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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

OH secret sperm donater

20 replies

Xavy132 · 25/08/2022 01:21

I’ve just found out my OH of 3 years has been donating sperm to random women via AI and NI.
cut a long story short, one of the women added me on instagram , had a look around her profile to see who she was and saw likes from my OH. I then logged into his insta guessing the password and saw and heard voice msgs and conversations between them that she loves him, that they had sex and he’s going there again for her next cycle. She sounded somewhat taken with him and he didn’t seem bothered by this but didn’t return the lovey dovey talk. She is much older than my OH, has lots of kids, 2 have been taken off her so she’s said. I can’t imagine he would’ve told her about me, I don’t think for a second this is coincidence but she has obviously stalked his profiles and found me that way. She has not contacted me.
I also found other msgs on there to at least 20 other women he’s donated to and all I can say is it seems he’s not at all fussy where he dips his wick judging by these woman. He has most recently offered his NI services to a younger girl who has special needs.
The thing is…..
we have 2 girls by IVF as he has a low sperm count. I can’t tell if this whole thing is something to prove to himself or if it’s just about getting his leg over. He has also lied to these women about his clean bill of health as he and his family have several issues.
I am distraught at what I’ve seen….not sure why I’m sharing this but has anyone had this situation? Does anyone know where I stand with legalities as I have no intention of staying with him after this. I am also mindful of these women claiming child support from him, what would that mean for my girls and I as he really can’t afford it although I haven’t seen any confirmed pregnancies and I’m not expecting to. I also haven’t said anything to him yet and it’s killing me!

OP posts:
Newusernameaug · 25/08/2022 01:26

AI - Arrificial Insemination
what’s NI?

so sorry you’re going through this, sounds horrific. What a prick! Sending a virtual hug

Xavy132 · 25/08/2022 01:28

Newusernameaug · 25/08/2022 01:26

AI - Arrificial Insemination
what’s NI?

so sorry you’re going through this, sounds horrific. What a prick! Sending a virtual hug

NI is natural insemination as in sex

OP posts:
Xavy132 · 25/08/2022 01:28

Thank you x

OP posts:
parietal · 25/08/2022 01:29

I doubt there is any legal recourse but you could tell the other women everything you know about him, including low sperm count.

GuerlainHo · 25/08/2022 01:33

Wow
what a blow. That’s crazy

it must be some sort of fetish to him?

NewBootsAndRanty · 25/08/2022 01:34

Sorry this has happebned. He's disgusting.
I don't know if the police would be interested?
Re health issues not being disclosed to women, it reminded me of this case www.theguardian.com/society/2022/may/31/uk-sperm-donor-genetic-condition-banned-contacting-children-fragile-x-syndrome

Worldwearymum · 25/08/2022 01:37

That sounds like an awful situation for you, I’m so sorry 💐.

The first thing that comes to mind is that if he is sperm donating by natural insemination you will need to get checked out for STIs.

PeachPRC · 25/08/2022 01:39

gosh how unbelievable!

TooBigForMyBoots · 25/08/2022 01:44

3 years and 2 IVF children! Are your daughters twins OP?

Bouledeneige · 25/08/2022 01:45

That's awful. He's not really acting as a donor though is he? He's using it as an excuse to have sex with lots of women behind your back. It's nasty and it's betrayal. Dump. Now.

Mamai90 · 25/08/2022 01:46

So he wants to use a girl with special needs for sex under the guise of giving her a baby even though he's infertile?

I'd contact the police.

vodkaredbullgirl · 25/08/2022 02:00

😕

Xavy132 · 25/08/2022 16:02

Yes twins

OP posts:
Anewdayanewdawn · 25/08/2022 16:05

Jesus Christ! He’s having affairs, flings, sex with other women! He’s not a bloody donor, he just doesn’t need to wear a condom.
get yourself checked out at your local GUM clinic and get rid of the feckless, cheating waster.

Anewdayanewdawn · 25/08/2022 16:06

NI isn’t A thing. Anyone who needs a donor wants a donor and it’s usual the men who say it ‘has to be’ through sex rather than just using a container and a syringe. Some women are desperate enough to go along with it.

Anewdayanewdawn · 25/08/2022 16:08

Oh, and by the way, as he’s doing this ‘unofficially’ and not through regulated means, anyone of those women can come after him for child support. He also has the right to custody and time with those children too if he seeks it out.

GoldenSpiral · 25/08/2022 16:14

Yeah...this happened.

AnnaFri · 25/08/2022 16:19

Jesus Christ this is awful, so sorry OP that you're going through this

Firstly I'd be informing the women of his health issues. They've been duped too

I'd be contacting a solicitor to discuss next steps on a divorce and contact social services for the area that one woman lives who had 2 kids taken off her - in case she is doing this to avoid being on their radar (as most legit clinics ask about previous social services involvement before proceeding with treatment)

AnnaFri · 25/08/2022 16:20

I'd also be getting a health check, he could have brought anything back with him!

Sunnyqueen · 25/08/2022 16:23

Girls with special needs... This needs the police or something. He is a right creep.

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