to ask if I have ever had an orgasm? (Possible TMI warning)

[Honeylover333]

NC, and posting in AIBU in the hope of getting more answers than I could on the Sex boards, which don't have so many comments.

Sorry if it sounds like a silly question and TMI. I'm happily married and enjoy the intimacy of lovemaking. But I've never felt any kind of muscle spasm inside, nor the kind of deep release I've heard described. Not with DH or any of the men I slept with before I met him, over the years. Nor by myself or using a vibrator.

The nearest (I think) I've ever come to orgasm is an increasingly intense feeling building up from my clitoris, which reaches a kind of peak and then frustratingly fades away.

Is this normal, just all some women get? Or is there any chance I could still learn to experience that satisfying feeling?

“increasingly intense feeling building up from my clitoris, which reaches a kind of peak and then frustratingly fades away.”

@Honeylover333 lol I think you need to lower your expectations

😂😂😂

@tinx what? That doesn't sound like a proper orgasm at all. Op says she's never had deep muscles spasms which is sort of the whole thing.

Sorry OP I don't have any advice, but your complaint seems valid based on what you've said. Hopefully someone helpful will be along in a minute.

If you've never even had one by yourself, I'd buy a vibrator and start exploring. Lovehoney makes some good ones. If you know how to get "there" it will be easier to guide your husband.

I was the same. And then someone introduced me to one of these bad boys. Omg! Changed my life!

www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/vibrators/clitoral-vibrators/p/lovehoney-ignite-20-function-finger-vibrator/a41330g75300.html

Based upon that and my own experiences I would say no you probably haven’t. You would deffo know if you had cause it’s amazing.

@Squashpocket

😂 I was joking but I’m too much of a prude to give any real advice

No you haven't sounds like you have got close but never reached the pinnacle. You would definitely know if you have when it finishes it isn't frustrating it feels like a relief/release

It sounds like you haven’t. You would definitely know!

Tbh I think you have, just maybe a weak one. Tbh I do not get the whole palaver about sex, I mean it's great, releases the good hormones, pretty sure I have orgasmed both alone and with a partner. Some people though describe this life changing thing ect, I just can't relate.

Agree, i think you would know.
I can't seem to have them during sex but get them in other ways, if you know what i mean.

I agree with others, by the sounds of it I doubt you've ever reached a climax as I feel like you'd know about it.

I'd suggest trying to experiment by yourself, like others have mentioned get a vibrator, it doesn't have to be all singing all dancing but just something non intimidating to start out with.

Try and recreate that intense build up feeling you've had before, that can be your starting point, when you get that feeling that's when you might want to really concentrate on what you're doing.

I've previously read advice that if you start clenching and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles and ahem "vocalising" or panting it can help things progress.

I think if you want actual practical advice though move this over to the sex board as people will be more willing to be a bit more explicit over there....AIBU is a true stomping ground for lazy shitty journo's so it's difficult for people to be particularly open about things for fear of appearing in the daily fail or similar!

I think you might have had a not that good one. I would keep practising on your own using a bullet vibrator. I find new batteries too intense, making the orgasm not as good, I prefer the batteries to die down a bit. You need to experiment on yourself! I find orgasm by vibrator quicker and easier but with fingers more satisfying and a better feeling that lasts longer.

Thanks for all comments. I tried various vibrators before I met DH, but they never seemed to do much. Bought a Bullet a few weeks ago thinking maybe technology had improved and I would experience what so many other women describe. DH very happy to help! I really persevered, tried all settings, went on till I was too bored and frustrated to continue. So demoralising.

Buffy, thanks for that link. I will try it and report back!

How do you react from oral?

l agree with others, the answer is that you haven’t got there.

You maybe need a different vibey, although l love my bullet, and to experiment on finding the right spot and the right pressure/movement. You certainly don’t need anyone beside you/with you for this. Lots of me time!

Definitely need to try a womaniser. I have to be prised from the ceiling after 😍

I'm going against the grain here, and will say I get better orgasms using my fingers and imagination than a vibrator

Have you tried something like the Satisfyer Pro (similar to Womaniser)? They work quite differently to the vibrating ones and purely creation a suction.

Same!

And me