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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This sleeping arrangement is ridiculous right?

508 replies

Pondere · 28/12/2022 21:58

We arrived at my in laws today and are staying for a week. SIL also arrived today and is staying for two nights. We live much further away so we have two long visits a year and then two weekend visits. SIL visits and stays for a night every month.

We have a 21 month old, and he sleeps in a travel cot when we visit. SIL has a five year old.

PIL have 4 bedrooms. One bedroom is obviously theirs. Then there is a double room with a double bed and then two singles with single beds in them.

Usually, when SIL visits, her 5 year old sleeps in the double bed and she is in one of the single rooms. When we visit, the three of us are in double room, with DH and I in the double bed and DS next to us in his travel cot.

This is the first time we are all staying at the same time (with children). SIL is insisting that her child gets the double room as per usual, because that is what he is used to and he won’t be able to sleep anywhere else. I’ve said it makes sense for us to have the double room seeing as all 3 of us can sleep in there, there’s space for the travel cot and then SIL and her child can sleep in each of the single rooms.

She has refused to budge and PIL agree that her son should get the double room because that’s where he always sleeps and he won’t sleep well otherwise.

The conclusion - SIL’s child has a double room and bed to himself. SIL has a single room and bed to herself. I’m in the single bed with DS in his travel cot next to me, which has just about fit in, it’s a very tight squeeze so I have to climb on to the bed the second I enter the room. DH is on the sofa. He doesn’t like fuss so is fine with the arrangement.

I know IANBU, because it makes no sense whatsoever that DS and I are in a tiny room with DH on the sofa when a 5 year old has a big room to himself. But equally, when SIL and PIL and even DH think it’s fine, I can’t help but doubt myself.

OP posts:
NotAnotherBathBomb · 28/12/2022 22:27

We arrived at my in laws today and are staying for a week.

This was the first mistake.

I'd be leaving at first light. Something similar happened once when I was a child, it was 2 adults and 5 children (2 families mushed together) and we were all made to sleep in one room. We left before 6 in the morning. My mother taught me a lesson that day to not put up with shit from other people just because they're 'family'.

lanthanum · 28/12/2022 22:27

I bet that if SIL acquires a partner, her child will be able to cope with a single room...

Jakadaal · 28/12/2022 22:27

Personally I would book into a nearby hotel for tomorrow night and then ask that the double bed be remade for the rest of your stay.

OnemoresliceofChristmascake · 28/12/2022 22:27

It is ridiculous and irritating, but for the sake of this visit - and bearing in mind your DH doesn't mind, really wants to catch up with his sister, nobody is sleeping in the shed and it is just 2 nights - I would accept it (although mutter under my breath).

Next visit, make sure the arrangements are clear beforehand.

Beachbabe1 · 28/12/2022 22:28

Utterly ridiculous! I would be furious and cut my trip down to 1 night!!

NotAnotherBathBomb · 28/12/2022 22:28

Fallin · 28/12/2022 22:08

Your poor DH has traveled 11hrs to sleep on a sofa, this is absurd.

He deserves it as he 'doesn't like much of a fuss'

whynotwhatknot · 28/12/2022 22:29

where does the 5 year old sleep at home in a four poster bed?

Thinkwicebeforeyouleavemylife · 28/12/2022 22:29

Your sil sounds like a bitch and her son will grow up to be very spoiled indeed!

You know you're not being unreasonable. I'd have left. With or without DH.

TenoringBehind · 28/12/2022 22:30

I would be going home first thing tomorrow. That’s an absolutely ridiculous situation.

Stompythedinosaur · 28/12/2022 22:30

That is outrageous tbh. She should have the sofa if she insisting on her dc having a double.

The pil are most at fault for inviting you and then not allowing you all beds.

Katapolts · 28/12/2022 22:30

It's ridiculous but two nights aren't worth falling out over.

Your DH would clearly rather sleep on the sofa and see his sister and nephew at Christmas than make a stand about bedrooms.

Starseeking · 28/12/2022 22:31

This was for your DH to have stood up for your family, and he's behaved like a complete wet blanket.

