Wedding drama

[Emotionalstorm]

I am the maid of honour for a friend I've known since primary school. She has planned and replanned her wedding down to small details since she was 6. She is having three weddings, one in the US and two big ones in London (one will include everyone and the second will include only close friends).

I am expected to be in attendance or helping her from 6am that day till the wedding ends in the early hours of the next morning.

My husband will be coming with my daughter who just turned three for the church bit from 10am till the end of dinner. She is the flower girl so she cannot come any later. She normally takes her nap at 1pm for approximately one hour after lunch.

I know the bride was offered a honeymoon suite so asked if my daughter could nap there for one hour during one of the intermissions. She seemed very upset and said no. I didn't take it personally and moved on quickly and booked a hotel room nearby in another building. I figured that she wouldn't be using it at that time (she will be taking wedding photos) so it may not be a big deal but I didn't expect her to feel so insulted.

She's been telling everyone how cheeky and entitled I am. She shouldn't have even been put in such an awkward position. Also she kept emphasising that it's called the honeymoon suite for a reason and recounts the story every time we meet up as a group. I asked without thinking and I apologised. I was not offended or upset when she said no but she won't really let this go. She asked me what kind of tone deaf best friend would ask for the a newly wed couple's honeymoon suite.

I feel like a jerk but I don't know what I can do since I've already apologised. I've also organised & spent over two thousand pounds on her hen night. It had all of her dream activities in and she said it was perfect. I paid for my own bridesmaid dress because she said that the wedding is costing a lot so I offered to cover my own costs so as to not be a burden. I have also been at her beck and call without complaints re the wedding planning for two years. I've attended monthly meetings with her so I've also given up a lot of my time. Am I being unreasonable to think that she should just accept my apology and move on. I was thoughtless. I've learned my lesson. I don't know what else she wants from me.

Your friend is awful. No good advice. Has she always been so self centred.

Your friend sounds like a dick!

This woman is completely obsessed with herself. Stop being a doormat for dickheads. Also your daughter’s life will not fall apart because her nap is on her father’s knee at a reception or indeed if she doesn’t have a nap that day. Regardless, your friend is a grade a arseh0le

I would be backing out, and not apologising for doing so. There are times when you have to say enough is enough, and this is one of them. She is treating you appalling, and I for one would not be able to stand there like a mug on her absurd wedding day.

No she will just be really grumpy in the evening so might not be compliant for pictures or when guests talk to her. Anyway she has a place to nap now so it's not a problem. She isn't very good at sleeping in noisy places. I've not been very good at training her to do that but I can't fix that before the wedding.

That would be horrific for my friend since all the reservations are coordinated by me and are in my name and I just can't do that to her. If she doesn't go back to normal after her wedding day I will be distancing myself. I am hoping this is just a short term bridezilla thing.

You've spent TWO GRAND on a self-centred piece of work??

No she is usually normal; not especially empathetic but not this bad. She has been really awful since she got engaged. She refuses to talk about anything apart from weddings. When I mentioned that I was renovating my kitchen she told me she is only interested in weddings at the moment and doesn't want to talk about anything else.

Why on EARTH have you spent two grand on this spoilt twat? I’d have ditched her years ago.

Young children generally cope at weddings. If they are tired enough they will sleep anywhere tbh. That’s a side issue though, why have you let this woman walk all over you? Have you got a problem with boundaries? Every one in your life seems to come first bar you. That’s a bad way to live.

I asked her what sort of things she wanted to do for her hen night and everything on the list she gave me was really expensive. It involved weekends abroad, spa visits, afternoon tea etc.

You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong! A few times I’ve been to weddings the bride has offered me their room to feed/change my baby, in fact once there was the bride doing makeup touch ups, two of us feeding and one changing. It’s totally fine she said no but to be holding onto it is ridiculous. I totally get why you don’t want to pull out of the wedding now but I’m afraid I might be ill for some of the parts of it - the bits I could get a refund on maybe?!

And I covered her share of the hen night entirely by myself so it wouldn't price out some of the guests.

Oh my goodness!! Are you supposed to keep a list of things you might have liked to converse about in the last two years for the week after the wedding, this isn’t a friendship, I'm
so sorry you’re having to deal with this.

Why would you do that??

Even if filthy rich I would expect the other guests to pay their way. And the bride would not be getting everything she demanded asked for

Think you meant to reply to another poster but regardless OP, who cares? The bride wouldn’t gaf about you if the shoe was on the other foot. WHY are all the reservations in your name? That’s just not normal. I am sure you can pass the information on to someone else and let them deal with it. And short term???? The lunatic is having three weddings. Beyond ridiculous. Why did you spend 2k on her hen do? It’s way OTT. You need to seriously think about how you are living your life.

It is a bit weak of me. I'm not usually this much of a pushover at work or in my personal life but I've known her for so long I would prefer not to lose the friendship if it is just a one off due to the wedding. Also our families are very close and I might get a lot of blowback from my parents for leaving her in a difficult situation this late in the game.

Have you highlighted to her that you have apologised and she said she had accepted your apology so why keep bringing it up?

she sounds like she’s being unreasonable and you’re being expected to be the unpaid wedding planner (hopefully you’re not on the hook money wise for any of the reservations in your name as she’s likely to go over budget).

if she keeps it up offer to step back and just come as a guest and leave her to manage her own wedding.

You'll probably find your child won't want to nap if there's so much going on. She might be grumpy but I doubt it as she'll be occupied. I found I worried about things like this but it's not a big deal if they miss it.

As for your friend, she sounds like an utter self-centred twat. Anyone who has three weddings, monthly meetings, allows their bridesmaid to pay for their own dress and hen do is a grade A arsehole!!!

Detangle from her bullshit. Save a laugh for yourself when she's expecting and another when she's in the thick of a parent herself. Knobhead.

This will sound harsh but she is not a friend.

It maybe time to cut your loses now.
I am sorry you are being treated this way.

Are you all millionaires? What did she do for your wedding?

She is not, by any stretch of the imagination 'normal'

I wish someone would call out these dreadful women. Are they ever embarrassed later?

Thank you. I've started crying while writing this message. I feel like the friendship is probably more important to me than it is to her and it hurts.

What friendship is there to lose?

And can you afford all this nonsense? What does your husband think?