This sleeping arrangement is ridiculous right?

[Pondere]

We arrived at my in laws today and are staying for a week. SIL also arrived today and is staying for two nights. We live much further away so we have two long visits a year and then two weekend visits. SIL visits and stays for a night every month.

We have a 21 month old, and he sleeps in a travel cot when we visit. SIL has a five year old.

PIL have 4 bedrooms. One bedroom is obviously theirs. Then there is a double room with a double bed and then two singles with single beds in them.

Usually, when SIL visits, her 5 year old sleeps in the double bed and she is in one of the single rooms. When we visit, the three of us are in double room, with DH and I in the double bed and DS next to us in his travel cot.

This is the first time we are all staying at the same time (with children). SIL is insisting that her child gets the double room as per usual, because that is what he is used to and he won’t be able to sleep anywhere else. I’ve said it makes sense for us to have the double room seeing as all 3 of us can sleep in there, there’s space for the travel cot and then SIL and her child can sleep in each of the single rooms.

She has refused to budge and PIL agree that her son should get the double room because that’s where he always sleeps and he won’t sleep well otherwise.

The conclusion - SIL’s child has a double room and bed to himself. SIL has a single room and bed to herself. I’m in the single bed with DS in his travel cot next to me, which has just about fit in, it’s a very tight squeeze so I have to climb on to the bed the second I enter the room. DH is on the sofa. He doesn’t like fuss so is fine with the arrangement.

I know IANBU, because it makes no sense whatsoever that DS and I are in a tiny room with DH on the sofa when a 5 year old has a big room to himself. But equally, when SIL and PIL and even DH think it’s fine, I can’t help but doubt myself.

They're not. They're saying don't pick other people's battles when the consequences for the other person are very negative. It's his choice to make not hers.

Anyway it's all done now.

They're saying don't pick other people's battles when the consequences for the other person are very negative

Exactly. It's not for the DIL (or son in law if the sexes were reversed) to throw a bomb into their partner's relationship with their parents and/or siblings.

I can just imagine the OP and responses if someone's husband had demanded they leave, having just arrived for a week's stay with her parents and sibling, over something annoying, but relatively trivial in the scheme of things.

Next year OP’s ds won’t fit in the travel cot so they will need the double bed even more.

Then that is the conversation OP's DH can have with his parents next year. Or OP and DH can decide what to do before/if they go.

Insisting her DH flounce out after an 11 hour drive with the potential for a massive family rift is not the same.

Why shouldn’t they discuss it this year as well? It was very squashed this year too.

Who needs to worry about the tabloids putting your posts on social media for everyone to see when MN does the same 🙄

You’d kick an adult couple out of a double bed so your little angel can have it?

I posted about this on another thread the other day. It's absolutely appalling on the part of MN.
While we know that this is a public board, I tend to think that I could post here about people who I know are unlikely to be on MN. MNHQ has chosen to remove that possibility in favour of gaining traffic. I think we now all need to be very careful regarding what we OP about.

SARACLARA....

Calm the fk down!

I'm perfectly calm. It seems you're not though.

Leave. ANd don't come back ever again. How disrespectful. To stay in such a situation means you are okay with being treated like a chump. Go home.

Wow Mumsnet- that’s low!

Why can't SIL go into double bed with child so you and DH can have a room each?

Why cause a rift over a bed? suck it up - it’s their house - their rules

This!!!!

Ffs this is ridiculous!!! Sil couldve at least stayed in the double with nephew so your husband got bed!!

Why are people so fucking selfish?!

I personally wouldn’t have a problem with it. I have a 6 year old autistic son and I realise you have to be flexible.

Me and DH have slept all over the place when visiting family. Mostly we get the blow up beds in the lounge 🤣

My PIL consistently choose options to favour my SIL over me and I don’t get offended. I agree it’s their house and their rules! Just be polite and try to be understanding of SIL rather than automatically judgemental of her - you don’t really know what her life is like!

I'd just have said in front of everyone "Okay, whelp I'm going to stay at the hotel around the way DH. So that way you can sleep in the single and get a good night's sleep after the 11 hour drive". And then I'd take my DC and go.

Blimey - can’t believe MN are using threads like this to garner more traffic. You come on here to be relatively anonymous against the sounding board. So much more opportunity to be outed if they’re throwing these titles onto FB etc. It’s not really ok, and to be honest is quite low. But I suppose you (MN) don’t care, it’s just the advertising ££ you’re after so I suppose the lesson is ours to learn.

This is why I don't bother starting threads anymore.😒

Ah yes because it's always that easy to leave a shit of a husband.hve we learnt nothing yet from these situations.
It doesn't sound like the sol is actually doing any of of the manipulation, ordering,starting and other words people are using here.infact iv e not seen the sil mentioned in deciding or saying anything at all.more her parents and th trying and deciding to do it this way.
And ok.not idea.probably needs 're thinking for ops benefit but how bloody lovely that her brother and mum and dad have seen to do this for her when she's going through the shit with her shitty husband. For one night repreave from a horrible home life.what a nice supportive family to give her that before she and her son have to go back to that "chosen" life.

This deserves a thread of its own. What if DSIL is on here too? Whatever sensitive situation she's in might be the exposed and then made worse. Especially as there's a dodgy husband in the background that the parents seem to be trying to protect her from and who she doesn't want to leave. Sounds like a family trying to keep things together, not suitable as twitter fodder.

@kateandme I'm starting to see this too but it was mentioned too late in the thread, probably because OP didn't want to reveal identity too much, possibly because of delicate MH and shitty husband situation. OP could be accused of drip feeding though it seems genuine enough. Maybe OP you should ask this thread should be moved.

Did they ask your permission?

I know the tabloids can do this anyway, but that feels like a real breach of trust. It's not like there will be 100s of families where this happens.

I'm quite shocked that mumsnet would do this. It's so very outing and could affect your family relationships including that with your husband. Hopefully they won't see it, but perhaps you could ask to have the thread taken down and if any of your in laws see it say it must be a common thing over Christmas?

Or let them read about it and see if SIL comes on here to defend it.

I wondered about this when I read the start of the thread. It could be the mum knows there will be an absolute meltdown if the child is asked to sleep in an unfamiliar room. Yes, it would have helped to mention this as it is a very different vibe to the "Harry Potter under the stairs" dynamic that was coming through at the start of the thread.