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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This sleeping arrangement is ridiculous right?

508 replies

Pondere · 28/12/2022 21:58

We arrived at my in laws today and are staying for a week. SIL also arrived today and is staying for two nights. We live much further away so we have two long visits a year and then two weekend visits. SIL visits and stays for a night every month.

We have a 21 month old, and he sleeps in a travel cot when we visit. SIL has a five year old.

PIL have 4 bedrooms. One bedroom is obviously theirs. Then there is a double room with a double bed and then two singles with single beds in them.

Usually, when SIL visits, her 5 year old sleeps in the double bed and she is in one of the single rooms. When we visit, the three of us are in double room, with DH and I in the double bed and DS next to us in his travel cot.

This is the first time we are all staying at the same time (with children). SIL is insisting that her child gets the double room as per usual, because that is what he is used to and he won’t be able to sleep anywhere else. I’ve said it makes sense for us to have the double room seeing as all 3 of us can sleep in there, there’s space for the travel cot and then SIL and her child can sleep in each of the single rooms.

She has refused to budge and PIL agree that her son should get the double room because that’s where he always sleeps and he won’t sleep well otherwise.

The conclusion - SIL’s child has a double room and bed to himself. SIL has a single room and bed to herself. I’m in the single bed with DS in his travel cot next to me, which has just about fit in, it’s a very tight squeeze so I have to climb on to the bed the second I enter the room. DH is on the sofa. He doesn’t like fuss so is fine with the arrangement.

I know IANBU, because it makes no sense whatsoever that DS and I are in a tiny room with DH on the sofa when a 5 year old has a big room to himself. But equally, when SIL and PIL and even DH think it’s fine, I can’t help but doubt myself.

OP posts:
Cavagirl · 28/12/2022 22:08

DH is on the sofa. He doesn’t like fuss so is fine with the arrangement.

This seems like a big part of the problem.

ErrolTheDragon · 28/12/2022 22:08

Hatscats · 28/12/2022 22:04

Can’t she share the double with the 5 year if they are scared of being in a different room.

Then you and baby in one single and husband in the other.

That'd be a bit better.

But obviously the 5yo should be given a single room. Just because he's used to the double room doesn't mean he won't be able to sleep in the other. Wtf does they do if they go on holiday?Confused

Original poster
Pondere · 28/12/2022 22:08

Catterpillarwithconverse · 28/12/2022 22:05

At least sil should share with her son so your DH has a bedroom. Why is your DH being such a pushover?

Because they haven’t shared a room since he was 6 months so she doesn’t want to get into a bad habit…

DH is just glad he’s spending time with his sister as our visits rarely overlap, so he doesn’t want to risk her leaving early.

OP posts:
SomethingOriginal2 · 28/12/2022 22:09

Go home. A 5yo is sleeping in a double bed while and adult couple with a baby are sleeping spread between a sofa and a single bed? Wtaf?

Scarfymcscarface · 28/12/2022 22:09

I can’t get over the fact she’s usually in a single room anyway whilst 5yo has the double. Your PIL are just as bad for indulging it and maybe that’s where your SIL gets it from?

I too would leave and take my DH with me!

Hillrunning · 28/12/2022 22:10

Why was the 5 year old ever given the double on previous visits? The reason for this might give some insight into the strangeness of this arrangement.

BeingHeldAtHunPoint · 28/12/2022 22:11

Perhaps convince the 5 year old the double room is haunted so he refuses to stay there?
😂

Letthekidsplay · 28/12/2022 22:12

Let your husband stay take your dc home

ACynicalDad · 28/12/2022 22:12

It’s daft but I’d probably suck it up but be very firm that you aren’t coming again if this is the arrangement. Your DH can come on his own if he wants to.

SomethingOriginal2 · 28/12/2022 22:12

How long is she staying? 11hrs is insane to be expected to sleep on a sofa so a 5yo can have a double bed to themself. Can you book a hotel?

TarquinOliverNimrod · 28/12/2022 22:13

Well of course the 5 year old should have his usual room, it’s not fair to expect him to sleep
in an unfamiliar room.

