Wedding drama

[Emotionalstorm]

I am the maid of honour for a friend I've known since primary school. She has planned and replanned her wedding down to small details since she was 6. She is having three weddings, one in the US and two big ones in London (one will include everyone and the second will include only close friends).

I am expected to be in attendance or helping her from 6am that day till the wedding ends in the early hours of the next morning.

My husband will be coming with my daughter who just turned three for the church bit from 10am till the end of dinner. She is the flower girl so she cannot come any later. She normally takes her nap at 1pm for approximately one hour after lunch.

I know the bride was offered a honeymoon suite so asked if my daughter could nap there for one hour during one of the intermissions. She seemed very upset and said no. I didn't take it personally and moved on quickly and booked a hotel room nearby in another building. I figured that she wouldn't be using it at that time (she will be taking wedding photos) so it may not be a big deal but I didn't expect her to feel so insulted.

She's been telling everyone how cheeky and entitled I am. She shouldn't have even been put in such an awkward position. Also she kept emphasising that it's called the honeymoon suite for a reason and recounts the story every time we meet up as a group. I asked without thinking and I apologised. I was not offended or upset when she said no but she won't really let this go. She asked me what kind of tone deaf best friend would ask for the a newly wed couple's honeymoon suite.

I feel like a jerk but I don't know what I can do since I've already apologised. I've also organised & spent over two thousand pounds on her hen night. It had all of her dream activities in and she said it was perfect. I paid for my own bridesmaid dress because she said that the wedding is costing a lot so I offered to cover my own costs so as to not be a burden. I have also been at her beck and call without complaints re the wedding planning for two years. I've attended monthly meetings with her so I've also given up a lot of my time. Am I being unreasonable to think that she should just accept my apology and move on. I was thoughtless. I've learned my lesson. I don't know what else she wants from me.

At my wedding, one of my bridesmaids was 8 months pregnant and one was breastfeeding.

My pregnant friend had a nap in our honeymoon suite between the ceremony and dinner and my breastfeeding friend knew she could go and use the room anytime she felt like she needed some quiet/privacy.

What a horrible "friend" you have.

If she continues with this BS in front of people I would speak up and pretty much say what you have just posted. For everybody's sake you can't just dump her now..at the end of the day you would look like the super bad guy and it would probably ruin other relationships for you.
After the wedding is another story.

Why, if in-laws are paying for everything, has she made you pay for your own bridesmaid dress?

So sorry you have such a shitty friend. You have been totally used.

Can you change the name on the bookings? I'm slightly concerned that you might get landed with the cost of her extravagance (someone tried to do this to me with a funeral once, and I nearly ended up having to pay for everything!).

I think there are two kinds of posters (unless hairy-handed) on threads like this; either they want to moan and carry on because they enjoy the victimhood, or they want the impetus to stand up and say "Fuck it!". I hope you are the scone kind, OP.

scone? Not scone, SECOND!

Three Weddings and a Divorce sounds like it would make a good film title

💐 ..for you,you have been a brilliant and extremely generous and patient friend to this person.
Have you not considered though that she has no consideration for you or your dc ?selfless ,kind people don't grow into selfish greedy muppets purely for nine months,there must have been something in them in the first place.
You are too nice for her,what's going to be the next thing she only wants to talk about? Honeymoon,job,babies ? Take a step back after the wedding and then another until there's no contact left.
For her to allow you to spend all that money,arrange everything she wants like a spoilt little princess,then slate you right left and centre??no way would I speak to her again let alone attend the wedding.
Raise your barriers op.Good luck.🌈🌻

As are 99% of wedding threads, MiL threads, 'entitled mum on plane wants my seat' threads ...

WTF, all good fun though innit? 😂

S'gone? or S'cone?

I'll get me coat.

Apart from after the wedding all my friends' wedding suites have been a bit of a free for all for getting ready, letting the little ones nap. I don't see how that is insulting!

Don't go to the wedding!

This is exactly what friends/relatives did at my wedding. A couple of toddlers/babies had a nap and a few other kids just chilled and watched some Netflix to have a break from the day, in our 'honeymoon suite', it was lovely!

Sorry if this has already been said as I have not read through all of the comments but the next time she raises this issue in front of others, I would list literally EVERYTHING you have done, every expense, every little whim catered for etc. then end with, "but yes, I can see how asking a perfectly legitimate question then apologising repeatedly for any unintentional offence caused makes me such a bad person!" Hopefully delivered with sufficient irritation to get your point across too. She sounds awful!😫

She is having three weddings

No she's not. She;s getting married once, and having two additional parties. She sounds like a total nightmare TBH.

So basically shes already married this is just a party-i wouldnt have laid out any money for someones party

i eloped i had my inlaws and parents and siblings there that was it-i had a little get together with some aunties and cousins when i got back nothing fancy and that was it-this woman sounds unhinged

YABu, for being her maid of honour at all!

I'm more invested in your dd, I nearly spat out my tea at "dear leader" & "milk monitor"
I love a spunky kid 😂
Defo dump your friend, far too much hard work.

@Emotionalstorm You sound like a genuinely lovely person, as do your DH and DD. Your fiend friend has the hallmarks of someone who is ‘marrying up’ and feels both insecure about her own family background & circumstances, and determined to match up to her new in-laws’ expectations. She is using your relative wealth and generosity to create an impression that she and her family are her in-laws’ equals. The sad thing is that when this happens, family and friends from childhood are often distanced or discarded so they can’t out the social climber. That might not happen to you because you are well-off yourself so reinforce her social/economic credentials by association, but I bet her family and other friends will increasingly feel the chill. Weddings can be stressful and as a result reveal the less attractive characteristics that are normally latent, but in these circumstances the anxiety of not making the grade with her DH’s family will probably last at least until they have DC, and she will become more and more grandiose.
I couldn’t advise leaving her in the lurch as that would give you guilt and regret; and you have gone too far to allow something to damage your reputation and self worth now. But sadly I think you will need to let go of the friendship afterwards. If she’s a real friend she will work at winning you back.
I wish the world had more friends in it like you. DM me if you want a new bestie- I’m happily married so you won’t be put through this again!!

She's using you. For your time and your money.

I'd pull out of the wedding. Can you imagine what she's going to be like on the day. No thanks.

Why are you being a doormat? Quite frankly your "friend" is a monster and has always been like that. Believe me I know. I had a "friend" since primary school who showed her true colors when we were 25. No way in hell would I be doing all this for the bride and spending my own money so she doesn't get upset. The hen do should have been split equally between everyone. If the price point was too high for people then 1) they don't attend or 2) the activities are scaled back. The bride should have been paying for all the dresses for everyone in the wedding party. If she can afford 3 weddings she can afford the dresses and hen do. She is acting like this because you are letting her. She's lucky it wasn't me. I would have told her to FO long ago, but since it's so close I'd just not show up the day of her wedding. I wouldn't be answering any calls from the caterers, church, wedding venue, etc. I'd walk off with all the work I've done and let her fend for herself. This woman is a user and always has been.

Frankly , I think you are a complete mug.

She’s not a friend!

Congratulations on your huge change in your financial situation. Care to share how you achieved it?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4753001-can-we-talk-about-clothing-brands-and-target-demographics?page=9&reply=124422512

Sorry but you’re being an idiot. Do not buy spend a penny more on her. No wedding gift, don’t go to USA for the other wedding. She’s just being a bitch. And drink the most expensive stuff at the wedding…. Better still, try and get done bottles to take home to recoup your losses!

Wet well put!