This sleeping arrangement is ridiculous right?

[Pondere]

We arrived at my in laws today and are staying for a week. SIL also arrived today and is staying for two nights. We live much further away so we have two long visits a year and then two weekend visits. SIL visits and stays for a night every month.

We have a 21 month old, and he sleeps in a travel cot when we visit. SIL has a five year old.

PIL have 4 bedrooms. One bedroom is obviously theirs. Then there is a double room with a double bed and then two singles with single beds in them.

Usually, when SIL visits, her 5 year old sleeps in the double bed and she is in one of the single rooms. When we visit, the three of us are in double room, with DH and I in the double bed and DS next to us in his travel cot.

This is the first time we are all staying at the same time (with children). SIL is insisting that her child gets the double room as per usual, because that is what he is used to and he won’t be able to sleep anywhere else. I’ve said it makes sense for us to have the double room seeing as all 3 of us can sleep in there, there’s space for the travel cot and then SIL and her child can sleep in each of the single rooms.

She has refused to budge and PIL agree that her son should get the double room because that’s where he always sleeps and he won’t sleep well otherwise.

The conclusion - SIL’s child has a double room and bed to himself. SIL has a single room and bed to herself. I’m in the single bed with DS in his travel cot next to me, which has just about fit in, it’s a very tight squeeze so I have to climb on to the bed the second I enter the room. DH is on the sofa. He doesn’t like fuss so is fine with the arrangement.

I know IANBU, because it makes no sense whatsoever that DS and I are in a tiny room with DH on the sofa when a 5 year old has a big room to himself. But equally, when SIL and PIL and even DH think it’s fine, I can’t help but doubt myself.

Go home. That ridiculous. And don't go back without explicit arrangements.

I stopped going to my aunts because she let her 2 very young children have their own room each whilst we slept on a blow up bed in the living room and my parents paid for a hotel nearby. I would not go next year if I were you.

Yes she can sleep on the sofa if she is indulging her 5 year old to a double bed and his own room.

Selfish nonsense. I’d keep pointing out how ridiculous it is and they can’t seriously expect your DH to sleep on the sofa when there are plenty of beds.

If nothing changes I’d go home tomorrow-
never stay at the same time or go on holiday with them again (and explain why).

Forget the haunting. I hear there’s a monster under the double bed.

Nearest hotel and I wouldn't care if upset them

Honestly I'd book elsewhere for tonight and tomorrow drive myself and DC home. I'd like to think your DP would have the sense to join you!
This is incredibly silly and hugely disrespectful.

Sorry her 2 vert young grandchildren (all visitors)

Go to a hotel tomorrow, until SIL has left. It is completely unfair for her and nephew to hog all the beds, when your DH has driven for 11 hours. I would be pointing that out to everyone.

<hollow laugh>

Bet the DH would rather take the sofa than put up with his sister’s tantrum 🙄

Even better put the baby in with her DS. He might be keener to share with mum once he's been woken up a few times by a hungry baby 😆

Madness. Similar happens in my family and it drives me absolutely insane. One child’s “needs” put above everything and everyone else it’s ridiculous but seeing as I can’t resolve it in my own extended family I have no advice but am following with interest and wish you luck

Disrespectful af, I'd leave.

Are you PILs the sort to absolutely spoil their grandchildren?

Plant seeds of them turning one of the singles into a special room for the grandchildren with bunk beds. Then if you visit individually or together that is their special room.

The problem clearly here is that your DH is the bottom of the food chain with his family and so by default you will be too.

He won't stick up for himself and by default he won't stick up for you or both your offspring.

Your choice js to take up the battle you will not win since DH has not taken up the battle, or put up and shut up.

Or vote with your feet and politely book into a hotel so you can enjoy family time together and nobody has the awfulness of sofa sleeping.

The dynamic is weird.
Maybe she likes to keep herself the 'child' in the single bed in order to keep getting parented by her parents. To make sure they keep seeing her as a helpless child.
And the male child gets the double.

I'd sleep tonight then go home early tomorrow.
Screw them and their "hospitality".

SIL & PIL can go f*ck themselves. Get in the car & go home. None of them have any respect for you & putting the needs of a 5yr old over 2 adults. Pathetic.

Your dh is on the sofa? When there is actually enough beds for everyone?

I'd definitely be making it clear that I thought pil were out of order but ultimately there is nothing you can do other than limit your visits. Which I'd probably do.

I’d also be googling local hotels for tomorrow night. Clearly you can’t drive back tomorrow, it’s too far. We drove from Cornwall to London yesterday, a journey that usually takes 6hrs, it took us 9hrs as the traffic is horrendous at the moment. We’d not be safe doing another 9hr drive the following day - especially not with a baby. But I’d be off to a local hotel if I could find one.

Ludicrous that a couple has not been given the only double bed. No - putting the SIL with the DS doesn't make it any better. The double bed is appropriate for the couple and the single beds are appropriate for singles and children. I'd decamp to the nearest hotel to defuse every night and wouldn't rejoin them until the double bed was guaranteed either this year or in subsequent years.

I'd kip in a hotel tomorrow just to make the point and then in future I'd be sending husband to visit on his own.

Can't do pandering to a sibling. Just no.

Leave! Just tell the in-laws it’s completely ridiculous and go home.

I actually feel very sorry for your DH here. SIL is clearly the golden child.
He can't and won't make a fuss, because he knows that nothing will change.

I'd never stay there again after this. PIL have shown their loyalties, and it isn't to your DH/you/your DC.

I would leave, go home or check into a hotel

I have a DC who is a really bad sleeper and wouldn’t do at all well in an unfamiliar room so I’d have hoped he could keep to keep the double as the SIL in this scenario and share with him. That said, if that wasn’t convenient/suitable for everyone else I’d share a single, or whatever, instead.