To want to sit in the corner and rock gently?

[fugitall]

My parents said we could build a house in their garden, we moved into their house, got planning (took 2 1/2 yrs to achieve), now they won't sell us the land, won't let us build, and have told us it's tough. They'll give us the market value of the plot, but we can't buy a house for that amount, we could have built a lovely house for less than it will cost us to buy a tiny house.

Still live with them, but can avoid them on day to day basis. DH wants a showdown. I want to cry.

They're my parents. The are double hard bastards, always have been, so I don't want a confrontation, but DH is really cross.

My POINT being, that we do not know the full situation, and now im pissed off because im being dragged into siding against the OP. I just find it hard to believe, not impossible, that her parents, who are happy enough to have her and her family live with them are really such evil bastards.

So, no i am not niave - i am just pointing out some obvious discrepancies. As for the crap money, it might just be for the same reason that i work for my DP for nothing, it is a family business. The fact that she gets only 2.75 an hour is odd, but when you take into account board and lodgings it equates to much more than that. Perhaps that is all they can afford to pay her? Im not saying that is the case, but we havent received all the facts is all.

As for me feeling exploited by my DP?? LMAO - now that is funny, you shouldnt judge everyone else by your own standards or what has happened to you. You do seem a bit anti-men by the way. I work for our business, my DP keeps a roof over our head, i am a SAHM and i do the books on top of that, if he didnt have me to do it, he couldnt run the business and it would cost US far to much to have someone else do it for him. I guess i am exploited then because i cook and clean for DP too? When DD goes to school i will have to decide whether it pays me more to go to work (i have a higher earning potential than DP) or stay doing teh business, because if things kick off as i hope they will, then i will not be able to work AND do the business side of things. But, shock horror, my name is not on the mortgage, i think its on the deeds, i havent a clue - niavety or trust??? You decide!! After 15 years together, after he has supported me through thick and thin, bereavement, PND and a whole lot more, i trust him, maybe i am being naive?

I am simply pointing out that we dont have all the facts, so actually i cannot decide where my sympathy lies. FUG is clearly not here anymore to argue her side so this dissection is perhaps a little unfair.

She doesnt just earn 2.75 an hour though, she has a FREE roof over her head, so am i to assume no bills either? That equates to rather a lot.

As for if i feel exploited?? Are you having a little joke with me??

My partner and I run our business together, in the most, he slogs his guts out, brings home what is at the moment a pittance, today he has the same tummy bug as me but is still out on site as he has to get hte job done, me, im on mumsnet taking it easy! I dont get a wage, why on earth would I? In return for doing the stuff that without me doing DP couldnt run the business, am i to expect a wage then? Am i to expect money to spend on new shoes and hair cuts? You know, id rather put the money towards the bills, the mortgage, food, DDs than have money in my own pocket and the falsity of a "wage". I must then be exploiting DP then musnt i, as he never ever has any money for himself, other than to spend it all the things listed above. That and him supporting me for 7 years through university? Me? Exploited? Get off your high horse love.

sorry, posted twice because my first post got lost in the ether

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dont you just love it chequers . But seriously, i am walking away as the OP clearly finds this upsetting and is not here to argue her side of things.

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Our business isnt that far ahead that there is an "ownership" issue, its just a small building business. I'm not offended, just responding to comments is all, i hope i didnt offend either - oh Mnet is just so "Nice" sometimes

I am really just trying to say, that yes, on the face of it, her parents are Ogres, but without the full facts sympathies will get misplaced. And whilst our opinion doesnt matter a sausage really, i dont think it helps the OP to actually "agree" with her about her parents, that they are shit and she should cut them out of her life. This could be extremely damaging to her relationship with her parents which is so obviously going through a difficult time. Thats all.

ITs a bit like when we post moaning about our DP/DHs, its ok to agree and say yeah yeah, hes a twat, but thats not always helpful, because just because you want to sympathise with the poster i often think it is more helpful to look at both sides. Thankfully people have done this when i have berated my DP, they have seen straight through me and stuck up for the poor sod

Blimey, I've missed a lot!

I've been to the zoo with the reception class today, and just got all the jobs done so I can sit down and catch up.

I don't want sympathy, just objective opinions on the situation, so thank you for all your thoughts.

Their are six in my immediate family, me, dh and 4 dd's who are 12, 10, 6 and 4.

The reason I'm upset is that building the house was our dream, it was what we've been working for for all this time. If we'd bought a useless bit of land from Mr Bloggs for 30k, and I was here clebrating my potential profit, you would slate me for being smug, but never for being greedy.

I can't morally get another job because Mum and Dad couldn't manage the business without me. If they don't have income, they can't pay their bills. I'm so brainwashed, I still think this is reasionable!

I am looking for a job which is night shifts, or split shifts so I can fit it all in. We sold our house to move here, 120 miles away. We only had 20k left which we paid to my parents, then borrowed the other 10k from the bank.

Anyway, the "blame" is equal, we should all have done things differently. I'm sorry I have come across as a lazy housewife who expects things to be easy. The x-box comment was sarcastic/ironic. DH and I bought our first house in 1991, then bought a reck, sold it, then moved up another notch, and so on for 14 years. Now we're back to square one.

We are planning to buy a project, I've seen a nasty two bed bungalow which needs stripping out and extending, but we can get it for £200k. We'll paint it with wickes trade magnolia and scrub the floorbourds so we can move in. Then, if we get any money from my parents, we can make it really nice.

I came on here to vent, and I've been alternately spanked and cuddled.

Dh is home from a long trip in about 20 minutes, so I will be off.

Sincerely, thank you all. I like a bit of rough treatment, it helps with perspective! The nice comments make me feel warm and comforted too!

If there any more facts you would like cleared up, feel free to ask.

thanks fug, cleared it up perfectly well.

Sorry about all the typos!

I don't think they see it that way!

I don't normally mind, and when I did I just plodded on and thought of the plot.

I will stop working for them and just do one ft job and move out asap.

Fug,
I agree with Dittany. I think your loyalty to your parents may be misguided - if their business cannot continue, then so be it. I don't see how it is your problem, especially given this latest incident. What did your DH say to your plan to continue working for your parents & get another job too?

Also I am intrigued. What type of business is it that your parents have?

B&B which is surprisingly hard work!

DH just rants about trying to make them sign the land over, which isn't very helpful. He hasn't spoken to my parents for about 6 weeks. I don't think he believes I will get another job!

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fugitall, keep updating here, would love to hear how everything's going. You sound like a resourseful and courageous couple, I feel sure things will turn out well for you!

Per month:

My mortgage: £1,150
My council tax: £130
My water rates: £30
My electricity bill: £40
My gas bill: £30

£1,380 better off every month?

Bonus.

How big is the attic Fug?