bridesmaids paid £600 ish. I covered the bride's share of the bill (I booked her a nicer room) and also paid for all the hen do accessories, and subsidized her mum and sister since they couldn't afford to go.

Show quote history

What did she do after you came back? Did she arrange a little party or celebration for you? What was her wedding present to you? Sorry OP but you’ve been an absolute mug here. I cannot believe you have paid for all this. If this prick is having three separate weddings (declassé and so f/ing boring) she could afford to fund her own mum and sister.

Original poster
Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:52

CockSpadget · 04/04/2023 01:48

She saw you coming didn’t she. You need to woman up and tell her straight, that if she mentions it again, she can stick her wedding and honeymoon suite up her arse.

I will do this. If she doesn't accept it then I don't think there's anything to salvage. I don't like how I am when I'm with her currently. I really don't do this with anyone else. I think it's because I've known her for so long and she has been supportive when I went through a tough patch.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:54

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 01:51

What did she do after you came back? Did she arrange a little party or celebration for you? What was her wedding present to you? Sorry OP but you’ve been an absolute mug here. I cannot believe you have paid for all this. If this prick is having three separate weddings (declassé and so f/ing boring) she could afford to fund her own mum and sister.

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There wasn't anything from her. I wasn't expecting anything since I didn't have a party or invite anyone to the ceremony. Her in laws are paying for the wedding. She told me her mother in law is very snooty so I think she hides her family's financial situation from her.

OP posts:
Pencilsaremylife · 04/04/2023 01:55

At my wedding my niece was my flower girl and she napped in our honeymoon suite while photos were being taken, we got the ones with her in them done first. Also our page bay used the room for some quiet time when he was getting a bit overwhelmed by the whole day. It’s just a fancy room not a Bridezilla’s shrine to true love.

SpookyBlackCat · 04/04/2023 01:55

I think just get through the wedding, then pull back a bit and think about everything, how she treated you, how much you gave and maybe try and make some new friends.

Of course you have done nothing wrong by asking to use her room. A true friend would have said yes without a second thought. You deserve better than her.

BadLad · 04/04/2023 01:56

planned and replanned her wedding down to small details since she was 6

having three weddings

monthly meetings

Christ Almighty, what a nutter.

Original poster
Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:59

BadLad · 04/04/2023 01:56

planned and replanned her wedding down to small details since she was 6

having three weddings

monthly meetings

Christ Almighty, what a nutter.

All our common friends are really nice. They all acted like it was normal so I guess I didn't think too much about it until it all became too much. All that American TV I watched as a kid also normalised it I guess haha.

OP posts:
Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 02:00

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:54

There wasn't anything from her. I wasn't expecting anything since I didn't have a party or invite anyone to the ceremony. Her in laws are paying for the wedding. She told me her mother in law is very snooty so I think she hides her family's financial situation from her.

Show quote history

I have had a number of friends who eloped, I always got them a wedding present and if they didn’t organise a party themselves took the bride and groom out to dinner on me. Your ‘friend’ is a cheeky, using bitch. Who cares what her MIL thinks. That’s doesn’t explain why she couldn’t pay for her own mother and sister to attend her hen do and sorry I just do not believe that. You have so many excuses for this woman OP it’s no wonder she has gotten away with absolute murder

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 02:03

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 01:59

All our common friends are really nice. They all acted like it was normal so I guess I didn't think too much about it until it all became too much. All that American TV I watched as a kid also normalised it I guess haha.

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Think we all probably watched the same tv, it wasn’t normalised to me. If any woman told me they had planned their wedding since they were six I would laugh in their face. Also three weddings is M A D. Your other friends haven’t said anything because they know she is bonkers and probably dgaf about her drama to the extent you do.

Original poster
Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 02:03

SpookyBlackCat · 04/04/2023 01:55

I think just get through the wedding, then pull back a bit and think about everything, how she treated you, how much you gave and maybe try and make some new friends.

Of course you have done nothing wrong by asking to use her room. A true friend would have said yes without a second thought. You deserve better than her.

Yes I will have a talk with her about not publicly shaming me between now and the wedding. Then I will pull back after.

I guess I hesitated for so long because I keep remembering what our friendship used to be like in school. My dad was in a car accident when I was in secondary school and she went with me to the hospital after school every day. I got so distracted because I was worried about him that I got told off in class all the time that year. She always gave me a copy of her notes and checked in to make sure I was okay.

OP posts:
Unrealnotunrealistic · 04/04/2023 02:03

OP, you sound lovely, and are very lucky to have met your OH. Get through the wedding nonsense and start grey rocking the bridezilla. She has been so mean and disadvantageous to you. Good luck!

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 02:05

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 02:03

Yes I will have a talk with her about not publicly shaming me between now and the wedding. Then I will pull back after.

I guess I hesitated for so long because I keep remembering what our friendship used to be like in school. My dad was in a car accident when I was in secondary school and she went with me to the hospital after school every day. I got so distracted because I was worried about him that I got told off in class all the time that year. She always gave me a copy of her notes and checked in to make sure I was okay.

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OP this is bare minimum stuff. Not amazing friend stuff. From the sound of her she probably just likes being in the middle of the drama.

AffableApple · 04/04/2023 02:08

My friend could have had anything she wanted for her little son, my page boy, at my wedding. I was grateful to have him, and looking very cute, and in the best possible humour. Children have needs. (She won't forgive you for something minor your daughter is perceived to do on the day btw. I'd pull out now.)

Fraaahnces · 04/04/2023 02:09

“Listen Bridezilla, so far I have spent more than two grand on your wedding. The least you could do is be gracious and not try and humiliate me. I’ve been very patient so far and tolerated a lot, but I will not allow you to humiliate me so you can get extra attention. Pull your head in and think about what’s really important here.”

Original poster
Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 02:11

Eyerollcentral · 04/04/2023 02:05

OP this is bare minimum stuff. Not amazing friend stuff. From the sound of her she probably just likes being in the middle of the drama.

Show quote history

It might be the minimum but no one else did it at the time and I appreciated it a lot.

Btw this doesn't mean I have changed my mind. I will still tell her I won't be attending if she continues publicly shaming me and distance myself after the wedding. The person she has been since 2021 is completely different from the friend from my memories.

OP posts:
MayThe4th · 04/04/2023 02:12

Assuming this is real, you’re a mug.

I can only assume that you struggle to make friends given how desperate you are to hold on to what essentially a one sided friendship.

chances are she’ll ditch you anyway after the wedding given how openly she’s already putting you down, so I’d get in there first.
oh, and I’d cancel the hen night to get my two grand back and tell her to get the next mug to arrange it.

and I’d give the marriage a year. IME the more superficial and OTT the wedding, the shorter the marriage.