I wouldn't go home, as they will all cast you as the villain, I'd just make sure I was clear on sleeping arrangements for next time, and not go if they proposed this sort of rubbish again.

Shoecleaner · 28/12/2022 22:32

Your DH is a weak man and his family are fuckers. I'd never be visiting again

CatherinedeBourgh · 28/12/2022 22:32

I'd just check into the nearest available hotel for the duration.

FinnysTail · 28/12/2022 22:32

AlisonDonut · 28/12/2022 22:02

i'd be in the nearest travelodge or on my way home.

Me too

ThePoshUns · 28/12/2022 22:33

What a family of loons

Theluggage15 · 28/12/2022 22:33

Utterly bonkers. He’s 5, old enough to understand that he can’t sleep in that room. Tough if he doesn’t like it. Can’t believe your SIL and nephew are being pandered to like this. He’s going to be a right charmer when he grows up.

I’d be leaving in the morning if I was you.

jays · 28/12/2022 22:33

Please, in the name of sanity, go home! You are beyond the beyond of not being unreasonable! I couldn’t be a part of that enabling craziness!

edwinbear · 28/12/2022 22:34

@NotAnotherBathBomb at a guess, after 11hrs he might just be too exhausted to kick up much of a fuss tonight? DH drove for 9hrs yesterday, should have taken 6. The traffic was horrific, presumably due to train strikes etc. We do this specific journey quite frequently (to in laws) and he said to me this morning he felt quite shell shocked at how bad it was. He frankly would have fallen asleep on the hall floor last night when we got home. OP can you look up local hotels tonight and discus with him in the morning?

Jifmicroliquid · 28/12/2022 22:36

Good grief, go home!
SIL clearly just enjoys throwing her weight around. A 5 year old does not need a double room to himself! If she tires him out enough in the daytime and lets him stay up a bit later than normal, he’ll fall asleep anywhere she puts him.
Im afraid I would explain to parents in law that you will be going home and tell them the reason why.

beatsin8s · 28/12/2022 22:36

Why couldn't SIL share the double bed with her small child (at a push, still think they are all unreasonable!)? Why have they got her DC used to sleeping in a double bed by himself instead of him sleeping in the single room (with 2 beds)?

So many why's here but this is ridiculous. If the DC can sleep himself in a large room he will settle in a twin room with his own Mother, surely? Your poor DH. SIL seems to be the favoured one!

grumpycow1 · 28/12/2022 22:37

Definitely wouldn’t stay there another night! DH needs to step up and say it’s ridiculous, you’ll book into a hotel instead. This child is not going to be able to deal with change very well…

toastfiend · 28/12/2022 22:37

This is ludicrous. I'd go home and I'd be telling them why.

Saracen · 28/12/2022 22:37

I agree with you. At the same time, your DH is the only person being majorly inconvenienced, so surely it is up to him whether he is willing to go on the sofa or wants to stick up for himself and claim a bed. It isn't your battle to fight.

Two nights on the sofa doesn't feel like such a big deal to me, and maybe it doesn't to him either. SIL and nephew will soon be gone and then you can have the big room.

If it's a dealbreaker for you, then next year check the sleeping arrangements in advance and stay in a hotel if they aren't to your liking.

wackamole · 28/12/2022 22:37

I can understand the PILs capitulating to their daughter/grandson IF your husband has been vocally saying any arrangement is OK, you'll all make do, etc. Especially if your SIL/nephew arrived before your group did, and/or had been expected to stay before the PILs knew the two visits would overlap. Given that he is the one most inconvenienced (no room, on the couch) as well as being their son, I'm guessing the PILs are going by him and not even wondering how you feel. (I may be mean, but I'd possibly even have a sneaking suspicion that he knew what was going to happen in advance and OK'd it/didn't object to it.)

However, it would have been completely reasonable for you to have said that the three of you would stay at a hotel for the first two nights as there isn't enough room in the house. Of course, it's a terrible lesson for the 5yo, unless he has some kind of recognisable special needs and really could not sleep anywhere else and will always get special consideration.