To want to sit in the corner and rock gently?

[fugitall]

My parents said we could build a house in their garden, we moved into their house, got planning (took 2 1/2 yrs to achieve), now they won't sell us the land, won't let us build, and have told us it's tough. They'll give us the market value of the plot, but we can't buy a house for that amount, we could have built a lovely house for less than it will cost us to buy a tiny house.

Still live with them, but can avoid them on day to day basis. DH wants a showdown. I want to cry.

They're my parents. The are double hard bastards, always have been, so I don't want a confrontation, but DH is really cross.

I hope so dit!

Spoke to legal helpline who said the best path is Promissery Estoppel (SP) which I think means prooving they led us up the garden path.

What makes it all a bit raw is that we missed out on a house on Monday because we were 17k short. That was with a 100% mortgage.

They've spent it! They'd have to borrow it to pay it back.

Fugit have followed this but not much advice to offer.. but just want to say I hope this works out the way you want. I would go with the 30K straight back (they can remortgage if they've got loads of equity) rather than the promise of 150K (because they've already reneged on one promise) and run for the hills.

All I can do is sympathise, as my family are the same. Nothing, but sh*t to make our lives hell.
You have to take your partners advise, as all that acting nice will eventually make you explode.

Got no advice, just wanted to say I know What you are going through we went through similar with MIL when she moved abroad and we bought her house. She soon realised she would be worse off if she cut her nose off to spite her face! We got the house in the end Good Luck x

My MIL offered to loan us cash to buy a house so we didn't need a bridging loan, at a highish interest rate (lower than a normal bridgeing loan but higher than the saving account it was in) which we gratefully accepted.

When we needed the money she denied all knowledge and said we had got the wrong end of the stick, she had NEVER intended to loan us the money

We nearly lost our original home and we had spent all our savings on legal stuff for the new house, we nearly ended up homeless and worse still she still insists that we were stupid children who can't understand basic agreement.

Thanks to my parents and a lot of luck and pushing of the morgage we sorted things out.

Though a week or so later she did offer to buy a share in the new house if we sold it in 5 years and gave her a share of the profit, we declined.

I would get in writing that they owe you the £30k, you have a good reason to demand it. You don't want them to change their minds again. I would stop working for them, get a new job and move out in that order.

Good luck

What does your sister think about what has happened?

Fug, How are you feeling today?

I wrote a post last night, but our connection went down. Want I was going to say has been echoed by a lot of other people. I really feel for you, but you are living as a child. You are totally dependent on your parents, for housing, money (both income and capital), and I would also imagine, for babysitting? The saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt, and it sounds like your parents are not valuing you as an individual or an adult.

You are a big girl now, so like other advice, I think you need to start to live your own, independent life from your parents. BTW, I know you had your heart set on building your own house, but there is nothing wrong with renting, even short term.

I doubt they will be able to find someone else to work a 35 hr week for next to nothing.

Oh, I also agree wholeheartedly with the previous post that it cannot be healthy for your children to see you being so dependent and unhappy. It cannot be doing your self esteem any good (hence ADs?), or be helping your marriage.

I think greysky is right

I think also you have got a bit of a skewed idea of what the real world is like

other people have to live in it

your parents have mistreated you. But you have allowed them to pay you nothing for so long, thinking that this is the life you want to lead

clearly it isn't. You will be able to make more than £2.75 an hour; you will be able to get a mortgage

you need to stand on your own two feet

you also need to legally take steps to recover the £30 grand they have stolen from you - stolen is the only word for it

you can make £6 an hour doing telesales

Blimey what a tale! Fugitall you have my sympathy, you have been right royally screwed by your parents in so many ways. They have sold you a dream and then taken it away. Can't blame you for being upset, I would be too. I can understand the reaction especially given that you're on AD's (been there).

I do think you need to make the break. Do what you can to claw back your 30K, even if all you can do now is get it in writing that you will get the money on the sale of their house, and then get the hell out. The extra 120K would be a bonus of course, we would all like that, to live in a house that's 120K more expensive than the one we have now, but I really think that accepting the extra money would tie you to them somehow and you would have to spend too much time being grateful to them. Not healthy and not worth it imho.

They are going to continue controlling your life if you don't cut your ties. I'm not surprised that they don't want you to stop working for them, you are cheap labour after all.

You missed out on a house by 17K - if you were working for a proper wage, even minimum wage, you would probably have been able to raise that 17K and would be back on an even keel.

Do you have any equity left from your house sale?

I think you need to take a deep breath and painful as it may be write this whole experience off and start again.

Oh, and let your dh blast them out

Good luck.

CCan someone please explain this to me?Im very confused and im feeling a little unsympathetic to be honest, i dont want to be, as we are on the verge of losing our house if things dont change very quickly and have no parents to fall back on. So i do understand that it is hard to face financial difficulties but this seems very strange to me.

As i understand it, The OP sold up their house and became mortgage free to live with her parents? On the understanding that they would sell a plot of land to them to build their own house? OP has spent 40K, to get planning permission and pay her parents for the land?? But now the parents don't want to sell it? WHY NOT? I must have missed their reasoning or was it not posted? Is it because they feel that the better financial deal is to give the OP £150K? Blimey, i wish someone would give me £150K for a £30K investment.

How old are the OPs children? Surely if they are at school then a return to work is on the cards? I have had issues with going back to work but have to face up to the fact that i will have to go back, DD starts playschool in sept so im hoping to be able to manage until then i also have some work from home opportunities in the bag. But i do sympathise with the SAHM point of view but not everyone is lucky enough to be able to do this.

