Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

I dunno, last I heard the bride’s sister is coming still (she has 4 kids too, no idea how she got childcare)

I love this thread!

Could you take husband and kids and then just you attend the wedding whilst husband does something nice with the kids?

Because most kids aren’t stricken at the very possibility of a night away from their sibling

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet it's not a hypothetical question as you went to the effort of searching for flights not knowing what was available. If there had been one you couldn't have got it anyway because you'd still be stuck in Inverness and that wasn't an option before you looked. That's why question. Why did you look when you already knew it wasn't an option. Still not answered.

This thread is nuts! Luckily the poll suggest most people DON'T think the OP is being unreasonable.

Completely understandable and posters trying to catch you out with 'what about trying x,y and z' are mad. Shes suffering an injury first off and no one could have predicted the childcare may have fallen through.

Rather than 'what about the OP doing x,y and z', what about the BROTHER realising the uniqueness of the situation, wanting his sister to be there and allowing her to bring the kids even if OP brings some food for them

If this was a situation with my family, my brother would start with 'oh gosh, poor you - is DBIL ok?' and then arrange it so the kids could come, not expect me to either spend hundreds of additional pounds of my own, or navigate my way up there solo with an injury, lack of public transport and again, more money.

But it sounds like your brother has some issues of his own

This is a brand new suggestion that hasn't been suggested fifty times already on this thread

TBH I wouldn't go in your situation with or without the kids, given that you have a leg injury. You can't drive (so can't set off at a time to suit you); you probably won't be able to dance; weddings are notorious fir standing around; midges; heat and wearing finery; grass fires causing smoke/road closures.
(I went up to Scotland at the start of July 5 months after breaking an ankle for a similar event. It wasn't fun)

This thread is hilarious.

Your brother sounds incredibly difficult and demanding.

You understood and accepted that your children weren't invited, so you politely declined.

He then insisted/begged you to find childcare; you did some begging/pleading of your own, and your other brother agreed to have them.

Other brother now has covid and can't have the children; fair enough. No one else can have them at such short notice for 3 full days. So you can't leave the kids at home.

You cannot drive at the moment and the wedding is in the arse ass of nowhere relative to you. And fair play, you don't want to force everyone to make the day long trek in the car to get to the wedding, only so the other 3 have to entertain themselves for a couple of days so you can attend and not piss off your unreasonable, demanding brother.

Fuck that.

Just say, sorry, it's all fallen apart at this end for childcare, we can't come.

Block him on your contacts if he kicks off.

Re staying at DB’s house, it hasn’t been suggested from him or SIL but aside from the issue of schlepping DH and kids up just to ditch them, it’s about 1hr 15 mins give or take from the venue. And DB is getting ready there tomorrow and having a fancy car pick him up! Not sure it’s appropriate we stay. And it means a 2.5 hour round trip for DH to drop and collect me from the venue.

I haven’t asked but then again it wasn’t offered and I’m not v good at asking for things like that! I just about cringed inside out begging for childcare for this wedding

And posters getting caught up in kids being separated is not relevant since there are no alternative options so why bother fixating on that? And I absolutely agree I wouldn't want my children (especially at 5) to be left all day with people I didn't (and they didn't) know

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

yep this.

are you not a bit concerned op about their inability to be separated? Surely over the rest of their childhood their will be plenty of times when they won’t be together - school trips, sleep overs, etc etc.

You don’t want to foster an unhealthy codependency

surely this wedding acts an opportunity for them to be separated for a couple of nights and realise that they can survive. They may even like it!

That’s the thread milky was linking to

This is such a naff suggestion that’s been posted several times. It’s 350 miles away - we can do 200 miles to my parents’ on good motorways the whole way in about 3.5 hours if we don’t have to stop to let anyone have a wee. You’re looking at close to 7 hours drive there including at least one stop to eat/wee, and 7 hours back for DH to be in a place he doesn’t know and the kids to be in a place they aren’t welcome so OP can attend the wedding by herself - of someone who didn’t want their extended family at their wedding anyway! What an absolute waste of DH and the kids’ time.

The OP has answered a few times that she doesn’t have any options for childcare! Her original one has fallen through and the other people who would usually be able to do it can’t.

not everyone is lucky enough to have a huge network of childcare.

I doubt OP's kids would be "stricken" either. 😂 Gosh, people like to use emotive language to embellish on perfectly reasonable things the OP has said. Anyone spat their tea out and almost passed out in horror at the OP not going to the wedding yet?

I dunno, maybe because subjecting your DH and children to a 700mile round trip to visit a park and have to sleep on a hotel camp bed (assuming the hotel even agree to that) having looked after the children through the evening in a hotel room with FA to do is quite a big ask....

I'm sure they'd all have a lovely time .

Probably because if she hadn't done she'd be berated for that too. Can't win.

She’s not insecure at all, but if I dropped her at a random school friends house for example for 3 days, she would miss the family dynamic and her brother the most (despite the fact they fight like cat and dog sometimes). She wouldn’t enjoy it and she’d want to come home - I’m not making her, and especially him, that uncomfortable for 3 days/2 nights for any reason.

For all the threads about sleepovers being a no-no until the children are 22, I’m amazed people think me sending 2 children to different houses of random people for 2 nights is acceptable

“They wouldn’t cope”

how else do you interpret that?

People are talking about the 9yo should be able to cope, but ignoring the 5yo. How many posters on MN let their 5yo have sleepovers with non family or close friends?

Omg we now have unhealthy codepedency issues, and not liking being separated has turned into a physical inability to be apart... I really hope you're just laughing at these more barmy posts instead of trying to reasonably reply, OP. 😂

Yanbu

And this PP and others are ridiculous as haven't RTFT
OP, there are plenty of solutions to your problem but you are shutting down each and every one of them. Clearly because you don't want to go. If you wanted to, you'd find a way.

There is no find a way

She cannot leave her DCs alone
she cannot travel alone to where there is no transport to as she has an injured leg !!

Her DB hasn't offered well being DCs

He's got his children wedding with all the consequences that come with it that sometimes all the best laid (childcare) plans fall through at the last minute

I'd ignore his texts you've let him know about the disaster and that you can't now attend

Hey ho

If he really cared about you and your family he'd have invited his nieces and not bullied you into leaving your young DCs for 3 days to attend a ridiculous wedding in the middle of nowhere 5-6 hours drive away with no easy transport

Draw a line under it and ignore his texts
You've done your bit

I mean, yes, seriously, WTF.

You want to subject a five year old, a nine year old and another adult to a minimum 12 hour round trip in the car so they can kill time while you attend a wedding they either aren't invited to or can't go to because they have to look after the ones who aren't invited?

🤣 I’m a term time worker!