This sleeping arrangement is ridiculous right?

[Pondere]

We arrived at my in laws today and are staying for a week. SIL also arrived today and is staying for two nights. We live much further away so we have two long visits a year and then two weekend visits. SIL visits and stays for a night every month.

We have a 21 month old, and he sleeps in a travel cot when we visit. SIL has a five year old.

PIL have 4 bedrooms. One bedroom is obviously theirs. Then there is a double room with a double bed and then two singles with single beds in them.

Usually, when SIL visits, her 5 year old sleeps in the double bed and she is in one of the single rooms. When we visit, the three of us are in double room, with DH and I in the double bed and DS next to us in his travel cot.

This is the first time we are all staying at the same time (with children). SIL is insisting that her child gets the double room as per usual, because that is what he is used to and he won’t be able to sleep anywhere else. I’ve said it makes sense for us to have the double room seeing as all 3 of us can sleep in there, there’s space for the travel cot and then SIL and her child can sleep in each of the single rooms.

She has refused to budge and PIL agree that her son should get the double room because that’s where he always sleeps and he won’t sleep well otherwise.

The conclusion - SIL’s child has a double room and bed to himself. SIL has a single room and bed to herself. I’m in the single bed with DS in his travel cot next to me, which has just about fit in, it’s a very tight squeeze so I have to climb on to the bed the second I enter the room. DH is on the sofa. He doesn’t like fuss so is fine with the arrangement.

I know IANBU, because it makes no sense whatsoever that DS and I are in a tiny room with DH on the sofa when a 5 year old has a big room to himself. But equally, when SIL and PIL and even DH think it’s fine, I can’t help but doubt myself.

I would, Seeing as the single room does not have much floor space, every time the baby woke in the night, pace up and down the hallway outside everyone’s rooms hoping the screaming baby would wake them all up, I would then also call or to DH to bring up a nappy or come to hold the baby while you go to the loo.

If SIL was sharing double with Ds while you and DH had a single room each with travel cot in one that wouldn't be so bad but DH without a bed is ridiculous!

Ridiculous!

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Yes - flouncing out, even though with good reason, isn't likely to help in the long run.

That SIL isn't half making a rod for her own back, it's really not a good idea for kids not to be able to be a bit adaptable.

Literally no one in real life would have such a strop about a 5 year old getting the best bed, that they would turn straight around and leave after travelling 11 hours to see family That is not real advice!

What a huge turn off.

YADNBU just tell them you will stay in a hotel or go home. They are all being ridiculous. Utterly stupid.

SIL should have the sofa if they insist your nephew needs the double bed.

Just leave! Get a hotel or go home, if you never challenge SIL, nothing will ever change.

So, in three years' time, will your 5 year old son get the double or will he be stuck on the floor near the couch where his dad sleeps? Might want to mention that...surely PIL don't want to be picking favorites.

Absolutely YANBU. I would feel exactly the same as you.

Having said that:
Is the child autistic by any chance? Maybe he can't deal with change because of his neurodivergence?

If I rocked up at a relatives after travelling for 11 hours to be told I was on the couch, I would definitely say, “oh I will have a look into local hotels then”. And I would and I would continue my visit, but I would not be sleeping on the couch.

Yeah but on MN people always suggest things that nobody in rl would ever do 🤣

YANBU

SIL and her DC should take the single rooms and your family have the double.

At the absolute least, SIL should share the double bed with her child.

Why was a 5 year old ever put in a double bed?

This

Me too, go home tomorrow

Booking a hotel is really not such a big deal, I am puzzled as to why you think nobody does this when they need a bed.

Sounds like sil is used to getting her own way. I have a family member like that. If she doesn't get her way then she has a massive tantrum. If we're in public she will cause a scene. Then claim we should do it her way because of her mental health. Even suggested one year we went on holiday my daughter could share with her husband. Because they didn't want my son in with them who was harder work. Example I woke early first morning left him sleeping to have a shower. He escaped room (severly autistic) even though I put a bedside table and chair behind the door. I ran after him with a towel around me. Luckily I knew he would make a beeline for the lift. He's usually ok at home but staying somewhere else make's him hyper and hotel room doors are easy for a child to open. So when there was two adults in they're room it would be easier to keep a closer eye on him than me on my own. I'm all right jack fthe rest of us. F the rest of us.

I bet if you mention it directly, to the 5yr old in the morning, over breakfast e.g. ‘uncle bob didn’t sleep so well on the sofa last night as he’s a bit big. Would you mind if we swapped rooms about tonight?’ they won’t mind at all. Generally 5yr olds, if you speak to them like ‘grown ups’ can be quite accommodating. I’ll bet it’s more of an issue in your SIL’s head/mind games, than actual need.

Batshit. So what's actually happening?

Agree with others just go home

Well it sort of is what it is now. It's too late to be kicking off about who Is sleeping where. Make do tonight op. Tomorrow go home if you have not already and say why. The sleeping arrangements don't suit us. Then just go. No further discussion just smooth fm all th way home with the kids.

I'd be leaving first thing.

There's not much you can do for tonight but I'd be making it clear that you won't be visiting under such conditions in the future.

If there's overlap, you won't visit.

I've never heard such ridiculousness