Wedding drama

[Emotionalstorm]

I am the maid of honour for a friend I've known since primary school. She has planned and replanned her wedding down to small details since she was 6. She is having three weddings, one in the US and two big ones in London (one will include everyone and the second will include only close friends).

I am expected to be in attendance or helping her from 6am that day till the wedding ends in the early hours of the next morning.

My husband will be coming with my daughter who just turned three for the church bit from 10am till the end of dinner. She is the flower girl so she cannot come any later. She normally takes her nap at 1pm for approximately one hour after lunch.

I know the bride was offered a honeymoon suite so asked if my daughter could nap there for one hour during one of the intermissions. She seemed very upset and said no. I didn't take it personally and moved on quickly and booked a hotel room nearby in another building. I figured that she wouldn't be using it at that time (she will be taking wedding photos) so it may not be a big deal but I didn't expect her to feel so insulted.

She's been telling everyone how cheeky and entitled I am. She shouldn't have even been put in such an awkward position. Also she kept emphasising that it's called the honeymoon suite for a reason and recounts the story every time we meet up as a group. I asked without thinking and I apologised. I was not offended or upset when she said no but she won't really let this go. She asked me what kind of tone deaf best friend would ask for the a newly wed couple's honeymoon suite.

I feel like a jerk but I don't know what I can do since I've already apologised. I've also organised & spent over two thousand pounds on her hen night. It had all of her dream activities in and she said it was perfect. I paid for my own bridesmaid dress because she said that the wedding is costing a lot so I offered to cover my own costs so as to not be a burden. I have also been at her beck and call without complaints re the wedding planning for two years. I've attended monthly meetings with her so I've also given up a lot of my time. Am I being unreasonable to think that she should just accept my apology and move on. I was thoughtless. I've learned my lesson. I don't know what else she wants from me.

I went NC with a girl I'd been 'best friends' with since school whilst she was wedding planning and I've never looked back! I'm generally an easy going person and can be a bit of a people pleaser...unfortunately, she mistook this for me being a total pushover. The friendship was always on the verge of this once we became adults to be honest but once she started wedding planning, it got totally out of hand! She started out with 4 bridesmaids (including me) and by the time the big day came around, she was down to 1 😂that bridesmaid lives about 6hr drive away and only sees her once/twice a year so that explains how she managed to stick it out. Of course, we were all awful friends and her Mum said some horrible things about us on Facebook...wonder where she gets her entitlement from eh?!
I don't feel even the slightest bit guilty about cutting her off and have plenty of actual friends around me. She sent a message fairly recently trying to guilt trip me saying she's had a child and wants me to be part of their life again...seeeeee ya!!

Her kid is 3, she isn't walking all over her mother by being a kid. 3 yo are known for being inflexible dictators. They grow our of it

I think you should bullet point everything in a list to ensure that she really sees all that you have done for her when you tell her to sling her hook!

Btw, I don’t think it was anything bad at all to have asked for that room for an hour! Most reasonable people would have said “of course you can use it! Just straighten the bed again when you’re leaving would you?” She is incredibly ungracious to keep bringing it up!

This is unbelievable, she is emotionally & financially manipulating both her new husband and doing the same you.

Have you actually added up the cost of the hen do,the flights, the dress etc. It doesn't matter if you can afford it, it's still a hugely inconsiderate ask of anyone. (Your husband must be an incredibly patient man not to all time on this bullshit).

Not to mention being the unpaid wedding planer for 3 weddings.

She is a self absorbed manipulative cow who is using you. Stop allowing her to do so.

The other bridesmaids aren't busy or scatty. They just have better boundaries.

I do think some therapy would be helpful so your lovely little daughter doesn’t end up walking all over you!

She's not a friend. You've done nothing wrong. Shes a selfish drama queen who doesn't deserve you. You've gone out of your way for her and she's not appreciating you at all by bringing up the nap every time she sees you. Save your friendships for people who deserve you. Life's to short for this crap.

have only read OPs posts. I would withdraw from the wedding and ultimately slowly but surely, with no drama, from the friendship.

She's having 3 weddings, a hen-do that involves a weekend away, afternoon tea, spa days etc... and yet she made you buy your own bridesmaid dress because she's so poor so can't afford it? I'm sorry @Emotionalstorm, she's using you for your money!!

When people put so much into the wedding they tend to forget the whole point in all this is to actually get married. I give this marriage 12 months at a push. She sounds a nightmare.

As for asking to use her hotel room meh I guess it is a bit weird in that your daughter would be kipping on their bed that will have been made up for them. During my wedding we had some time where people were mingling etc so we snuck off to the wedding suite to make sure the marriage was "official" 😉 only to find my mum and aunty in there just hanging out 🤣. They didn't leave when we got there either. So yes chances are the bride and groom may want to pop back to their own room in the day, maybe not for a shag but they might actually want to have 5 min alone out the way, I know we did and people seemed to think our room was for everyone to use. My sister took a load of guests up there too and just sat in there drinking, it was a huge suite and very nice, but meant for us!

Your friend does sound like she's lost all sense of reality though with how demanding she's being with everything else, you've been way too accommodating with all this.

