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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to sit in the corner and rock gently?

217 replies

fugitall · 13/02/2008 20:36

My parents said we could build a house in their garden, we moved into their house, got planning (took 2 1/2 yrs to achieve), now they won't sell us the land, won't let us build, and have told us it's tough. They'll give us the market value of the plot, but we can't buy a house for that amount, we could have built a lovely house for less than it will cost us to buy a tiny house.

Still live with them, but can avoid them on day to day basis. DH wants a showdown. I want to cry.

They're my parents. The are double hard bastards, always have been, so I don't want a confrontation, but DH is really cross.

OP posts:
TimeForMe · 13/02/2008 21:26

There's a sinilar thing going on with a house local to us. They were selling the garden as a building plot but then decided to sell as a job lot. Only now, the total value of the house has increased so much that it is priced out of the market for this area. It is now been up for sale for over two years and hasn't had a single offer yet. So, it might not be worth holding your breath for your payout.

Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:30

All girls are at school now, and I realise I've been lucky (planned hard) not have had to work yet. I will get a job and a childminder, which will break my heart, because I want to bring up my kids, not palm them off.

Thank you all.

It's good to vent.

OP posts:
Chequers · 13/02/2008 21:32

Message withdrawn

Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:34

Not it bloody isn't a troll.

Truth is stranger than fiction!

OP posts:
Chequers · 13/02/2008 21:37

Message withdrawn

Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:41

My dh was a bit of a dick when he was 20 so I kept chucking him and then getting back together with him. M&D told me to chuck him for good and come home for christmas, or piss off. This was in 1990, so we all had big hair. I love my dh as much as I love air, so there is no choice, normally.

The choice in summary, now, is, let dh have showdown, or slope off quietly.

I'm all for sloping off. Dh keeps getting the "but how could they/" vibe so wants to push them to complete the sale.

How did we end up living with them? Trust. Misplaced, I agree, but I've always been gullible.

OP posts:
alfiesbabe · 13/02/2008 21:43

You may not be a troll, but comments like

'I will get a job and a childminder, which will break my heart, because I want to bring up my kids, not palm them off'

are not going to endear you to most MNers. You are VERY fortunate to have had the option to not work for 12 years. You are very fortunate to have lived rent and mortgage free for over 2 years. You are potentially very fortunate if you go back into the property market 110k better off because your parents' plot has increased in value. Maybe you'd better start counting your blessings and realising that many other people have far less than you. And also, those of us who don't have the luxury of sitting at home are not 'palming our kids off'.

Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:46

Not fortunate, skint with no holidays or stuff. My cupboards are bare. We live from hand to mouth, and I do work, just not when the kids are around.

I thought it was Mumsnet, not unions-net.

It's my personal feeling about palming them off. I think they are all super clingy as a result and i have fucked up, but that's another thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:46

We are on the poverty line, we haven't got an x-box.

OP posts:
Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:47

Or fucking sky.

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Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:47

And I can't afford fruit shoots.

OP posts:
alfiesbabe · 13/02/2008 21:48

Neither have we.

Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:48

Sorry to offend re sahm comment.

OP posts:
HonoriaGlossop · 13/02/2008 21:49

Well I suppose it would have been a very nice 'leg up' to have a brand new house in the grounds of your parents, but it isn't going to happen by the sounds of things.

I think you need to accept that it was a nice idea, it hasn't come off, 99.9% of people don't get that sort of help so you are no worse off than anyone else.

Your DH is being a bit spoilt. 'How could they' - well, it's their house and they have the right to do as they please. You WERE going to benefit from their property, but now you're not - end of story. He's not got an awful lot to be aggreived about because at the end of the day it is their choice.

I do agree that it's very depressing for people to hear you say things like using a childminder is 'palming kids off' - it's survival for some people....and I think you need to get a bit of perspective and a bit of realism going. You are not a martyr if you have to get a job in order to get a mortgage on the type of house you want. That's being a grown up

AdamRomANTic · 13/02/2008 21:51

I'm being extremely thick - how come you're getting £150k?

I would be bloody pissed off at the situation, but I think alfiesbabe has hit the nail on the head, repeatedly

Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:51

Never a martyr. Just chosen to get further into debt so I can cook tea every night. Thought this was our break, but it isn't.

Please don't start a mn backlash because I don't want two or three jobs.

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Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:53

The 150k is two years of fighting a planning officer and exhausting two architects and employing surveyors and working my tits off in parents business.

OP posts:
Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:55

And it's actually 120k if you deduct what we gave my parents.

I take it all on the chin. I'm a spoilt brat who is privelidged and has head firmly up own arse.

OP posts:
alfiesbabe · 13/02/2008 21:55

Bit of an unrealistic 'break' then. Real life is usually about working hard to make ends meet. As Honoria says, all that's happened is that you and DH are going to have to be grown ups and take responsibility for your own needs.

Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:56

Have you read the whole thread?

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Original poster
fugitall · 13/02/2008 21:57

Don't forget, use stones big enough to hurt, but not so big they cause a speedy death.

OP posts:
HonoriaGlossop · 13/02/2008 21:58

blimey, wish someone would give me £120k!

Can you not see how incredibly lucky that is?

no-one has given me or DH any money towards our mortgages or houses....

AdamRomANTic · 13/02/2008 21:58

£75k a year is really not a bad 'salary' for that job. Maybe it's a glass half full / empty thing?

HonoriaGlossop · 13/02/2008 22:00

oh Fug I think you just need to get out from under.

It's all too muzzy - you've been living there I'm assuming rent free but working in their business.......it's just too confusing about what is owed to who and who has done what for who and whether you've 'earned' that money by working hard for your parents business.....

I think you and DH need to strike out away from your parents, this is all too bizarre and unhealthy!

AdamRomANTic · 13/02/2008 22:01

x-posts: £60k a year is still not bad.

I'm not saying you're a spoilt brat, just that you've gone from having a fabulous deal, to having a very good deal. I can understand how you would now feel short-changed, but from an outside perspective you're still pretty jammy!

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