To want to sit in the corner and rock gently?

[fugitall]

My parents said we could build a house in their garden, we moved into their house, got planning (took 2 1/2 yrs to achieve), now they won't sell us the land, won't let us build, and have told us it's tough. They'll give us the market value of the plot, but we can't buy a house for that amount, we could have built a lovely house for less than it will cost us to buy a tiny house.

Still live with them, but can avoid them on day to day basis. DH wants a showdown. I want to cry.

They're my parents. The are double hard bastards, always have been, so I don't want a confrontation, but DH is really cross.

I agree with Bangandthedirtisgone. The reality of paying your own way is that it's damned expensive!! Free housing and utilities paid is worth a hell of a lot! My guess is that if Fug gets full time work,has to buy a house, pay all the bills and start paying childcare too, she won't actually feel much better off!!

oh for goodness sake! You lot are mental!!!!!!!

bang and affies I meant

If by 'affies'you are referring to me... may I enquire why Clegg??
If the alternative to living with her parents is really so easy and attractive then why hasnt fug taken it.....

Dh hates the bungalow.

We live in 5 rooms. A bedroom for dh and I. an office for dh which is also dd1's bedroom. Dh2 gets her own room, dds 3+4share and the 5th room is the kitchen/dining/living room. There are two tiny rooms 3'x3' which dh has converted into a washing machine/tumble dryer room and the other has a dishwasher and kitchen sink in.

Bang, what gross salary would I need to earn to pay for all that and wraparound/holiday care for the girls? (Being so naive and sheltered, I have no idea).

I used to be a restaurant manager before kids.

I have no idea Fug, why don't you work it out for yourself?

Being naive/sheltered isn't really an excuse not to find out.

Presume you can use the internet as you're using it now. Why don't you check sales and rental prices on rightmove, then go to childcarelink.gov.uk to get an idea of childcare costs?

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Fug, don't you think that is you are capable of getting married and having 4 children, you are also capable of working out what it costs to house, clothe, feed them and have them looked after while you work?
I'm finding it difficult to get my head round all this. You seem to want to take no responsibility for starting to act like adults.
If the bunglow refers to the house you looked at the other day (sorry but this has all become so confusing I'm no longer sure!) then the fact that your DH hates it is tough! I hated the first house we bought. It was a cheapo badly built minuscule housing association house - and we lived there because we could afford nowt else!
Get real!

Lucyellensmum - assuming you aren't married to your DP, yes you are being really naive in not knowing whether or not you own your house and you should check ASAP. You are either on BOTH the deeds and the mortgage, or NEITHER. Should you split up, your position will be radically different if you own the house jointly compared to if it is just in your DPs name. Fairness only comes into the law if you are married.

I've had enough, and will Fug off now!

I now need to deal with all the issues you've pointed out. Emotional/dependance/general twatiness.

Dittany - yes I did read the whole thread (that's why I find the whole thing so bizarre!!). Yes, the OPs parents have behaved very strangely, but then many people wouldnt choose to build a house in their parents garden anyway, so maybe that's the lesson to learn here!
The fact remains though, that the OP has lived rent and mortgage free, and although they can afford to move out and buy a bungalow, she's now moaning that her DH hates it! Do they want an independent life or not??

I cannot believe how awful some of you are being to Fug!!!!

shocking !!

She came on here to vent and lots of you have been vile to her!!

Of course she is upset that her plans for her family have gone up in smoke because of her awful parents. I would be gutted if this had happened to me.

I would also move out double quick and let their business be screwed. They are taking advantage of your good nature. I am not surprised that DH hasnt spoken to them for 6 weeks.

You could probably earn a good wage if you went back to being a restaurant manager if DH could have the children in the evening but you would be knackered and have to give up working for your evil parents!

Dittany - I don't think anyone on here has set out to attack fug!! It just seems that any time anyone makes a useful suggestion, she comes back with a negative response. Talk about glass half empty!!
I also think her comments about working parents ('palming kids off!') have done her no favours.
Yes, I can see she's disappointed, but hell, I've seen people cope with far worse without moaning half as much!!
The fact remains that she and her family of six have lived rent and mortgage free for over two years, she has taken her younger children to work with her (thereby avoiding child care costs) yet whenever anyone points that out, they're accused of bashing her! Very odd.
As a matter of interest, when I was working and paying two sets of nursery fees I probably brought home less than £3 an hour! It's called real life!

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My useful suggestions (along with plenty of other posters)have been:
get out of the situation asap as it's clearly emotionally unhealthy
find another job and organise childcare
take steps to get the 30k back
see it as a lucky bonus if they get the 150k her parents have said they'll give her.

No, it's not about 'who gets it worse'. I never posted on MN to complain about having to pay most of my income on childcare, because frankly, I think I'd have been seen as a right whinger!
I didnt say the thread pissed me off - I said I find it utterly bizarre!!

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Chequers - interesting how every time any of us point that out it's conveniently ignored, or comments are made about 'living in the attic' as if it's some fairytale where the family are locked up in somewhere grim!
The OP mentioned 5 rooms plus bathroom which sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

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