Childcare fallen through so can’t make DB’s child free wedding

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

My brother lives 350 miles away and is getting married tomorrow. Children aren’t invited - it’s been a nightmare trying to organise childcare for 3 full days (have to stay at least 2 nights because of distance) for my 2 kids in the summer holidays but we roped in BIL and SIL who thankfully had the days free and veryl kindly agreed to have them.

BIL found out yesterday that he has COVID! So we not can’t send them. He’s quite unwell with it as well apparently.

I told my brother today that we can’t come as we just cannot find anyone else at short notice to look after the kids for 2 nights. It’s a big ask of anyone!

He’s really pissed off with me and has asked if I can send them anyway as isolation rules etc are essentially redundant now. I’ve said no I’m it asking them to do that. Especially because we go on holiday next week and don’t want the kids taking COVID to Turkey with them. Was IBU to say no? I think if you ask people to make a 700 mile round trip for their wedding without their kids being invited you risk things falling through and this happening

Can your husband and children stay at DBs house?
Can you rent a cottage close by for a weekend and make a trip of it? Just curious, but where in the Highlands is the wedding?

RTFT

fyi if you do go depending where about near inverness you would be

you have

www.highlandwildlifepark.org.uk/ to the south

www.dayoutwiththekids.co.uk/attractions/speyside-falconry-66fd8fc3 near louissiemouth

www.dayoutwiththekids.co.uk/attractions/the-playbarn-elgin-33920e6b
depending on the age in elgin

or if they are old enough you have the cathedral castles and forts in and around inverness and the river ness and island for walks etc, the botanic gardens.

I appreciate it will be a long drive up and these would kill some time but not all but there are planty of things that they can go to. But in the same circumstances I wouldn't mind driving up, and looking after the children if it means my partner got to go to a family wedding.

I’ll sit back while you organise transport to somewhere 350 miles away then, if it’s so easy?

‘A few days’ - I was on holiday last week. Came back earlier this week.

Yes I’m busy. It’s August. Most people are.

OP iirc you mentioned a falling out between the bride and her sister over the childfree aspect of the wedding. I suspect the reason they want you so badly to attend the wedding is so they can say 'well the grooms sister attended and she had to travel all that way.'

I have been up to the cairngorms backpacking a few times and spent a fair bit of time up in Louissemouth when younger as had relatives who were stationed at the RAF base there

Yeah, if they have a lot invested in the unreasonableness of parents not attending a childfree wedding, it would make sense they'd want someone else to validate that.

Why should they spend all that extra money?

I’m not going to go into it (because it’s long and boring) but they don’t cope well for various reasons being on their own and if me and DH aren’t there (one of us always is, childcare is basically non existent in our lives) they like to have each other. Is that really hard to believe?

Hi @LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet I haven’t RTFT or even all your comments as there are over 100! But I see three ways you could do this if you wanted to, and so far I haven’t seen number 3 suggested:

1. DH comes and looks after kids - cost maybe nothing if hotel will let you pile in, or £700 for new hotel (if you really need two nights)
2. You get the train - cost £320
3. Could you stay at groom DB’s house? He lives near the venue and may be staying at the hotel???

If you care about groom DB and won’t literally stave if you spend £320, you have to do one of these, or groom DB will correctly conclude that you didn’t want to come despite it being very important to him. If you don’t care about him or are angry with him about how he is treating other DB that’s of course your choice, but best for yourself to recognise that you’re making a choice not to go rather than being a victim of circumstance. Hope it all works out for your all.

Shes said loads of times that there is nowhere for the children to sleep though.

He'd be lucky to get a Costa voucher from me

You’re asking me a hypothetical question about a flight that doesn’t exist?

Yeah, I don’t answer ridiculous hypothetical questions that are only asked with an intention to trip me up. Soz.

No i didn’t mention Turkey

i mentioned the holiday in France the OP was on last week!

Usually yes - but a lot of their friends are siblings with each other IYSWIM.

Presumably fine on play dates? Parties?

Most of the posters here seem to think the Highlands are about the size of Rutland!

Exactly. A room I’ve lost £300+ on now - which is fair enough, they have a cancellation policy, but I wouldn’t knowingly chuck £300-off down the drain to purposefully not go somewhere

It’s not hard to believe but I would be concerned about the 9 year old being so insecure that she couldn’t possibly be separated from her younger sibling of her parents aren’t present

Love how so many posters think people have spare hundreds of pounds lying around

Goodness me this thread is hilarious.

If you want a child free wedding in the arse end of nowhere then accept that some people won't be able to attend - in fact expect the people who are most likely to be unable to attend are close family because all the usual childcare options will be at the fecking wedding!!

This onus on guests to run themselves ragged and spend £££ on sub optional "arrangements" is just ridiculously entitled.

You want a child free wedding - fine, but own the consequences.

having read through the thread a bit more -skimmed it earlier I've mentioned some possibilities and there are things to do etc, however looking at how the wedding has been structured and the fact that your brother seems to be fairly unreasonable and others are in a similar boat, I'm of the view that while you could potentially make it work, and find a way, I've come round the the view of fuck it, if your brother wants to go child free, is not prepared the bury the hatchet with other members of the family in order to facilitate it, and others are having similar issues its on them.

They made the decision to go child free and that was more important that having other members of the family then so be it.

Your brother has a cold Fred wedding. You have young children. Your childcare fell though and ofc you don't want them or you exposed to covid just before you go in your holiday . Covid is an unusual illness in that it will stop you going on holiday sue to testing rules etc

Sorry but something has to give and in this case it's attending the childfree wedding. You can't drive sue to injury. You're a parent first and sister second

Second marriage - meh. He'll live. He and his fiancé made a choice when they arranged a childfree wedding in the back area of nowhere requiring you to leave you very young DCs for two nights three days (!!) as life doesn't always go as planned. You were good to have tried to attend, but it fell through through no fault of anyone.

Probability was that a few of his invitees would have an emergency or unanticipated childcare issue - you happen to be one of them

Use the time to get your packing sorted for holiday

@TooManyPJs one DC is 5, my DC hadn't done non family sleepovers at 5yo, and if needed to do a two night one would probably prefer to do it with their older sibling. Nothing like a playdate

Given all the hols op… surprised you didn’t have annual travel insurance policy for the family that you couldn’t call on 😂