Why is it expected that her parents should give her this money? I would love to be in the position to do this for my children, but practically i know i wont be - are the parents loaded? I guess they are trying to make provisions for their retirement??

As i said, im confused?

Oh and if the OP is on the breadline because she can't afford an X-box, well then i guess i am in big trouble!

Sorry, if this appears unsympathetic, i do sympathise i really do, but i just cant understand what is going on. What does the OP other half do for a living? £150k would buy a two up two down around here (just), but if they are going to the trouble of a self build then surely they can refurbish something, then move on. Also, thats one hell of a deposit, is there a reason why the OP has to be mortgage, council tax, bill free??

Sorry, LEM has hard head on today.

Message withdrawn

fugitall, i dont mean to sound unsympathetic i really dont. I am on ADs too so i know how things can really get you down.

Someone gave me a stern talking to on here a few days ago, its just what i needed.

I think you need to get it from your parents exactly what they are offering you, get it in writing, dont ask for anymore - i can sort of see their point of view, but perhaps there is more too it. I do understand why you are so dissapointed. But you really have to chase your own dreams, it will be the better for it. I have more ofa sense of achievement in our poxy run down terrace than my friend who lives in a 5 bedroom house who was basically given it by her parents. You see, she always feels she has never really grown up. She isnt loaded and her parents gave her the house for what she could sell her poxy run down terrace for when they split up. Sometimes i feel jealous, but most times i think, i have what i have because we have worked for it, scrimped scraped and stressed over it - but it is OURS i just pray we can keep hold of it.

Your kids are at school, now you must get a job, what experience do you have? You say you worked in your parents business, doing what? Can you retrain? There is a big wide world out there

LEM reminds herself to listen to her own advice sometimes.

Can you not see a solicitor? surely the fact that 30k changed hands shows intent? as for the Planning that goes with the plot but the archtercts drawings etc are your property and usually a plot with full PP would come with these so hold back on these... this must be a terible situation for someone you love to do this to you... what goes around comes around... not a bible basher or anything but God see all. (make sure you get your own valuation... not theirs!).

subscribe to plot finder on net they'll find you one if you haven't been put off could always build and sell then do again with hopefully larger fund! Don't give up on your dream these things are sent to try us.

Just a thought but, is there no other money left over from the sale of your house? Maybe enough to at least get you away from the parents? I think you will find this much more difficult to handle while you are still living with them.

To the unsympathetic posters, the OP hasn't got £150k. Nor is she ever guaranteed to have it. Her parents have offered to give it to her if they sell their house at some unspecified time. They have already gone back on a promise to give her the land so there is no reason to think that they will ever come good with the £150k.

I do think that the OP should push to get back the money spent - so what if her parents have to borrow? They will recoup that as and when they sell. Her parents wouldn't be in the advantageous financial position they are in (house with added planning permision to bump up the value) if it wasn't for the £30k spent by the OP. I'd be hopping if I was the OP - my money was spent on false pretences.

crumpet, i think you are missing something, it is HER PARENTS house after all!!! I think the offer of £150K when they sell it is more than generous. If of course this never materialises then that is shit of her parents. I just dont think we are getting the whole story here. She has siblings too, am i to assume they will get nothing?

Oh, I completely agree that it is her parent's house and they can do what they want with it - I'm not saying they should be forced to give it up. BUT, having done what they appear to have done, I don't agree that her parents are morally entitled to lead her up the garden path, make promises that they don't keep, encourage the OP to lay out money which benefits them financially and then change the goalposts so that there is no guarantee that she'll ever see it again.

2.75 an hour is shit money, however they also have given them a roof over their heads!! She could always go and get another job if she wants to earn more money. Perhaps they are trying to build up the business. I do all my DPs work for him, ALL of his admin, his accounts, his marketing, make his difficult phone calls etc - for the princely sum of Sweet FA per hour!!

Im not saying i don't sympathise, i just wonder if the OP needs to post more information if she wants more sympathy.

There are two very stark choices, shut up and be grateful that her parents have put her up and have promised the £150K (which is a fortune but the OP is whining that it wont buy them a four bedroom house ) or move out, get a job and get a mortgage, you know, like the rest of us have to.

That is the stark reality and very simplified. I can read between the lines that the OP is obviously feeling trapped by her parents, i totally understand that, which is all the more reason why i think she should make her own way. I also dont know why the OP had to sell her original house, was it just the dream of mortgage free living sold by those stupid property programs (she did say grand designs was their bible). Maybe it is time for a reality check.

My advice, move out, not in a strop, you want to maintain the relationship with your parents. Set yourselves up, then when and if they move and give you the £150K you will be in a really great position, better than if they simply give you the money. Maybe they want to feel like you are contributing yourself. The 30K im taking, comes from the sale of the original house, which you wouldnt have had if you couldnt move in with your parents. So legally thats a difficult one i guess.

I think the OP has things out of perspective and i totally understand her reaction, but i think for the sake of everyones relationship they need to step back,.

I agree wholeheartedly crumpet, but is that really what is going on here? If so, then the OP has my total sympathy, but would her parents really be that mean? Perhaps they were ignorant to just how much money they would be giving up, and lets face it providing for retirement is no joke these days. It seems a better deal all round to me, £150 for a four bedroom dwelling seems quite a low budget anyway for a self build, unless of course they are going to totally manage the project by themselves etc. Maybe her parents feel they are saving her from herself?

These are just variables