Partner won’t allow me to see his phone

[Marmitelover93]

i could see a notification flash up on my partners Apple Watch which looked like a females name … it took me about 10’mins to process it and when I asked him he said he didn’t know anyone with that name and it might be twitter notification (often random peoples tweets appear as notifications). I asked if he could show me his phone messaging history- not the messages just those he was messaging and he said no repeatedly. I said I couldn’t trust him as this was his one way to prove he hasn’t been unfaithful and if he can’t show me in the moment there and then then I’m not sure I can continue in this relationship. We have been together 1 year and are living together. AIBU?

You’ve posted about this man SO MANY TIMES. Just break up with the poor guy already and let him live his life in peace.

I'm not seeing any other threads under this username

In my mind that is still invading his privacy.I have nothing on my phone to hide from DH, but I still take it with me if having bath/shower and I would be offended and say no if he demanded to look at who I was messaging

You can't force him/her but it is quite secretive. If it was me, I'd get rid of him/her as I couldn't be bothered with secretive behaviour.

I never take my phone with me to the bath/shower, in fact it spends most of its home life on the table.

However, if my DH was anything like the OP, I'd be taking it everywhere I think.

Is your search broken? There’s loads

If you don't trust you partner, why did you move in together?

Bit off topic but I’ve wondered about this for a while - can someone please tell me how do you find other threads or posts a particular user has made?

Op thought her partner had taken cocaine in 1 of her posts.

I always find it a bit odd when women worry as another woman's name has flashed up on their partner's phone.

I'd have thought that a man having an affair would add a woman's number under a fake man's name!

I'm not trying to make you even more paranoid, so don't start panicking when a man's name flashes on his phone!

@Reclaimtheoutdoors

use Advanced Search rather than the normal search

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4650719-is-this-enough-to-accuse-of-taking-cocaine

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4646255-aibu-do-i-give-him-another-chance

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4646658-is-it-a-red-flag

Me three.
No-one looks at my phone unless I offer it to show them something. Anyone who demands to can piss off. I have friends who've messaged very personal stuff and I respect their confidences and protect their privacy.

Why? Is he not allowed to have female friends or colleagues?

you dint have the right to see his phone it’s controlling. If you don’t trust him enough that you need to check up on him then end it.

Exactly. I have absolutely no time for controlling women who demand to look at their partner's phone. Disgusting behaviour.

It is not up to him. you're the insecure one you need to work on that yourself

The more someone wants me to do something unreasonable, the more I won't do it

And there will be plenty of insecure people on here who will say different

Thank you!

He's got something to hide. You almost certainly can't trust him.

It sounds like you don’t trust him so you should end it; I don’t think you should expect to look through your partners phone in future either

So you were together less than a year when you moved in with him? Of COURSE you don’t know him, his elvi driver had a longer-lasting relationship.

Hope you didn’t drag kids into this.

Can you only do advanced searches on the desk top version?

Amen to this. The op sounds hideously controlling and over the top… took ten mins ‘to process’ that a woman texted him, threatening to end the relationship if he doesn’t hand over his phone- awful stuff. I hope this guy sees the red flags and gets himself away from the situation.

Are there are other reasons you don’t trust him? Has he lied to you previously or given you reason to doubt his faithfulness? If so I can understand why you feel paranoid. But demanding to see his phone won’t get you very far.

If he does that now to prove his ‘innocence’ will he have to keep doing it every time you feel suspicious? What else will you require of him next time? It’s quite a poor reflection on the stability of your relationship.

You can’t share a life with someone you don’t trust. So either he has already given you enough reason to end things, or it’s all linked to your own insecurities.

If you are bringing emotional baggage from old relationships into this one then you should try counselling as you’ll never be content with anyone if you put all your own insecurities onto them.

All the best.

I don't like it if other people look at my phone either.

And I have nothing to hide.

If someone demanded to see it, I would refuse as well and have a serious think about things going forward.

That is how it's come across, you being demanding. Which straight away gets people's backs up.