I'd snap next time she mentions it, in front of friends or not. I'd have a rant along the lines of....

you're sorry once again for asking but you've really put yourself out there and done your best to help her with the wedding and whilst you acknowledge that you shouldn't have asked for that favour, youve apologised and its wearing thin to have her bringing it up like some kind of anecdote about how shit you are when you've bent over backwards to make it the best day of her life and it would be nice if after everything you've done for her she could show some good grace and forgive you and act like a proper friend and move on rather than slagging you off to all and sundry because it takes the piss.

After everything you've done she could accept an apology and move on discreetly rather than glorifying in making you out to be so awful.

Assuming that Mr Bridezilla's family have a lot of money and she's already adapted to their lifestyle. And, OP, if you have always had more money/resources than her, she may be trying to copy you?

But anyway. I'm with the "fuck off, no not you, Mr Bridezilla, you can stay" camp.

But go to the wedding first, wear elasticated trousers and eat and drink for England and have a right old knees up with your schoolfriends. Then dump her.

On the plus side, the person she's really publicly shaming is herself. If someone I knew kept complaining about how her bridesmaid asked if her toddler flower girl could possibly use her room if she needed a nap, it's not the mother that I'd be appalled by.

Bizarre.

I still a bit grumpy about a wedding I was bridesmaid at last year, where I had to do essentially a full day of genuine physical labour to sort out everything on the wedding day. I actually missed huge chunks of everything because I was laying places, moving trays of plates, serving drinks etc.

The thing that bugged me the most was that my bridesmaids - including her - were my favourite people at my wedding. The ones I wanted to have the most fun. The last ones I'd want to spend the day running back and forth from the kitchen.

She had a big guestlist too, and I bet that like yours, she could have ditched 25 less important people and hired the right number of fucking staff.

I would say go, make sure you outrageously enjoy the food and drink to the full extent, and be accidentally unavailable for the bride's demands.

Consider it payback for the last two years of monthly meetings.

😂😂😂 like fuck would I be considering anyone’s wedding photos when deciding if I want them in my life anymore! Don’t want your photos ruined? Then don’t be a prick to people.

As soon as I read your friend was having 3 weddings, I already thought they sounded a twat. After reading further, it has cemented it for me.

If it was me I'd pull her to one side and say 3 weddings (and a funeral) or not, please stop bringing it up. I've already apologised for asking and it should be left there. And I'd ask why she kept bringing it up in front of everyone. If she couldn't stop and give me a reason then I wouldn't be going to any of her bloody 3 weddings. Sounds so entitled. You don't have to be at bridezillas beck and call.

All of the above,

And frankly I'd just walk away from this asap. If necessary, be very ill and unable to complete MoH duties - let her find another sap.

*I asked her what sort of things she wanted to do for her hen night and everything on the list she gave me was really expensive.I

I bet it was! She's a user.

Get back as much money as you can. Take her to the small claims court for the remainder. Be prepared to write it off.

And on a slightly different note - three weddings? THREE?!!!!! 😦

Even the Markles only had two.

Don't do the same for her next wedding. I would bet everything I had that this marriage will not last. Every person I have ever met who was this obsessed about the wedding has divorced as soon as life goes back to normal and they are not the centre of everything.

You sound almost just like me and my ex bestie. We had a very equal friendship before she got engaged, friends since school. But once she started planning the big day she had a personality change. Like you I was a mug and besides spending too much time I also spent way too much money. After spending thousands on bridal shower, hens night, hair and make up trials and bridesmaid dress/shoes etc... I gave a gift as a wedding present instead of money. She was livid. Thought I was a complete cheapskate and disrespecting her.

Anyway... moving on, I thought our friendship would go back to the way it was before the wedding planning - nope - she still expected everything to be about her, expecting me to drop everything for her and seemed to have this entitlement for me paying for her whenever we went out because I earned more than her. Nothing was ever good enough. I sucked it up during the wedding planning because it was her special time and I wanted to be a good friend/bridesmaid, but I wasn't going to keep putting up with that treatment after the wedding.

After she chucked a massive trantrum in front of my friends and family at my birthday get together - because she felt I'd not paid her enough attention and didn't thank her enough for my birthday gift from her - I pulled away from the friendship. A few times over the years since, she has reached out and says she misses our friendship. But I just wish her well and leave at like that.

She's the one that has lost a good friend. I lost someone who took advantage of me and treated me poorly.
Sometimes friendships run their course.

Sorry - missed the emboldening above.

I asked her what sort of things she wanted to do for her hen night and everything on the list she gave me was really expensive.

I know quite a few people who "life long friendship" has not survived a wedding!
I think you need to re set yourself now before the wedding. If she mentions it again tell yourself " the moment to tell her what a self absorbed idiot will come after the wedding". "If she could her herself she wouldn't say all that"

When I got married, we told the hotel to give the "honeymoon suite" to my friends, because their kids wouldn't fit in other rooms. We had an ordinary (but very nice) hotel room and I've never given it another thought - our wedding was about our marriage, our love and our pals, not about some weird bid for alpha female status.

OP - this thread is very outing and likely to end up in the Daily Mail!
Hope you're prepared for that.

Can you imagine what this woman is going to be like when she is pregnant?

OP, your friend is a selfish and self-obsessed arse!

In your shoes, I would send her a link to this thread and then say read it.

She will either apologise and make changes or not. She needs the wake up call though!