Of course this is utter bollocks and you should leave first thing. Ridiculous state of affairs.

Hertigruten · 28/12/2022 22:13

Oh my gosh OP - YADNBU. That is so awful it's almost funny.

deflatedbirthday · 28/12/2022 22:13

Suggest your SIL takes the sofa if she's so adamant her DS gets a double room to himself. That can be her sacrifice if she doesn't want to share a room.

Original poster
Pondere · 28/12/2022 22:13

Hillrunning · 28/12/2022 22:10

Why was the 5 year old ever given the double on previous visits? The reason for this might give some insight into the strangeness of this arrangement.

I don’t know why but it’s not the first time. Last summer we all stayed at a cottage. Again, DH, DS and I were in one double room, she was in the single whilst her son had the double again. I found it odd but as it didn’t affect us, I didn’t think much of it.

I genuinely think it’s just a pattern she got into.

They are staying for only two nights, tonight and tomorrow night, so it’s just tomorrow that I need DH to sort (too late for tonight).

OP posts:
edwinbear · 28/12/2022 22:13

A 5yr old is at school surely? Even if some of the grown ups have lost the plot over sleeping arrangements, I would have thought a 5yr old would be able to understand there are more people in the house than usual and therefore sleeping arrangements need to change for a couple of nights!

foghead · 28/12/2022 22:14

I would say to sil 'look your brother has driven 11 hrs. Is there any way we can sort this so he has a bed??'

TheYummyPatler · 28/12/2022 22:14

I don’t understand why anyone is pandering to this crap. Like PPs, I’d have announced that we weren’t going to stay at all under those circumstances - and fucked off to a premier inn/driven back home.

Frankly it makes no sense that the 5 year old ever gets the double bed.

DottyLittleRainbow · 28/12/2022 22:14

If she insists her son has the double but won’t share it with him, then she should take the sofa.

Letthekidsplay · 28/12/2022 22:14

deflatedbirthday · 28/12/2022 22:13

Suggest your SIL takes the sofa if she's so adamant her DS gets a double room to himself. That can be her sacrifice if she doesn't want to share a room.

100% this

NancyJoan · 28/12/2022 22:15

Utterly, yes. Tomorrow, she can share with him, or go on the sofa herself.

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/12/2022 22:16

This is totally unreasonable oneupmanship from your SIL. I would not be standing for this. However it would appear your DH is not going to be willing to challenge this, so you have more of a DH issue than a SIL one… like I say I would not stand for these ridiculous sleeping arrangements - you may be more tolerant than I am..

sixfeetabove · 28/12/2022 22:16

DottyLittleRainbow · 28/12/2022 22:14

If she insists her son has the double but won’t share it with him, then she should take the sofa.

This exactly.

Motelschmotel · 28/12/2022 22:16

Very familiar with this exact dynamic.

I’d stick it out this time given how long you’ve traveled. But I have never again shared a roof with my SIL and her demands since, notwithstanding MIL and DH guilt tripping me. Marriage, to my mind, does not include putting myself and my DC at a disadvantage to accommodate my SIL’s ego and my PIL’s parenting choices. I leave them all to it now.

katseyes7 · 28/12/2022 22:16

Leave and go home tomorrow. This is ridiculous.

Aprilx · 28/12/2022 22:16

Pondere · 28/12/2022 22:06

Thank you everyone. I was genuinely wondering that because we don’t visit as often, perhaps they have a point.

We spent 11 hours travelling on the road today so are exhausted and won’t head home right away. There is generally a history of SIL’s feelings taking priority over mine and I’ve always turned a blind eye because I figured she’s their daughter, whereas I’m the DIL, but this feels like a piss take.

Well yes of course their daughters feelings would and should come ahead of yours, but I honestly don’t think feelings come into this. It is a practical matter and she and they are both being ludicrous.

It is obviously too much to turn around and go home now, but I would honestly organise a hotel or a pub with room or anything rather than put up with this. It would be making a point as well and sounds like that is long overdue.